Life in a Mirror

Mama, how long will you love me?

2009-09-10T02:22:00.008+12:00

Every night, after saying our prayers, it is our family’s practice to say “I Love You!” to one another. Even when Gaby’s own version is almost not understood, the three powerful words have made their constant place in our lives.

However, being always there and always heard and having its specific time in a day to be said made it seemingly meaningless. I got to wonder if Gaby really understood what I was saying, her Papa is saying and her Ate Bea is saying or even what she herself is saying before she closes her eyes at night.

Bea once asked me why do I scold her if I truly love her. And like any other mother in the world, I answered her the undying lines: “…because anak, I want you to know what’s right from wrong. And I want you to know it because I love you so much.” Hoping she understood what I said.

Until I came across the book: “Mama, How Long Will You Love Me?" by Anna Pignataro. And here are some of the lines I truly adore:

How long will you be my mother?

Always.

Mama, how long will you love me?

Always.

How long is always?

Miles and miles forever.

Will there always be you and me?

Miles and miles forever.

Such wonderful words used by the author.

Miles and miles forever.

When I read this book to Bea and Gaby, I was on the verge of tears. And for the first time, when I told them I love them, I added: Miles and miles forever...

I hope the added lines would change their concept about love -- a mother's love for her kids -- my love for them.

I pray it did... If not now, I pray it would...

To all the mothers out there who love spending some time with their children at night reading a good book, here's how the book looks like: (take a grab now, I tell you, it's really a good one!)

And here's an excerpt from its inner pages.

Hope you'll love this book, too!

A Million Little Pieces of Hope, Love and Passion for Life

2009-09-08T14:23:00.003+12:00

Orange and pink streaks sail across the blue of the sky, large birds silhouette themselves against the red of the rising sun, clouds inch their way toward me.

These are such poetic lines from James Frey. His book "A Million Little Pieces" is an account of his life in the rehabilitation center. And this is what I'm currently reading.

There were all sorts of new things to find. Grass and dirt and holes and tiny bugs – each fascinated him. But nothing satisfied him.

And these are striking lines from “Hope for the Flowers” by Trina Paulos which I just read (side by side with Harry Potter 6… of course before watching the movie, which of course did not satisfy me – anyway, that’s another story to tell, which I know you could certainly relate to).

Anyway, Frey’s novel, particularly its title has inspired me to write again... I mean to blog again. But what is more to this passion for writing are the things I’ve learned from Stripe and Yellow, Paulos’ main characters in her short story.

It has been months since I last posted an entry in any of my blogsites. What kept me busy? I think those times... these times are the days I am putting the million little pieces of my dreams... of my life together. Getting into that big climb like Stripe and Yellow and finding in the end what really satisfies me and gives me so much hope and love and passion for life.

Yes! I am in the prime of building a legacy not just for my family – my kids to follow, but for more kids that truly matters… as Jesus has once said, “Let the little ones come to me.”

Let me count the ways:

1. I was about to finish my MA in Guidance and Counseling in 2005 when an Aunt fed me with the great (and tempting) “American Dream”.

2. While finishing my MA degree, I took up units in Special Education and Certificate in Teaching in an Open University System.

3. After graduation, I got pregnant with Gaby and found myself incapable of working and going to school. Thank God, UP then offered a Certificate in Caring for the Special Child through the Interactive Virtual Learning Experience. I had homeschooling.

4. Upon giving birth, I pushed through with my MA in SPED. And finished my education units alongside it.

5. After having my diploma, I forwarded my application as SPED teacher to one of the agencies in Manila. And I think, one of the best agencies deploying Filipino teachers to the US of A.

6. 2008 was a grand year for me in the field of test-taking. April, I passed the Licensure Exam for Teachers. August, I passed the Licensure Exam for Guidance Counselors.

7. 2009 started out with more stress. January, I took up Praxis 2, the state board for SPED teachers and passed once again.

8. February, I was interviewed. Then a long wait for the result followed.

9. March, I have to take another state board, Praxis 1, for General Education. Once more, I proved to have much luck in board examinations. I passed.

10. April, I resigned from work. But was re-hired until July as a Researcher for Student Services and Curriculum Development.

11. June, I received the news that I passed the interview.

12. I was encouraged to enroll ASAP for a special Reading course at St. Joseph College, Quezon City. The course was for two months. Every weekends. Stressful, eh!? Saturday mornings I board the bus early just in time for my 2 PM class. We end up at 7 PM. Sundays, we start at 9 AM until 6 PM. Then I go straight to the bus terminal and arrive home at 12 midnight or early dawn. And after a four-hour sleep, off I go to work.

13. July, we had a not so fortunate news. Our petitioning school lacks funds to fly us all together in August. We will go by batch, so they say. Now, there are five (should I say the “lucky” ones) being processed. Hopefully for September deployment.

14. Still July, I don’t know if I will feel frustrated or happy. Frustrated because by August, I will be jobless. I thought like Stripe and Yellow, I was climbing with a group where I would be led to nowhere.

15. Mid July, I felt happier because I realized, I wasn’t ready yet to leave my kids and husband (for more or less six months). I was more thankful that I get to spend more time with them. Imagine if I were to be deployed in August? My weekend classes ended in July 26 and target deployment is first week of August, how would in the world I spend time with my family?

16. Towards end of July, I had wonderful plans in mind. I got so busy (with Arleen) in looking for a perfect spot for my long-time dream – a school. But for now, my passion for teaching kids (putting up a school) is limited to a Reading Enrichment Program for Grade 1 pupils and children with special needs.

17. August, I formally opened my Reading Resource Center. Simple. Just a room with two monobloc tables and six monobloc chairs, rubber mats, a small white board, a flip chart, and a few good books to read.

18. But there is more to this that I’m busy about. 8 AM to 10 AM, I shadow teach in a grade 1 class for a pupil with ADHD accompanied with an oppositional and impulsive behavior. After which, I visit two other kids with autism. And yet another kid with ADHD. And help a team of professionals in designing an IEP for a child with Emotional Impairment who is homeschooling.

19. Before leaving the school at 12 noon, I see to it that I have counseled around four students in the high school department.

20. At 12:30 to 2:30 PM, I continue with my work as a Researcher.

21. At 3 PM, I have to be in my center to prepare things for my pupils. I currently have seven grade 1 pupils and a grade 3 pupil with specific Learning Disability. I also work with a Mom in developing a Behavior Managament Plan for her child with ADHD. I end up at 6 PM.

22. These three responsibilities I so carefully squeezed in a day transpire in three separate locations, too. So you can just imagine what a mess I now look like. Yeah! Maybe I am all stressed out but I am happy and contented.

23. If you may ask of the monetary satisfaction, it is not such a good source of income given the tiresome impact of juggling many responsibilities a time. But one thing I am sure of, at the end of the day, before I close my eyes at night, there are more things I am thankful for.

24. First question: “Would I still pursue my great American Dream?”

My answer, “Yes I will!”

25. Last question: “What for?”

My answer, “To bring to the next level my one true dream – come home to my country and put up a school for children with special needs, considering all the therapies they need. And have a guidance and counseling, testing and play therapy center for kids and their families.”

Her feelers quivered and Stripe knew she was speaking. He couldn’t make out words. Then slowly, he seemed to understand… Somehow he knew what to do. Stripe climbed again.

It got darker and darker and he was afraid. He felt he has to let go of everything…

… Until one day …

The Everyday Masters by Paulo Coelho.Part 2

2009-03-17T23:25:00.003+12:00

Here’s another entry from Paulo Coelho’s “The Everyday Masters”:

Avoiding keeping control or being controlled

If I react the way that people expect me to, I become a slave to them – and that is a lesson that applies both to love and work. It is very difficult to prevent this from happening, because we are always ready to please somebody, or to start a war when we are provoked, but people and situations are the consequences of the life that I have chosen, not the other way around.

Reflection

I had five striking counselees today:

The first one had a misunderstanding with a close friend which brought them as far as shouting at each other – some words that wounded and difficult to heal. Reason: Php 200.00

The second student came, really pissed – well, sort of. She said her frat will have a meeting. She joins in or she’ll be dead. Reason: Fear

My third client was the most spontaneous. Telling me stories about her family, her friends, her boyfriend in comparison with her guy-bestfriend. Reason: Unhappiness

My fourth counselee was actually a teacher who felt real bad. She claims people mistake her being frank and bold to being crazy. Reason: System of norms

And before I closed my cubicle today, a graduating student came, crying because she failed in her Trigonometry class. Reason: Timetable

Indeed, every one of us, including myself becomes a victim of our own choices. It has been a way of life for some to avoid keeping control of things, and when failure comes, everybody and every situation is there to be blamed except himself/herself. To some, they avoid being controlled and that makes them what? Frank? Bold? Crazy? Because they have their own reason. Whichever line we follow, it is still our choice that count in the end.

The Everyday Masters by Paulo Coelho

2009-03-16T22:51:00.003+12:00

Outside the city of Oslo is getting ready for winter. I am chatting in the bar with a very popular European singer. We talk about fame and success, and at a certain moment she asks me if I have anything important to teach her.

“Of course not,” I answer. “You lead your life like someone who knows that one day they are going to die, and that is what is most important. Nevertheless, I can propose a task for you: for the next six months, keep a diary called “the everyday master.” We always learn something different between dawn and dusk: why not write it down?”

She accepts the task. Six months later, I receive a copy of her diary full of very interesting notes, lessons from people she met only once but who are certain to remain for ever. This week I will be publishing here the most important of these entries.

Here is one of the entries of my friend’s diary about the everyday masters:

Accepting yourself

I found out who I am by looking at others. I am afraid of not being as good as they think I am, but I believe they all think this about themselves. During the time that I kept this diary, I finally accepted that I am brave enough to feel fear and to see myself without any artifices. I feel secure enough to feel insecure.

I discovered that people try to project a lot of their own insecurity onto you, just as you do with them. They try to diminish you because they feel small, try to intimidate you because they are not convinced that they are capable.

Tomorrow, I’ll post here another entry.

For a week now, I’ve been following “The every day masters” post by Paulo Coelho on his blogsite. This is an amazing learning experience for me, and so I share them again with you. Then again, I’m hoping I will have the luxury of time to make my online diary, too, similar to this one.

God bless everyone!

Cool Jesus!

2009-03-16T21:51:00.000+12:00

A young man who went overseas to study for quite a long time returned in his homeland. He asked his parents to find him a religious scholar or any expert who could answer his 3 questions. Finally, his parents were able to find a scholar.

Young man: Who are you? Can you answer my questions?
Scholar: I am one of God willing; I will be able to answer your questions.

Young man: Are you sure? A lot of Professors and experts were not able to answer my questions.
Scholar: I will try my best, with the help of God.

Young Man: I have 3 questions:
1. Does God exist? If so, show me His shape.
2. What is fate?
3. If Devil was created from the fire, why at the end he will be thrown to hell that is also created from fire. It certainly will not hurt him at all, since Devil and the hell were created from fire. Did God not think of it this far?

Suddenly, the Scholar slapped the young man’s face very hard.

Young Man (feeling pain): Why do you get angry at me?
Scholar: I am not angry. The slap is my answer to your three questions.
Young Man: I really don’t understand.

Scholar: How do you feel after I slapped you?
Young Man: Of course, I felt the pain.
Scholar: So do you believe that pain exists?
Young Man: Yes.
Scholar: Show me the shape of the pain!
Young Man: I cannot.
Scholar: That is my first answer. All of us feel God’s existence without being able to see His shape…

The Scholar continued…

Scholar: Last night, did you dream that you will be slapped by me?
Young Man: No.
Scholar: Did you ever think that you will get a slap from me, today?
Young Man: No.
Scholar: That is fate my second answer…

Then again he added…

Scholar: My hand that I used to slap you, what is it created from?
Young Man: It is created from flesh.
Scholar: How about your face, what is it created from?
Young Man: Flesh.
Scholar: How do you feel after I slapped you?
Young Man: In pain.
Scholar: That’s it… this is my third answer, Even though Devil and also the hell were created from the fire, if God wants, God willing , the hell will become a very painful place for devil.

I received this email from a friend. And I feel it’s worth sharing.

Indeed, God’s messages of LOVE come in different forms. Today, I felt it through this forwarded email message, with Sr. Jelli and our high school students — particularly with III-2 and III-3, and a couple of weeks back with IV-1 for whom I joined their classes in their last Recollection for this school year.

The Recollection theme was “Cool Jesus”. In this life where our culture has become much focused with sex and violence, and media turns into the devil’s ally to conquer our minds, hearts and souls — it is our responsibility as Christians to make a step to work against loneliness, despair and peacelessness promoted by media giants.

In “Cool Jesus”, we have targeted the youth to alter what media has created for them and in them — how it is to be COOL!

Like the snippet above, sometimes we question not just God but also who we are. These moments happen because media through advertisements made us so discontented just to sell their products. A dull hair can be solved by this particular shampoo. A brown skin can be made fair by some papaya soap. A plain face can be made beautiful by brands of cosmetics. Lousy shirts and pants, metal accessories, body-piercing and tattoos make guys cool. Men are encapsulated as “mooks”, while ladies as “midriffs”.

Now where is this line: “And so God created man into His own image and likeness.”?

Gone…

Hope we don’t let this happen. We are a culture with will and intellect; we have the power to choose. We are a culture of civilized men who were created to be stewards of God’s creation. We are a culture of innate goodness not just of basic instincts like sex and violence. So let us live our lives up to what God has created us to be. Being real COOL is being like JESUS — seeing things through the eyes of LOVE… accomplishing things with the works of LOVE… only pure, unconditional LOVE…

Mama's Tears

2008-12-10T23:31:00.001+12:00

Yesterday, I was talking about a crime of motherhood I committed – spanking.

Today, I will be sharing with you the punishment I gained from the crime.

Last night, when I arrived home, the usual scenario of Bea and Gaby running towards the door was not in sight. Instead, the living room was empty but the television was playing their Barney CD. I dropped my bag on the corner sofa chair and reached out for my slippers carelessly (so I thought) dishevelled under it. To my surprise, my slippers weren’t there. Thinking that Gaby was behind this (you know when CPs disappear or the TV and DVD remote controls are out of sight, surely, Gaby’s to be blame), I called for her. Poor Gaby, upon kissing me and giving me a tight hug, I asked for my slippers. And she said with all the innocence of a scheming cherub, “Ate… ate… nnnnside room.” (Inside the room daw.) And voila! Upon opening the door to our room, this is what I saw:

Now you can tell what I did. I ran towards Bea, embraced her tight with tears welling from my eyes… whispering to her over and over again the same words I read on the paper, “I am sorry.” and “I love you too my darling.”

Sweet punishment, eh!

I am guilty of a crime called "SPANKING"

2008-12-09T23:28:00.000+12:00

Today, I am guilty of a crime called “SPANKING”.

And this afternoon, one of my best buddies in college, Issa, reminded me on how to handle 5-6 year olds without committing this grave crime through her Little Ark Learning Center’s Pre-School Digest.

Saturday, Sunday, Monday!!! A long vacation for us in the Catholic schools. I enjoyed the break as much as Bea did. Allowing ourselves to sleep until passed 7 in the morning and watched 15 Barney CDs during the day and “Baby’s Day Out 1-2” in the evening.

Come Tuesday morning. I woke up earlier than usual because today, we’re conducting one of our major activities in our Career Pathing Program – the “Career Exposure”. After taking a bath, I woke Bea up and ushered her to the dining area, gave all she needed and instructed her to eat breakfast while I change for my school uniform.

After changing, I checked on her and to my frustration, my Bea was slouching on the chair, half asleep with her food untouched. I told myself, “Patience, Marjo… Patience.”

I asked her to sit properly and eat her meal. She stared back. My voice came, a pitch higher. Big mistake. Bea cried like she was tortured. I grew even more frustrated. I looked at my watch. I am running late for work. And so was she. I pulled her off her chair and spanked her bottom. I even threatened her to call her teacher and tell her she wasn’t going to school.

Then I left.

Upon arriving in school this afternoon, the first thing I saw on top of my table was Karissa’s hand-written package of November issue of their Pre-School Digest. I just picked up her package, grabbed my bag and lunch kit and headed home. In the car, I started browsing the digest and got struck with this:

“Daily structure and routines are important throughout childhood; but this is a transition year, so structure is crucial to your child’s security and well-being.”

Question: Did I start our day with a routine?

Then again:

“Six year olds go through a period of non-compliance and opposition to parents’ instructions.”

Question: Was I aware of that?

And:

“This difficult period can be a learning opportunity when parents approach these behaviours with gentle firmness.”

Realization: I was firm but wasn’t gentle.

Are you there?

2008-12-03T22:19:00.001+12:00

December 22, 2021.

My fortieth Christmas is creeping up and I feel like I’m headed for an inevitable midlife crisis. Fortunately, a guy in my position, consumed day and night by his job, doesn’t have the time to go screw up his personal life by buying a Ferrari or by cheating on his wife with unrelenting physical pleasure from new-age virtual technology to incapacitate the user for a week after kind-of-coitus, or KOC.

I look at my wife and I can see the circles around her eyes from all the preparations building up to Christmas day – from carefully planning the Noche Buena menu to the last-minute panic shopping and decorations. Both my kids cannot be contained from the anticipation of opening their gifts – they bug you every second if they can just take a peek. As I sat there watching them with saddened eyes, I reminisced when this all started.

It was eighteen years ago, a week before Christmas to be exact. I just passed training for my very first job. I couldn’t remember anymore who made the call. My father just passed away. It was more of a shock than anything else. I cannot remember if I even cried. Maybe it’s just that it hasn’t sunk in yet. I just stared at blank space. At that time, my mother is battling cancer and undergoing chemo (she died 6 months later). So I was like, “What’s happening?” You know what I mean? How could I celebrate when all these tragedies were all of a sudden have decided to just converge on one occasion; this one occasion that I have always been looking forward to; this one occasion when I can see my family as a whole?

So from then on, Christmas was not for me to celebrate. I am that jaded. I leave the celebrating to those that are truly happy; to those who have someone to celebrate it with; to those who can still spend the holidays with their loved ones - opening gifts, singing carols, laughing and having meals on Christmas Eve. Someday I wish I can find my own. Someday I hope and pray to God to lift this veil of suffering from me. Someday…And until then this will be my silent protest.

My little daughter was tugging at my shirt sleeve and looking at me with her doe eyes. Her brother is watching her mom make the shopping list while he sits on her lap. I snapped out of my reverie and ruffled my daughter’s hair to which she responded with an exasperated look.
From then on, I decided I no longer need to wait for another Christmas. I am already there. This is my happy ending.

I commented:

“Your posts always make me cry. Maybe because it touches what I feel, too. Or just maybe, we haven't really talked about this after pop and mom died. We both have caged ourselves. Afraid to disclose any emotions. We have always expressed ourselves in the safe zone -- our prose.”

The above prose was written by my brother. Posted in his site. I have always admired how he arranges his words to a meaningful, sentimental whole. The more I admire him now for being so strong. What he has written is not fiction. My father died of heart attack – slept and never woke up – in December 12, 2003, barely few days before Christmas and a few days after our mother underwent her fourth chemotherapy session. And yes, six months before she succumb to cancer. More painful to say, our mother died in June 12, 2004, a day before my brother’s birthday. Two major occasions where he has to celebrate – we have to celebrate, yet, two major deaths – that of our parents’ precede the events.

“Hats off, dear brother! I admire your strength.”

My brother now lives with a few flatmates in Makati. No family yet. No love-life I guess. I just pray to God that soon… indeed he would find that wife he is referring to in his prose and will have kids to bring him back to that feeling of looking forward to celebrating Christmas and his birthday. “I love you bro! Merry Christmas!”

A Woman Perseveres

2008-12-02T22:22:00.003+12:00

A woman respects the main teaching of the I Ching: “To persevere is favorable.”

She knows that perseverance is not the same thing as insistence.

Insistence has some skewed motives, trying to force something to materialize even when circumstances would not allow it to. Insistence too has a taint of selfish manipulations. While perseverance has in it two strong virtues – of determination and commitment – trying to achieve self-actualization, capitalizing on own strengths, and dancing with the cosmos, gyrating with its beat to encourage the stars shine on her side.

And when she realizes that her struggles go on longer and her burdens get heavier than necessary, draining her of strength and enthusiasm, the Woman thinks: “A prolonged tussle and burdened heart finally destroys the victorious soul too.”

Then she withdraws her forces from the reality’s arena and allows herself a breathing space, letting a pint of craziness take over her sanity – that kind of spontaneity a child is made of – because she knows that only a child’s perspective can rejuvenate her strength and enthusiasm to face life.

However, the space she allows herself does not dampen her desires to win in her struggles. This space becomes her avenue to persevere with her dreams but she knows she must wait for the best moment to pursue her star.

A Woman always returns to the fray. She never does so out of arrogance or self-satisfaction, but because she has noticed with her gift of intuitive sensitivity a change in the weather, and that her stars have gathered around her own beat.

The Tales of Beedle the Bard by J.K. Rowling

2008-11-27T23:13:00.002+12:00

Synopsis:

The Tales of Beedle the Bard, a Wizarding classic, first came to Muggle readers’ attention in the book known as Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Now, thanks to Hermione Granger’s new translation from the ancient runes, we present this stunning edition with an introduction, notes, and illustrations by J. K. Rowling, and extensive commentary by Albus Dumbledore. Never before have Muggles been privy to these richly imaginative tales: “The Wizard and the Hopping Pot,” “The Fountain of Fair Fortune,” “The Warlock’s Hairy Heart,” “Babbitty Rabbitty and Her Cackling Stump,” and of course, “The Tale of the Three Brothers.” But not only are they the equal of fairy tales we now know and love, reading them gives new insight into the world of Harry Potter.

The stories are accompanied by delightful pen-and-ink illustrations by Ms. Rowling herself, featuring a still-life frontispiece for each one. Professor Dumbledore’s commentary–apparently written some eighteen months before his death–reveals not just his vast knowledge of Wizarding lore, but also more of his personal qualities: his sense of humor, his courage, his pride in his abilities, and his hard-won wisdom. Names familiar from the Harry Potter novels sprinkle the pages, including Aberforth Dumbledore, Lucius Malfoy and his forebears, and Sir Nicholas de Mimsy-Porpington (or “Nearly Headless Nick”), as well as other professors at Hogwarts and the past owners of the Elder Wand. Dumbledore tells us of incidents unique to the Wizarding world, like hilariously troubled theatrical productions at Hogwarts or the dangers of having a “hairy heart.” But he also reveals aspects of the Wizarding world that his Muggle readers might find all too familiar, like censorship, intolerance, and questions about the deepest mysteries in life.

Altogether, this is an essential addition to our store of knowledge about the world and the magic that J. K. Rowling has created, and a book every true Harry Potter fan will want to have for their shelves.

This purchase also represents another very important form of giving: From every sale of this book, Scholastic will give its net proceeds to the CHILDREN’S HIGH LEVEL GROUP, a charity cofounded in 2005 by J.K. Rowling and Baroness Nicholson of Winterbourne, MEP. CHLG campaigns to protect and promote children’s rights and make life better for vulnerable young people

This one is another worth a grab. Hope to have a copy soon. Tales like these have never really failed to amaze me. At 30, I still enjoy reading books with magics, wizards, enchantress and more. In fact, I collect with my Bea short stories from Adarna, Lampara and the likes. And J.K. Rowling stuff is an addition to our treasures of the Harry Potter series. To have a full view of the magical world of Rowling, just click here.

Victor and the Sun Orb

2008-11-27T23:05:00.003+12:00

A short glimpse:

Victor, a fairy prince of Solandia, should enjoy a carefree life. But from an early age, he finds himself very busy.

He learns complex magic and martial arts. He’s even taught how to live in a human world. That’s because his parents, King Godfred and Queen Magenta, know about a mortality spell that was cast on their son on the very day of his baptism.

A dark, hooded figure with eyes that burn like coal is to blame. Victor’s parents know that on his thirteenth birthday, their beloved son will be forced to leave Solandia and live with humans, perhaps never to return.

To find an antidote to the spell cast upon him as an infant, Victor must retrieve the mysterious sun orb, a source of magical power now in the hands of the dark, hooded figure.

As he sets his quest, a war between the forces of light and darkness erupts. Good fairies wage battles with bad fairies, even as the power in their wands fades.

Enter a world of magic, and join the fairy prince as he fights for family, love, and friendship in Victor and the Sun Orb.

Today, I received an e-mail from my class adviser way back when I was still in 1st year high school, and this is what she said:

Announcing Amy Nielsen’s Book and Web Site!

Dear friends and family,

I’m excited to announce the launching of Amy’s web site and fantasy book titled Victor and the Sun Orb.
We hope to attract lots of visitors and prospective readers, so she is inviting you to visit her site now to learn more!

Please share her website to anyone who might be interested. To see her site, just click or copy/paste the website above.

P.S. Amy is from Central West, Bauang, La Union , a friend and a classmate in SHS.

Thank you all.
Eya

Then I immediately dropped by her friendster account alongside navigating Miss Amy’s website (just like what I told you, I love books with magical themes so I was interested to have a copy) and saw she has worked with a youth ministry before leaving for Denmark. Then I made mental imageries and theorized Miss Amy was that missionary whom I met through a recollection, still in my high school years. Fortunately, she too has a connection with a high school buddy — Rhodora. So to confirm my incling, I wrote Ma’am Eya a confirmation note before I fully confirmed in Rhodz’s friendster account my assumption. And voila!!! The conlusion was made — Miss Amy was my friend’s sister. And I am proud to share with you a “kababayan’s” fruit of hardwork. To know more of Miss Amy’s book, click here.

CABAnata 23: Unfair? Life's irony makes it more wonderful, what yah think?

2008-11-12T11:51:00.002+12:00

Two months ago, I was in a crossroad — like a high school teeny-bopper trying to choose what course to take up in college. I spent some here and a little with this and that just to comply, let’s say, with what life has to offer. Honestly, got to experience some kind of adrenaline rush — the kind of excitement a little girl would feel when Mom got her a new lacy dress and just as she thought her happiness was overwhelming, Pop arrives with her favorite candy cane wrapped in fancy-colored glossy paper with twirling ribbons that added to its attraction. Can you imagine that feeling?

How about this?

While trying the little lacy dress on, the girl’s pet dog got the same excitement as she did and jumped over her, ripping off all the pink and white laces off her dress, leaving some saliva stains on the satin undergarment. And because of shock, she dropped the candy cane on the floor and the overly excited dog turned its drooling hunger to her cane and ran off with it so fast that nobody got their wits to ran after the dog and get the poor girl’s candy cane back. Now what’s the feeling?

The latter is what I feel now. The crossroads disappeared at an instant. Burst like a bubble. Worst… no traces of roads what-so-ever. What’s left are just murky ground, thorny bushes and my dismay.

Yamoj was right… sometimes we come to a point where decisions have to be made just for the sake of it. Will I return to that foxhole I thought was my comfort zone and get gulped by the quicksand in that foxhole and never get the chance to be seen again and in return see the world, which, no matter how unfair sometimes it may seem, it is still beautiful and wonderful with all its mysterious ironies?

Nah!

Maybe Plan A just wouldn’t work for me.

Anyway, Plan B is what I initially looked forward to before the rush of excitement invaded my little privie.

So, guess I have to stand with pride, pick myself up, dust my sleeve off and start again. This is what life is all about anyway.

What yah think?

Fulfillingness' First Finale

2008-11-10T22:58:00.001+12:00

There is a time in every man’s life where he must face that moment of truth. A time when that gut feeling meets reality and opportunity. Conventional wisdom, common sense, deductive reasoning and logic mean nothing here. Sometimes this moment of truth has nothing to do with doing the right thing: a decision must be made. A general effective decision on life. Your life. Every man at one point in his life will meet this moment. It is our right to passage. It is also an often soul-searching, empty moment in our lives. Definition comes with our decision at this moment, yet it does not define who we are. Life, I assure you, is not always fair.

We all go through phases where we feel we are most down. There is a moment when you get home from work, you stare blankly at your stale food, all alone… the television, your only companion. You wonder what you’re here for. You wonder why you are experiencing such feelings. You wonder what, in the grand scheme of things, is your purpose. Then it will be a long, arduous battle to find those answers. Bad news is, and this is the truth, you will never find your answers until you’re old. Or if you are really out of luck, never at all. So you go find a Paulo Coelho book and hope against hope he can save you and provide you with an idiot’s guide on this little sojourn called life.

As you try to walk your own path, you realize you have to start off following someone else’s footsteps. Baby steps first, like they say. You get sparingly to the point where there’s no turning back. Your back to the wall and you don’t trust even yourself to get your life out of that doldrums. It is a foxhole. A quicksand in a foxhole, if ever that was possible. A quicksand in a foxhole right smack in the Bermuda triangle. No way out. So let’s see here.

No one needs a hand more than those who are falling – or being pushed – off a cliff. Hugs are so ethnic now but they’re all you need. It is amazing how a touch from another human being makes you feel… so human. It makes you feel vulnerable and you feel you’re not all alone. This is all you need to get out of this moment of self-actualization. Not that you like it; it’s not like you’ve got a choice to be in that kind of situation. Like I said earlier, it is our right to passage. It is your moment to find the truth of what your life brings. Answer or no answer.

A single vibration put me out of my reverie. I still catch myself staring at the untouched food on the table, stale smell reeking of hopelessness. An apt reflection of this moment. I reach out for my phone and read: “You busy Saturday?”

Maybe.

Again, from my brother’s blog.

I was thinking of a topic for today’s post, but my Zafra-sitis got in the way. Yeah, I just started reading Twisted 7 at exactly 4:00 pm today hoping that I would be able to pick up an idea or two of just what to write, but the negative Zafra vibrations hit me instead – got nothing good to say. (Peace, Jessica!)

So I opened my brother’s Multiply site… read through his blogs and got this fresh from his site. Sure thing it started off with negativism, too. But thank God before Mom died, she gave her best shot of motherhood that frustrating experiences come in fancy-colored wraps as we see them.

Reflections! It’s good we have them.

Life can sometimes be so lonely. People are so busy loving the things they own and using people to gain these things. People have forgotten to love other people instead and using things for their lone purpose of being just things to be used for a particular purpose.

Hugs.

Warm embrace.

A tap on the shoulder.

A smile.

Or just a loving stare.

All these have been so remote nowadays when all you need is just a single step. To others, it might be a daring step… maybe at first, but if you get used to it, it will be just as normal and voluntary as you breathe.

Try it.

Who knows? You might just save someone else’s lonely life… as you work on your own.

Brawling for Dinner

2008-11-06T22:29:00.004+12:00

Three slices of cold pizza and a bottle of Coke adorn my dining table like a feast on New Year’s Eve. Only it’s not New Year’s eve and more importantly it is not a feast. Far from it. I need to lose weight but this is not really the reason for the so-called feast that awaits. Although the slices were Hawaiian, it is not exactly Cobb Salad but I digress.

I can be a rather morbid person. I’m not exactly sure when or how I developed this character trait, but I’m predisposed to indulging in almost all that is unpleasant. This wasn’t with any sense of amusement, just a rational conclusion. So I push the first slice inside my mouth. It was a rather stale taste as I was suffering from a mild cold at that time so my taste buds prefer to take a leave of absence. I tried chewing but it was just a chore. I tried to drown it with Coke that I drank straight from the bottle. I puked a little but still tried to swallow. Only the jalapeños has a strong savor but it tasted like paper cup. I picked up the lone bacon that dropped to the floor. I contemplated to either eat it or just chuck it. Wala pang five minutes.

I could give up right now and die. Whoever finds my body could leave it right where it lies. I could have sworn I saw my whole life flash in front of me. But I struggled. I fight for those who don’t have anything to eat at all. Some don’t eat because they don’t want to or they wanted to lose weight but there are still the majority who don’t because they have no choice. I fight for those people. I fight for those who are rummaging the garbage cans for a thrown out piece of bread or a trace of meat off a T-bone. I scrap and claw for those kids with blackened skin from sunburn or from grease and dirt because of their everyday search for a living so that at the end of the day they have something to put inside their aching bellies and have energy for another day of scrapping and clawing all over again. I pronounce battle against malnutrition and the continuous price hike for a can of sardines and a pack of pancit canton.

But this was the real world, where the fun was supposed to stop. Eventually, I came to the conclusion that I have to grieve the inevitable. No one here gets out alive. Some of us just need to be reminded of that from time to time.

Leftovers, anyone?

P.S. Yamoj, pahiram ng post mo ha. Love this one kasi. By now, I know that you’re aware of this inevitable fact: “I’m your no. 1 fan!” (I guess Mom and Pop left me without a choice but to patronize that one family they gave me — YOU. “Peace brother!”)

Doubting God's Existence

2008-11-05T22:12:00.003+12:00

A man went to trim his hair and beard. As always happens, he and the barber chatted about this and that, until - commenting on a newspaper article about street kids - the barber stated:

“As you can see, this tragedy shows that God doesn’t exist.”

“How?”

“Don’t you read the papers? So many people suffer, abandoned children, there’s so much crime. If God existed, there wouldn’t be so much suffering.”

The customer thought for a moment, but his haircut was nearly finished, and he decided not to prolong the conversation. They returned to gentler topics, the job was done, the customer paid and left.

However, the first thing he saw was a tramp, with several days of beard, and long tangled hair.

Immediately, he returned to the barber’s shop and said to the man who had served him:

“You know something? Barbers don’t exist.”

“What do you mean, don’t exist? I’m here, and I’m a barber.”

“They don’t exist!” insisted the man, “because if they did, there wouldn’t be people with such longs beards and such tangled hair as I’ve just witnessed up on the corner.”

“I can guarantee that barbers do exist. But that man has never come in here.”

“Exactly! So, in answer to your question, God exists, too. It just so happens that people don’t go to Him. If they did, they would be more giving, and there wouldn’t be so much misery in the world.”

“I wanna just go to sleep and never wake up. If God is everywhere like my preschool teacher has always told us, I hope He hears me... Ahh! If He did listen to me, but I think He doesn’t.”

“Can I just stare blankly on just anything and nobody would notice?”

“I hope they would just hit me so hard that I will pass out and never gain consciousness.”

“They don’t care. Mom wouldn’t even know I’m dead. I think God wouldn’t do too.”

“If I kill myself, it’ll be useless. Because if my time isn’t up yet, I would live. And when I live and they would learn I tried to kill myself, the more they would get mad at me. So you see, it’s useless! And I’m freakin’ mad about this whole idea running through my mind over and over again.”

All these lines are from teenagers who are victims of circumstances. And I wouldn’t know if I should be glad they came up to me and heard all these rumblings or tell them to just give up. Thanks to Mr. Coelho whose site I seldom visit these days, but fortunately, I did today and read the above post.

Tomorrow, I’m looking forward to seeing these kids again. And hope to tell them this story on “Doubting God’s Existence”.

“Help me God that I’ll always remain faithful to You and inspire others to live their lives to the fullest, too. Make me Your instrument of WARMTH to those who needed to be touched. Make me Your EARS for those who would like to be listened to. Make me Your EYES for those who would like to see life’s beauty and wonder. Make me Your MOUTH for those who crave for justice. Make me Your HANDS for those who would like to be reached out. Make me Your FEET for those who like to walk on the road less traveled. And lastly, make me Your HEART for those who would like to be loved. Give me enough of these, Lord, and I shall follow Thy will. Amen.”

Twilight

2008-11-01T23:17:00.010+12:00

Category: Books
Genre: Science Fiction & Fantasy
Author: Stephenie Meyer

“Did you ever think that maybe my number was up the first time, with the van, and that you’ve been interfering with fate?” I speculated, distracting myself.

“That wasn’t the first time,” he said, and his voice was hard to hear. I stared at him in amazement, but he was looking down. “Your number was up the first time I met you.”

Twilight is a love story more than anything else. You probably have heard many stories of love and what makes them great. So what really makes a great love story? Well, first off, there has to be a struggle from both parties getting together; a great barrier. The Capulet and Montague family feud of Romeo and Juliet; rich girl Allie Hamilton meets local town boy Noah Calhoun from The Notebook. You get the picture.

So Edward Cullen is a sophisticated, god-like vamp and Bella Swan is the clumsiest, most ordinary small town girl you have ever met. Nothing more contrasting than that.

Spoiler alert!

So their story began when Bella moved from wide and sunny Arizona to a rainy, small town called Forks, Washington. Here she meets Edward, so their romance begins. Blah, blah, blah, yada, yada, yada. I will not describe to you in detail how their excruciating love story bloomed. The book is marketed at Young Adult readers so there’s a ton, and I mean ton, of cutesy, cheesy and all that corny stuff and dialogues, you have grown to love/hate from the days of Dawson’s Creek.

Now here are some chinks in the proverbial armor: I would have liked to know more about the history of the Cullens. I expect that their story would later on develop on the next few installments of the book. I haven’t read New Moon yet, the book’s sequel. So I would like to unravel some of the missing mysteries of the Cullen family.

I was also disappointed that the writer omitted the scene from the ballet studio. I will have to wait for the movie to see it. I saw some action scenes from the movie trailers that was obviously lacking from the book. The story is told in a first person perspective of Bella, so that’s why we only have to read what she knows. When she passes out, we also pass out, that’s how it is.

What I like about Twilight is it’s simple and so easy to read despite the 400 plus pages. I finished the book in only 14 hours. Of course, those were 14 hours spread out in 3 weeks. I just didn’t have time to really read. The small town of Forks was described that’ll leave you feeling like you can almost smell the damp air and hear the rain falling on the roof - like you’re almost there. The characters are almost realistic and not fictional like your next-door neighbors.

Overall, I have mixed feelings for this book. I just hope the coming movie adaptation will not disappoint and will bail out where the book came short. The romance between Edward and Bella will leave you to decide if their story is either touching and compelling or jaded and trite. Whichever side you choose, you’ll find this an appealing story you would want to crave for more.

Well, that was my brother's review for the book. So manly. Objective if you may judge. For me, maybe more emotional and yes... subjective -- every inch a woman's feeling touched by Edward and Bella's love story. Yeah, if my brother should have the chance to read this, he might just laugh it out.

"Gosh! I was holding my breathe each time Edward and Bella share that moment together, especially in that forest where they have to kiss -- Bella carried with her human need and Edward moving away each time for fear to crash her fragile Bella."

"Aaaaww!!!", was my brother's short reply.

Surely, this book is worth the grab. I was able to finish it in 10 hours within two days. The 2nd day inside the bus from Manila to La Union.

Real nice, eh!

CABAnata 22: Meeting the Unknown

2008-10-16T22:19:00.006+12:00

October 11, 2008.

“What is your most frustrating experience and what have you realized from it?”

Quite a difficult, yet challenging question… but considering my height, surely, this is not one of the most controversial “question and answer” portion in a beauty contest. Maybe in due time, I shall reveal to you what was this question all about. But as of now, let me just share to you my answer as I meet the unknown for the first time…

I paused for a while. Groping for words to say. I thought of my mother’s death or my father’s, but at the back of my mind, I can hear that little voice telling me, “Are you ready to disclose that? You might just break into tears and blow this chance of a lifetime.”

So I listened to that voice.

Then I confidently started articulating what I thought was a safe answer:

“Actually, I don’t consider any of my experiences as source of my frustration. There may be downfalls but I always see things in a positive light that they no longer appear to me as frustrating.”

The woman across the desk was smiling. And so I smiled back, too… nervously though. Hopefully, hers was a satisfied smile.

Come November, if such question will be asked from me again, I would be more honest. And this is what I intend to say:

“Frustrating experience? Oh well, the first time that was asked of me, I said: I don’t consider any of my experiences as source of my frustration. There may be downfalls but I always see things in a positive light that they no longer appear to me as frustrating.”

“On my way home, I realized though that what I gave was such a safe answer.”

“I first thought of my parents’ death… but I don’t consider it frustrating, it is more of a depressive experience than frustrating. So I have two things in mind…” (pause… for a more dramatic air…)

“First, upon graduating from college, I would have preferred pursuing immediately Clinical Psychology, which I thought then, was my ultimate dream. But due to financial reasons, my mother asked me to work so I would be able to support my younger brother’s schooling or else, he wouldn’t be able to finish college. And like any other Filipino eldest child, I did what was asked of me. So I became a pre-school teacher and a shadow teacher to mainstreamed pupils. And even without those sped units, I tried in the best of my ability, to give what was due to these children. That first job, considering all those efforts, which I thought was my most frustrating experience opened a new door for me – realizing that I would still be able to help the less privileged in the society by being a teacher.”

“Secondly, when I was already immersed in special education, frustration hit me hard seeing how unfortunate children with special needs are in the Philippines. In my community alone, public schools have low ability to provide quality education to regular kids, more so to special children. That’s when I started dreaming for a home school for children with disabilities. Then again, financial reasons got in the way.”

“So maybe you would ask me, what then am I doing here – sitting face-to-face with you? The answer is simple: The realization of that dream is in your hands.”

------ Applause! Applause! Applause! ------

He and She

2008-09-28T20:01:00.004+12:00

She in her youth
fell in love
He in his passion
got her pregnant.

She in her innocence
gave him her all
He in his ambition
left her pained.

She in her selflessness
took him when he returned
He in his insensitivity
wounded her in every comeback.

She in her deathbed
loved him still
He in his suffering
longed another chance.

She in her last breath
uttered forgiveness for him
He in his other life
welcomed her to eternity.

She is my mother
died of cancer
He is my father
slept and never woke up.

She is my mother
died six months after him
He is my father
died six months before her.

Now, she and he are united
stood by their promise:
Not “’Til death do us part”
but “Death brought us together”.

This was a poem I composed for my parents maybe two or three years ago which I posted in my CABAnata blogsite in 2007... wherever they may be, my only hope is that they are happy and free of all the earthly burdens they have felt in their lifetime. And that, if in their hearts they feel I haven't made known to them in words and/or in actions that I love them... then for one more day, I wish be granted to me.

For One More Day

2008-09-28T01:19:00.002+12:00

“Let me guess. You want to know why I tried to kill myself.”
-- Chick Benetto’s first words to me

THIS STORY IS ABOUT A FAMILY and, as there is a ghost involved, you might call it a ghost story. But every family is a ghost story. The dead sit at our tables long after they have gone.

THIS PARTICULAR STORY belongs to Charles “Chick” Benetto. He was not the ghost. He was very real. I found him on a Saturday morning, in the bleachers of a Little League field, wearing a navy windbreaker and chewing peppermint gum. Maybe you remember him from his baseball days. I have spent part of my career as a sportswriter, so the name was familiar to me on several levels……

……What I have written here is what Charles “Chick” Benetto told me in our conversation that morning – which stretched out much longer than that – as well as personal notes and pages from his journal that I found later, on my own. I have assembled them into the following narrative, in his voice, because I’m not sure you would believe this story if you didn’t hear it in his voice.

You may not believe it anyhow.

But ask yourself this: Have you ever lost someone you love and wanted one more conversation, one more chance to make up for the time when you thought they would be here forever? If so, then you know you can go your whole life collecting days, and none will outweigh the one you wish you had back.

What if you got it back?

May 2006

For One More Day is a story of a mother and a son, and a relationship that lasts a lifetime and beyond. It explores the question: What would you do if you could spend one more day with a lost loved one?

As a child, Charley Benetto is told by his father, “You can be a Mama’s boy or you can be a Daddy’s boy, but you can’t be both.” So he chooses his father, and he worships him – right up to the day the man disappears. An eleven-year-old Charley must then turn to his mother, who bravely raises him on her own, despite Charley’s embarrassment and yearnings for a complete family.

Decades later, Charley is a broken man. His life has been crumbled by alcohol and regret. He loses his job. He leaves his family. He hits bottom after discovering his only daughter has shut him out of her wedding.

And he decides to take his own life.

He makes a midnight ride to his small hometown, with plans to do himself in. But upon failing even to do that, he staggers back to his old house only to make an astonishing discovery. His mother – who died eight years earlier – is still living there, and welcomes him home as if nothing had ever happened.

What follows is the one “ordinary” day so many of us yearn for, a chance to make good with a lost parent, to explain family secrets, and to seek forgiveness. Somewhere between this life and the next, Charley learns the things he never knew about his mother and her sacrifices. And he tries, with her tender guidance, to put the crumbled pieces of his life back together.

This is an excerpt from the book and these very lines made me delay my read for almost a year. Because the first time I did try opening the pages of this book, I felt my heart constrict like there was no “later” and that oxygen is an element that never existed in this planet.

But after a year, I found myself grabbing it out my shelf… and I journeyed in the past with Chick Benetto.

When I’m ready, I will disclose in this same blank site I call my blog, my life and why I too, like Chick, crave for one more day…

The QWERTY Keyboard

2008-09-10T21:56:00.009+12:00

"Normality is merely a matter of consensus; that is, a lot of people think something is right, and so that thing becomes right."

"Some things are governed by common sense. Putting buttons on the front of a shirt is a matter of logic, since it would be very difficult to button them up at the side, and impossible if they were at the back."

"Other things, however, become fixed because more and more people believe that's the way they should be... Have you ever wondered why the keys on a typewriter are arranged in that particular order?"

"No, I haven't."

"We call it the QWERTY keyboard, because that's the order of the letters on the first row of keys. I once wondered why it was like that, and I found the answer: The first machine was invented by Christopher Sholes in 1873, to improve on calligraphy, but there was a problem: If a person typed very fast, the keys got stuck together and stopped the machine from working. Then Sholes designed the QWERTY keyboard, a keyboard that would oblige typists to type more slowly."

"I don't believe it."

"But it's true. It so happened that Remington -- which made sewing machines as well as guns at the time -- used the QWERTY keyboard for its first typewriters. That meant that more people were forced to learn that particular system, and more companies started to make those keyboards, until it became the only available model. To repeat: The keyboard on typewriters and computers was designed so that people would type more slowly, not more quickly, do you understand? If you changed the letters around, you wouldn't find anyone to buy your product."

-- an excerpt: Veronika Decides to Die by Paulo Coelho

There are two points to ponder on from the excerpt above:

First, normality is dictated not by our conscience or by our individuality but by what the majority thinks. Consensus Theory in Social Psychology is categorized in two areas: A descriptive theory is one that tells how things are, while a normative theory tells how things ought to be (Wikipedia).

More and more people are discontented with their lives and have grown unhappier each day. Families break. Job turn-overs. War against countries. Economics depleting. Questions about ones own existence and God's. Some built walls within themselves. Others created a paradise of their own -- in their minds and they have been trapped inside those walls... inside those paradise and the "normal" people spit on them calling these people "insane".

But the question remains: "Who is normal?" and "Who is insane?"

Is it the man in coat and tie riding his ferrari to work, kissing his wife goodbye in the morning, telling her he'll be late due to a dinner meeting with associates and at night goes to bed with another woman whom he loves so much but because for political reasons he needs his family to be intact?

Or is it the greasely man across his company who sold all his belongings just to live with the poor and the oppressed and is now begging for alms with placards on his chest saying, "The TIME has come. SAVE yourselves!"?

Is it the woman who wakes up each day attending to her family's needs and her drunkard good-for-nothing partner, working twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week because she says she cannot leave her children and husband because it is her obligation to fill-in their hungry stomachs?

Or is it the young lady her neighbors call a rebel because she painted her house in red and black, wearing only clothes with skull, adorned herself with metals, pierced herself here and there to broadcast her individuality?

It is up to you to say who is happy and who is not.

Who is normal and who is insane.

The catch however is this: When you judge, then you become like anyone else.

Second, some things come and they are the way they are or some things aren't there as we please not because they make life easier for us or difficult to punish us in some ways but because they make us feel that life should be lived in slow motion so we can savour and devour every detail of it.

Always in our lives, we want our wishes to be granted in a split second. Though we know it is not often like that, we still think that way, then we become more and more frustrated, discontented... and the more that we feel that, the farther we become to our happiness. I too often contemplate, if God is a good God, why are there illnesses of all sorts, or accidents, taking our love ones away from us? Or why are there so much injustice? Why didn't God just broke the lands equally among each people so territorial issues don't instigate war among brothers and nations? Why are there so much doubt in people's hearts about there being who they are when the only reason of there existence is God's great love which He wanted to share us?

Then again I ask:

Is INDIVIDUALITY = HAPPINESS?

Why is it that a step is very difficult to take?

What MARY JOCELYN Means (Coincidental?!)

2008-09-04T21:57:00.007+12:00

You are confident, self assured, and capable. You are not easily intimidated. (A bit, but in reality, not so much. I think I am a little shy and reserved in some areas.)

You master any and all skills easily. (Slight!) You don't have to work hard for what you want. (In fact, I do work hard to get what I want in life. Taking two board exams in a year, that is.)

You make your life out to be exactly how you want it. (See!!! I told you!) And you'll knock down anyone who gets in your way! (Yeah, like when Ronald gets on my last slice of porkchop! He'll get a plate flying over his head!)

You are usually the best at everything (Still, slightly true!)... you strive for perfection. (I do???)

You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. (Not much!!!) You have the classic "Type A" personality.

You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something. (Ahhhh!!! This is definitely NOT sooooo ME!!!)

You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense. (Again, slightly ME!!!)

You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun. (Uh-huh!!! Haven't gotten myself in trouble lately! Around two days to be exact...)

You are a free spirit, and you resent anyone who tries to fence you in. (Just how I have blogged it!)

You are unpredictable, adventurous, and always a little surprising. (Nah-ah!!!)

You may miss out by not settling down, but you're too busy having fun to care. (Geeeezzzz... now I'm convinced I am special, too.)

You are fair, honest, and logical. You are a natural leader, and people respect you. (Indeed I am. Oh well, I hope so.)

You never give up, and you will succeed... even if it takes you a hundred tries. (Just the way I like it!)

You are rational enough to see every part of a problem. You are great at giving other people advice. (That's what a Guidance Counselor does!!!)

You are well rounded, with a complete perspective on life. (I think so, too!)

You are solid and dependable. You are loyal, and people can count on you. (Real!)

At times, you can be a bit too serious. You tend to put too much pressure on yourself. (I do???)

You are very open. You communicate well, and you connect with other people easily. (The last line, not so much. They say I often talk so fast like an armalite!)

You are a naturally creative person. Ideas just flow from your mind. (I AM!!!)

A true chameleon, you are many things at different points in your life. You are very adaptable. (Yes! Like I'm a mother, a career woman, a wife, a student, a grand-daughter, a daughter-in-law, a sister, a friend... to some, a monster!!! Geeezzzzz!!!)

You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone. (Nah-uh!!! Itsy-bitsy!)

You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together. (Slight!)

At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together. (I am!!!)

You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow. (Not much!!!)

You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily. (I AM -- in caps lock!!!)

Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is. (I am happy, but not much... especially in a chaotic world. senti-senti-sic-sic-sob-sob!!!)

You are very intuitive and wise. (Uh-huh!!!) You understand the world better than most people. (This is hard to claim. What do you think?)

You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts. (I do! I do! I do!)

You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals. (No comment!!!)

Nyahahahahaha!!! The last lines are soooooo TRUE!!! Maybe, I got this from my work as a Counselor -- reading-between-the-lines stuff!

This thing is cute, eh! Got it from http://www.blogthings.com/

A Mug of Water and A Quake Enhances Memory

2008-09-02T22:14:00.006+12:00

From: Quintos, Mary Catherine
02/09/2008
10:21 AM

“Congrats, Jo! Galing, ah!” ;-)

That was Kate’s text message which I was able to read by half passed eleven.

The first word… I felt numbness.

Then my toes got some tingles.

Then my fingers came fidgeting.

Then I started jumping and shouting and laughing and crying all at once.

Arleen came from the other cubicle… shocked with how I was acting.

Students passing by were staring questioningly, too… but they kept their smiles to themselves. Or just maybe, they were too polite to tell me how crazy-looking I was.

But what the heck! I don’t care. Don’t care a bit.

Exactly a month ago, I had a pile of books, photocopied notes, course syllabus and anything I could get from my cabinet, from friends, from the bookstore and from my supportive MAGAC adviser on my table… table in my cubicle, table in my study, table in the dining, divan near the kitchen, on my bed, and even under my bed.

Two weeks before that, I passed my application for the board examination at PRC Baguio.

But two weeks thereafter, I haven’t read a single line of any introduction of any of the materials under my perusal.

Then, I only had three weeks…

God knows how I squeezed in all the words in my mentally-challenged brain in a weeks time. (Yeah, God gave me just a week to realize I have to do something, or else…)

August 21-22, 2008.

Judgment Day.

Then there was “Luker”.

Then restless nights came as I wait for the result. During those times I was able to get some sleep, I had nightmares. (Picture the suffering!??)

Then today came.

And Kate’s text message.

Ahhhhhhh!!! Sweet success!

I have come to conclude that the following leads you somewhere:

1. tons of prayer,
2. a lot of guts,
3. a little pressure to make it tolerable,
4. some procrastination (I did this through sleep),
5. a good deal of common sense for unexpected and inevitable circumstances,
6. a que-sera-sera attitude (Got it from my beloved Mom’s lullaby… sure she’s one happy and 7. proud Mom as she looks down on me now!)
7. blank stares over a pile of reading materials,
8. a mug of water before squeezing in some info,
9. a wrap of Quake, a chocolate-coated muffin everyday or make it twice a day to become more effective, and
10. blogging!!!!!!

Believe me, this list works. It gave me two professional licenses in a year! You can disarrange it according to how it suits you.

Now these I say are my OFFICIAL MEMORY ENHANCERS!!!

CABAnata 21: I am a Licensed GUIDANCE COUNSELOR

2008-09-02T21:53:00.007+12:00

Guidance Counselor Licensure Examination Results August 2008

The Professional Regulation Commission (PRC) announces that 84 out of 140 passed the Guidance Counselor Licensure Examination given by the Board of Guidance and Counseling.

The members of the Board of Guidance and Counseling are Lily Rosqueta-Rosales, Officer-in-Charge; and Luzviminda S. Guzman, Member.

Registration for the issuance of Professional Identification Card (ID) and Certificate of Registration will be announced later. Those who will register are required to bring the following: duly accomplished Oath Form or Panunumpa ng Propesyonal, current Community Tax Certificate (cedula), 2 pieces passport size picture (colored with white background and complete nametag), 1 piece 1" x 1" picture (colored with white background and complete nametag), 2 sets of metered documentary stamps, and 1 short brown envelope with name and profession; and to pay the Initial Registration Fee of P600 and Annual Registration Fee of P450 for 2008-2011. Successful examinees should personally register and sign in the Roster of Registered Professionals.

The oathtaking ceremony of the successful examinees in the said examination as well as the previous ones who have not taken their Oath of Professional will be held before the Board on Sunday, September 28, 2008, at 1:30 in the afternoon, at the Centennial Hall, Manila Hotel, One Rizal Park, Manila.

Successful Examinees in the GUIDANCE COUNSELOR LICENSURE EXAMINATION

1 ALDAY, MYRA PATRON
2 AQUI, ANNA CHRISTINA SANTOS
3 ATILLO, ANALENE NATIVIDAD
4 AWINGAN, WILMALYN ADAG
5 BABANTO, RHEENA ESTER BANTULA
6 BACOSA, LEAH SIOSON
7 BASAWIL, CECILE AGUILAN
8 BAUTISTA, ANGELIE DOLIGOSA
9 BAUTISTA, MARIA THERESA MERCADO
10 BELTRAN, FLORY CAYABYAB
11 BUENAFE, FINI JOY PALACIO
12 BUSTILLO, ANGELI BALDOVINO
13 CABACUNGAN, NERISSA GONZALES
14 CABARON, LYNMARIE THERESE ARANETA
15 CADANO, KRISTINE CEPE
16 CALLO, FRANCES RUTH LOURDES SESPERES
17 CANLAS, CHERRY LOU DUQUE
18 CARDENAS, MARIA TERESA TABUÑAR
19 CARLOS, KRISTINA ROSE GUIAO
20 CHAN, CHERRY LO
21 CHUA, CLAUDINE SY
22 CIPRIANO, ADARNA MIRASOL
23 CORTEZ, MARIA DOROTHY ALONZO
24 CORTEZ, MARYROSE PICO
25 CUA, CYMBELINE CHAN
26 CUDEL, ANDREW DE LUNA
27 DAVID, ADONIS PACLEB
28 DE CASTRO, FRANCINE ROSE ASUNCION
29 DELA CRUZ, SHERILLYN DIZON
30 DIZON, MICHELLE MARIE CALIXTO
31 DIZON, STEPHANIE ROSE TOLENTINO
32 DOMENDEN, NHORLY URBIZTONDO
33 GAGNI, ELIZABETH MARFEL FORTES
34 GONZALEZ, MARIA MARGARITA CRISOSTOMO
35 HOGGANG, GERALDA PINOY-AN
36 IMBANG, LEI MARIE FENETE
37 JANAIRO, EFRAEM ABAD
38 JOSUE, MARY JOCELYN BALANGUE
39 JOVER, MURIEL MINERVA
40 KURZE, ANDREA ROBERTO
41 LAWAS, RICKY REMETIO
42 LEGASPI, ESTESA XARIS QUE
43 LINGALING, ROSALIE OSALVO
44 LOPEZ, JOCELYN BUENAVENTURA
45 LUBONG, MARICEL VELASCO
46 MAURICIO, CANDY DELA CRUZ
47 MEDINA, FERDINAND LABIOS
48 MENDOZA, ANNIE TANCIOCO
49 MORES, ELMERANDO TAGUIBAO
50 NAVAL, JEANETTE VICTORIA ALBANO
51 NAVAREZ, JOEL CASTILLO
52 NAYVE, MARY ANNE LOPEZ
53 NGO, MYRLINDA ROSE ABAD
54 OAEL, IRENE CULAS
55 OCAMPO, MARICAR BERNARDO
56 OIDE, CONCHITA LICUANAN
57 PADSOYAN, REYNALYN TAYAWA
58 PAELANO, AARON MAGNO
59 PAJARILLAGA, FLERIDA SANTIAGUEL
60 PANTALEON, JAYMEE ABIGAIL KLINEFELTER
61 PAPAS, LOVELYN SISON
62 PARCASIO, AURORA PAULO
63 PAULO, MARY GRACE BLASICO
64 PIDLAOAN, KAREN CUSTODIO
65 PRE, JULIUS CUARESMA
66 QUEMI, MARIFEL PONCE
67 QUIAMNO, DIOSDADO JR BONDE
68 QUIBA, CAROLYN CRUZ
69 QUIBA, MENDELSON POLANTE
70 QUINDOR, JUDYLYNN IGUBAN
71 RIMANDO, KAREN ORTIGUERO
72 ROGEL, ELNA MARTIN
73 ROSAL, MANOL TABLADA
74 SALDA, JESHANAH BASALONG
75 SARABIA, JOSELITO SAÑADA
76 SINDOL, ANNIE EVE DAVID
77 STA ANA, OLIVER BALTAZAR
78 TIMBOL, MA NANETTE CRUZ
79 TOLEDO, CAROL MADLANGSAKAY
80 TRAGICO, GIFT DEL CARMEN
81 TRIGUERO, JANICE PUNZALAN
82 VILLAREAL, RITA LORENZO
83 VILLON, ALEXANDRA WANDA LOMOD
84 YAMZON, MAY DAVID

CONGRATULATIONS to all of us who made History in the field of GUIDANCE and COUNSELING here in the Philippines!!!

CABAnata 20: I am a Licensed TEACHER

2008-09-02T21:38:00.004+12:00

May 2, 2008
LET Exam Results for April 2008 Secondary Level

Roll of Successful Examinees in the
L.E.T. - SECONDARY - All Regions
Held on APRIL 6, 2008
Released on APRIL 30, 2008

Page: 39 of 76
Seq. No. N a m e

1851 JOSE, JOANNE PAGLIAWAN
1852 JOSEF, FLORDECILA ABORDO
1853 JOSUE, MARY JOCELYN BALANGUE
1854 JOVEN, JIECEBEL BELEÑA
1855 JOVENAL, LUDY BAGINDA
1856 JOYOHOY, HAZEL MAGLINTE
1857 JUABAN, LOURDES LUPIBA
1858 JUAÑO, LEAH TAGUMPAY
1859 JUBASAN, LAILE REAN ACEBUCHE
1860 JUDAN, RONALD FERNANDEZ
1861 JUEVES, IRENE BANAC
1862 JULIAN, ADORA PACTOL
1863 JULWAHID, ALDING BALADJI
1864 JUMAO-AS, CHARITO GARCIA
1865 JUMAO-AS, DOMINADOR APARILLA
1866 JUMAQUIO, MICHAEL DELA CRUZ
1867 JUMAWAN, APRIL ALEGRIA
1868 JUMAWAN, KAREN MAE OCUM
1869 JUNIO, ROEN MORADOS
1870 JUNTILLA, ANALYN BOOC
1871 JUNTILLA, JOAN MANSUETO
1872 JUNTO, ROCELIO GALIMBA
1873 JUSTINIANI, JEHN PILAPIL
1874 JUSTO, ROMEL OCARIS
1875 JUSTOBA, YURI COPINGCO
1876 JUTBA, KRISTINE AUSEJO
1877 JUTIC, MARY ROSE BARRACA

Kamikaze Me... A Free Spirit

2008-09-01T22:01:00.009+12:00

Kamikaze (Kamikaze literally: "God-wind", "God speed", "light wind", "spirit-wind" or "divinity-wind"; common translation: "divine wind") is a word of Japanese origin, which in English usually refers to the suicide attacks by military aviators from the Empire of Japan against Allied shipping, in the closing stages of the Pacific campaigns of World War II, to destroy as many warships as possible.

The official Japanese term for these attacks was tokubetsu kōgeki tai ("Special Attack Units"), but the word shinpū (also meaning "divine wind"; another reading of the kanji for kamikaze) was also used for the suicide units. Though the Japanese government did not use the pronunciation kamikaze, it was commonly used by ordinary people, to whom it was considerably more familiar.

I first encountered the word from Jessica Zafra's Twisted Edition and thought to myself, "There are a lot of Filipino drivers who give their passengers a "kamikaze ride".

Now I have the chance to re-think and reflect over the word after more or less ten years because today marks the first of "Mondays with ME" (as I decide it would be...) and it's 11:00pm and I haven't thought of any relevant subject to write about. And so the word bugs me like a ............................................................

Can't find the right words. (lol!!!)

So I just typed in the word on the yahoo search engine and "Whoalla!" ... the word appeared the nth series. But since I am a Wiki-child, I advanced my reading through the Wiki pages and so the italics above came out.

The first few lines struck me. Really hit me hard right straight at my jaw! Nice punch, eh! (the succeeding didn't surprise me though) but the "God-wind", the "God-speed", "light wind", "spirit wind", and "Divinity wind" just made me stare at my monitor with much awe.

I mean, "God-wind"... literally, I interpret it as "God is in the wind" just how I always thought He is everytime I ride my bus and widely open my windows and let the breeze brush through my bare skin.

"God-speed"... just how speedy God can be? Well, our thoughts are still running but He already knows what will happen next. And we say "God speed" when a love one will leave us along with our warmest good-bye kiss or hugs!

"Light wind"... indeed the wind is so light it can carry our inner waves and touch other people's energy -- which I term psychological space. Our temperament even affects nature's future with our emission of either positive or negative energies; global warming, that is.

"Spirit wind"... so if God is in the wind, thus the wind is alive. It has a spirit of its own. Like any other creature, great and small... seen and unseen... we are connected or should I say, we are ONE.

"Divinity wind"... and so be it! The Divine intercedes. He is the giver of life.

Henceforth I conclude with conviction... "The next time I ride my bus, kamikaze ride is not the right term but KAMIKAZE ME for like the wind, God is in me... who I am can swiftly encourage or kill another wounded soul... a Divine power works through me... and my spirit is free...

Free to LIVE.

Free to LOVE.

Free to LEARN.

And thus again... I re-write my life.

CABAnata 19: The LUKER Fever!

2008-08-29T21:32:00.003+12:00

This is my first entry after daring to make a step forward. And today marks the 7th day after the first ever licensure exam for Guidance and Counseling in the Philippines.

Seven long days of anxiety for the 160 of us who dared to make history… our 7th day suffering the “Luker fever”.

The two-day board exam started last August 21, 2008 held at Manuel L. Quezon University, Quiapo, Manila. The experience of just being in the busy streets of Quiapo, passing by the miraculous church where several old ladies unconsciencely sell “pamparegla” (instigate menstruation) roots soaked in whatever liquid that was and goon-looking men hiding themselves behind innocent-looking children waiting for prey was already an ordeal for me to go through. What more would answering 675 items with just a ten-year experience in the field to equip me bring out in me? Oooooohhhhh… the “Luker fever” I guess!

You bet I had the most… I mean, one of the most significant experiences in my thirty years of existence (Yeah! Yeah… I’m thirty years old. Not so young anymore!) during the board exam – it’s being introduced to “Luker” for the first time. And what a heck of an experience!

Have you been subjected to an overwhelming embarrassment all your life?

Oh well, in my case, the only consolation for my embarrassment was… errrr… so far, that is, was that my level of embarrassment wasn’t known to others.

Right that you are! I was caught off guard when I encountered “Luker” and his/her theory encapsulated in almost 10% of the questions in that milestone called “board examination”!

In my previous blog, I mentioned with pride that I have used eclectic counseling for almost ten years now. There are my favorite Person-Centered Approach by Rogers and Existential Theory by May and Frankl and several others. There is also the all-time controversial Psychosexual Orientation by Freud and his famous libido concept; Erikson’s Psychosocial Development; Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs; Piaget’s Cognitive Development; Developmental Tasks by Havighurst; the Behaviorist perspective by Pavlov, Skinner and Bandura; Williamson’s Trait-Factor Counseling; Transactional Analysis by Berne; Glasser’s Reality Therapy; REBT by Ellis; Psychosocial Learning by Krumboltz; and a dozen more like Super, Parsons, Roe, Gottfredson, Dawis, Holland, Brown, Young, Mitchelle, Gysbers, Ginzburg and Ginsberg for career pathing. But “LUKER”???

Oh “Luker”! Don’t even know if he is a he or she is a she!!!

Haven’t really met him/her even by-passingly in any psychology-related or guidance and counseling book… more so of his/her theory and developmental stages in counseling.

So how did I answer the almost 10% question?

Easy meat!

I used a bit of common sense.

Spiced with my analytic persona.

And then 99% of “ini-mini-my-ni-moh” stuff!

Sure that’s neat for someone who would like to make history, eh!

But I’m sure as heaven could witness, I am experiencing the “Luker fever” up to this very moment!

Maybe the only way to lower the tension is the board exam result to be posted -- the “gate-keeping” perspective -- either opening some fresh and new heights for me or ending my Guidance and Counseling career.

Duh! Anyway I already have my Special Ed license, it won’t matter much anyway!

(sob-sob-sic-sic)

Hey, I’m not sour-graping!

Just being realistic anyhow.

But to anyone who happen to pass by my site and read this entry, hope you’ll bridge the gap between me and LUKER!!!

CABAnata 18: Next Big Step to Be "I am"

2008-08-15T21:58:00.005+12:00

Career development involves one’s whole life, not just occupation. As such, it concerns the whole person… More than that, it concerns him or her in the ever-changing contexts of his or her life. The environmental pressures and constraints, the bonds that tie him or her to significant others, responsibilities to children and aging parents, the total structure of one’s circumstances are also factors that must be understood and reckoned with. In these terms, career development and personal development converge. Self and circumstances – evolving, changing, unfolding in mutual interaction – constitute the focus and the drama of career development (Wolfe & Kolb, 1980, pp. 1-2).

“Working lives” and “working histories” – two powerful words, shaping and re-shaping who we are.

This week, will mark another milestone in my life. Career pathing. Life pathing.

After passing the Licensure Exam for Teachers last April with a whooping 84% equivalent to a two-week self-review, I have accepted another challenge – professionally that is. I mean… I have chosen to take a rather courageous step in conquering another licensure examination – the first ever Licensure Exam for Guidance Counselors in the Philippines.

But the pressure is stronger this time. At least when I took the LET then, I had an excuse of not passing. I can easily say even in a bitchy way, “Oh well, I only had my Education units via the Open University System. Modules didn’t teach me well. And I only had a two-week review in my self-contained asylum.” Isn’t that neat?

Yeah! This time is different. B.S. Psychology is my undergraduate degree. I earned my Master’s Degree in Guidance and Counseling in 2006 from an accredited state university. Guidance and Counseling is my career for ten years now.

I have been practicing eclectic counseling as far as I can remember. Maybe I have mastered the use of REBT and script analysis throughout my practice. I can recite with ease the counseling techniques from cognitive to affective to behavioral domains. Theories? I know them by heart including the theorists. Though Rogers and Frankl are my favorites.

An update? There is the Neurolinguistic Programming. The pioneer in the Philippines is Dr. Imelda Villar. And luckily, I have a copy of all her books.

I have slept over making a module in group process. Consensus theory. Conflict theory. T-groups. I even tried combining my knowledge in Adjunctive Therapeutic Techniques with Group Dynamics. And it works.

I do career counseling every now and then. I can draw with clarity Super’s and Krumboltz’s and Ginzberg’s and Peterson’s career guidance models. Thanks to Parsons who started it all.

Starting January through December, I deal with more than a dozen psychological tests -- from the simple SLU-Verbal and Nonverbal Intelligence Tests to the somewhat complicated Otis-Lennon School Ability Test and Wechsler Adult Intelligence Scale; from the easily interpreted Emotions Profile Index to the 16 Personality Factors Test to a seemingly difficult to interpret Adjustment Scales for Children and Adolescents. Item Analysis. Norming. I go over the process year after year after year.

And of course, with the Guidance Program, all these are possible. Ah! The board exam includes the development, administration and maintenance and evaluation of a Guidance Program. What can I say? I just submitted today the final form of our TSDP Challenge or the Tri-lineal Strategic Developmental Plan Challenge. That makes the program developmental in nature.

But my! The pressure is on me. If I fail…

Yeah! If I fail…

Can’t fill-in the blank this time.

But honestly, whether I fail or hit the 75% passing rate, I shall treat myself for accepting the challenge – the challenge of partaking in a milestone in Guidance and Counseling history in the Philippines.

Imagine, even if I fail, at least I can say that I was the first “guinea pig” who failed in the board exam! Nice, eh!!!

But I hope and pray (and hope you’d pray with me and for me, too) that the good Lord shall open my long-term memory bank so I can pick out the correct data from my compartmentalized brain.

This is my career.

This is my choice.

I decided to be here.

Myself. The integration of my personality and society – past experiences, present and future motivations made all these possible.

This is my life.

I am “I”.

Tuesdays with Morrie (Mondays with Me)

2008-08-13T22:42:00.006+12:00

In the South American rainforest, there is a tribe called the Desana, who see the world as a fixed quantity of energy that flows between all creatures. Every birth must therefore engender a death, and every death brings forth another birth. This way, the energy of the world remains complete.

When they hunt for food, the Desana know that the animals they kill will leave a hole in the spiritual well. But that hole will be filled, they believe, by the souls of the Desana hunters when they die. Were there no men dying, there would be no birds and fish being born. I like this idea. Morrie likes it, too. The closer he gets to good-bye, the more he seems to feel we are all creatures in the same forest. What we take, we must replenish.

"It's only fair," he says.

I'm reading two books in a row which I started the other Saturday; both of which is written by Mitch Albom. You guessed it right if you are a fan of this renowned author – Tuesdays with Morrie and The Five People You Meet in Heaven.

It seems I cannot have much time savoring the content of these books. I read one on my way to school and on my way home. Yeah, my usual routine. I read inside the bus. Sorry to Dr. Guani, I never followed her advice. Does that make me a bad patient? Sort of, eh!

But what did I get from reading through Morrie inside a moving vehicle? Headache? Yeah! Headache and nausea. I don't care.

Go back to the above italics, isn't it amazing to know that we are all interconnected? God created you and me and anyone and anything else in this world for a purpose. Not just out of a childish whimsical chuvanes of an ultimate showing off of power. I am here because I was destined to be here. You were born because you were meant to be. A blade of grass grew out of proportion in your neatly manicured lawn because it was preordained by nature to be there. There is meaning in every swaying of the leaves. There is purpose in every drop of dew. There is significance in every lighted fire. There is a consequence for every word spoken no matter how trivial. There is one rhythm the Earth follows. And for a single beat that falters, everything falls out of order.

Death? Life? It is part of the cycle. It is part of the rhythm. It is the beat that all human and animals and plants and even the simplest of all creations – both living and non-living things – everything fills in a destined place, and when it vacates its place, something would fill in the vacated hole.

What the heck is this hole? Simple. It is that key note when left unattended would erode and pull everything else, destroying the beauty and balance of nature. Leaving a vacuum of nothingness.

"I heard a nice little story the other day," Morrie says. He closes his eyes for a moment and I wait.

"Okay. The story is about a little wave, bobbing along in the ocean, having a grand old time. he's enjoying the wind and the fresh air – until he notices the other waves in front of him, crashing against the shore."

"'My God, this is terrible,' the wave says. 'Look what's going to happen to me!'

"Then along comes another wave. It sees the first wave, looking grim, and it says to him, 'Why do you look so sad?'

"The first wave says, 'You don't understand! We're all going to crash! All of us waves are going to be nothing! Isn't it terrible?'

"The second wave says, 'No, you don't understand. You're not a wave; you're part of the ocean.'"

I smile. Morrie closes his eyes again.

"Part of the ocean," he says, "part of the ocean." I watch him breathe, in and out, in and out.

Indeed, we are all part of a great ocean. A greater plan. That even after death, eternity awaits us. Only the physical of who we are dies. And decays. But the wonder of our creation merges with a far reaching purpose. Whatever that may be… I'll just see you when we get there!

Yeah… when our time comes. When we crash to the shore. When we join all other waves. When we realize we are home in our oceans.

And after closing the last page of Mitch's lessons with Morrie, I break loose the page of the other book so I can have a good taste of its substance – trying to find out how is it to have another day with a loved one.

Next issue, I shall post my review for "For One More Day". Feeling so spooky? Hope not. Because Morrie said, "It is only when we learn how to die that we learn how to live."

"Why so?" Again he said, "Everyone knows they're going to die, but nobody believes it. If we did, we would do things differently."

"How?" you may ask. I say, "If you knew that you will have to die at exactly six o'clock this evening, I bet you won't honk and curse the old lady crossing passed your CRV. Instead, you'll move out from the comforts of your car and lead that lady where she is headed to."

Now, that's what's makes death help you to become more human. Adding an extra "e" so you become humane.

For the next part of this post -- "Mondays with Me",

Aaaahhhh.... I guess you have to wait until Monday!

The Five People I Might (Want to) Meet in Heaven

2008-08-10T03:32:00.002+12:00

You see, when my time comes, I want to be as prepared as possible that even the people I would meet in Heaven is already playing in my wild imagination. But actually, death is still something I don't want to entertain because I have two little kids I wish to see grow and accept the world's challenges in my presence. Though creepy, the two books by Albom I just read made me realize that life is better lived if one considers death as something that comes unwarrantably.

Death distinguisheth not the kings from the subject, the wealthy man from the pauper, the old man from the youth, the wise man from the fool. Death maketh equals of all men. The size of the palace, the speed of the chariot, the title of thy breastplate and the gold thy possesseth matter nary a bit. Death surely conquereth thee when thy hour is nigh. It is thy truthfulness to thine conscience and loyalty to thy God that shall save thee from the wrath of eternal fire.

Death is indeed indispensable. It comes like a thief in the night. Or even at daybreak that even the most powerful has no authority to command death to depart from him. And if I shall meet my Creator, these are the people I might meet or say want to meet:

1. my Father

This time, I won't be afraid to disclose my anger with him. Afterwhich, I would tell him how much I love him and longed for his presence in my growing up years. If given the chance to choose a father, I would still choose him. Why? Because the blood, the genes, every little fiber that traverses into my system that made me ME comes from him. He who has left me wounded but remained the father whom the Father had bestowed to bring me to life. Therefore, we are both blessed to be the father and daughter that God planned us to be. The pain and suffering that he has caused the child in me to grow immaturely and carry the burden as head of the family was destined to be for without these, I won't be as strong as I am now. Decisive. Principled. These are the lessons he has taught me.

2. my Mother

God made a woman soft as a rose's petals, shed tears to wash away the pain and a tender touch that can encourage even the most coward of all beings. This woman became my mother. She has the gentleness of a shepherdess, the calmness of the breeze but the firmness of an authority to respect. That of which, guided as to grow in full bloom in the absence of a father. The merit of bringing in harmony the hatred that filled our hearts to something of worth is my Mother. And I owe her this life of warmth and compassion behind a facade of firmness.

3. someone I don't expect to see

Whoever this person is might have been someone who has taught me something. And that something is what I am looking forward to of knowing when that time comes.

4. Carl Rogers (just a product of my imagination)

This renowned psychologist might tell me that he has taught me how to be more affective in my approach as a Counselor and Educator – to talk more with the heart than by always trying to rationalize things (Peace Mr. Ellis, I'm not referring primarily with your REBT stuff!). Mr. Rogers had made me realize that feelings are exclusive to every person. And that, a counselor should see beyond what is visible – from the nature of a client's stare, to his fidgeting fingers, to her breathing, and her feigned smile, to his eye movement, with the droop of her shoulder, or in the animation in his voice and the stature of his or her very own words. Know thyself. Person-centered -- not only the person of the client, but my own personhood as a counselor-educator. As the cliche goes: You cannot give what you do not have! So the "I" in my encounters is the most powerful tool to make or break a client. Self-actualization. Thanks for the powerful words.

5. a former reader of this blogsite (just another sinister hallucination… don't feel creepy, eh!)

This someone has encouraged me to write even the most stupid of my ideas. I may just have an average of two readers a day eversince I started this site but these patient souls who so everyday make it there habit to read a line or two inspire me to make use of these words called Byblos originally created by the Egyptians that of which the Greeks of long ago has modified adding five more letters (the vowels) to the bunch of letter symbols which they baptized as the alphabet. A name now used to define the new form of writing which I over-use (I hope not abuse and misuse) to elucidate the core of my existence -- that of which I am created for. Thanks to you who has taught me the virtue of just being ME.

How about you guys, who do you think will your five people be? Let me know so we can write them in this blank canvass others call BLOG but I name LIFE…

The Five People You Meet in Heaven

2008-07-17T22:14:00.005+12:00

"All endings are also beginnings. We just don't know it at the time…"

From the author of the phenomenal number one bestseller Tuesdays with Morrie, comes this enchanting, beautifully written novel that explores a mystery only heaven can unfold.

Eddie is a grizzled war veteran who feels trapped in the toil of his father before him, fixing rides at the seaside amusement park. As the park has changed over the years – from the Loop-the-Loop to the Pipeline Plunge – so, too, has Eddie changed, from the optimistic youth to the embittered old age. The war left him wounded. His days tumbled into one another, a mix of loneliness, regret and sad dreams of what could have been.

Then, on his eighty-third birthday, Eddie dies in a tragic accident, trying to save a little girl from a falling cart. With his final breath, he feels two small hands in his – and then nothing. He awakens in the afterlife, where he learns that heaven is not a lush Garden of Eden, but a place where your earthly life is explained to you by five people who were in it. These people may have been loved ones or distant strangers. Yet each of them changed their path forever.

As the story builds to its stunning conclusion, Eddie desperately seeks redemption in the still unknown last act of his life: Was it a heroic success or a devastating failure? The answer, which comes from the most unlikely of sources, is as magical and inspirational as a glimpse of heaven itself.

In The Five People You Meet in Heaven, Mitch Albom gives us an astoundingly original story that will change everything we have ever thought of about afterlife – and the meaning of our lives here on earth.

(taken from the book)

Last March, I was looking for an inspirational book where I can lift a passage or two to be my springboard for my pep talk. I ran my fingers through the Mihalic collection in the library and browsed through their pages. I copied a line and related it to my topic which is ending up the school year with a bang! And welcoming the summer with God still the center. Ain't that cool stuff? I really am a product of a Catholic school from pre-elementary to college and now working as a counselor in a school ran by ICM sisters.

In the process though, I opened up my concern to our principal and she so generously handed me a pile of books (as in a real pile because it took me two days to just look into the gist of each book). From there, I borrowed Tuesdays with Morrie not for my talk but for the summer (2007, so this makes a delayed entry) but I only found time reading it just almost a month ago. Falling in love with Mitch, I walked myself to the library and asked if they have other books written by him. And so our librarian handed me The Five People You Meet in Heaven which a read at once though I was still finishing the last two chapters of Morrie.

The book didn't fail me. just a few leaves away from the cover page, I was already crying. And mind you, I was in the bus when my tears kept on welling from my eyes and I told myself, "To hell with the rest of the passengers!", who were unabashedly staring at me like I'm some kind of an alien from an unknown pit of corny lunatics.

And to blow your bubble (of those who haven't read the book yet), here are the five people Eddie met in heaven and the lessons each of them has imparted to Eddie, of course unknowingly to him. Aren't we all like that? We usually lack the wisdom to read between the events happening to us and question why these things happen to us – blaming the Lord and other people for our own glamorous mistakes. I am guilty I must admit of this mortal felony.

The Blue Man who worked with young Eddie's father in the amusement park was his first person. Eddie didn't know him personally, but Eddie caused his death. How? I will leave it to your own reading for some thrill if you plan to read the book.

Lesson:

That there are no random acts. That we are all connected. That you can no more separate one life from another than you can separate a breeze from the wind.

The second person Eddie meets in heaven is the Captain of the troop he belonged to when he was a soldier and fought during the World War II in the Philippines (this is one thing I liked in the book, our country played a very important role in the main character's life – not simply important, but it caused the entire twist in Eddie's life).

Lesson:

Sacrifice is a part of life. It's supposed to be. It's something to aspire to. Little sacrifices. Big sacrifices… Sometimes when you sacrifice something precious, you're not really losing it. You're just passing it on to someone else.

Eddie's third person is Ruby whose name is written on the wrecked arc at the entrance of the pier leading to the amusement park where Eddie works. She was the woman of whom the original owner – her husband – offered the park as sign of his undying love. Eddie doesn't know her. His only recollection of her is an old worn-out picture of her stacked with other grease-covered stuff in the pier's store room.

Lesson:

All parents damage their children. It cannot be helped. Youth, like pristine glass, absorbs the prints of its handlers. Some parents smudge, others crack, a few shatter childhoods completely into jagged little pieces beyond repair…

Holding anger is a poison. It eats you from inside. We think that hating is a weapon that attacks the person who harmed us. But hatred is a curved blade. And the harm we do, we do to ourselves. Forgive.

Why did she say this? My stand though remains the same, get a copy of the book so you get to experience the same intense feelings as I did. I might ruin the track if I make a recount of the story.

Marguerite is Eddie's fourth person – his wife. She died young, forty-seven. She died because of some drunken irresponsible kids. But Eddie thought then that he caused her death. So his life crumbled into a meaningless monochromatic hubbub.

Lesson:

Lost love is still love. It takes a different form, that's all. You can't see their smile or bring them food or tousle their hair or move them around a dance floor. But when those senses weaken, another heightens. Memory. Memory becomes your partner. You nurture it. You hold it. You dance with it.

Life has to end. Love doesn't.

And the fifth person Eddie got to meet in heaven is Tala – the small shadow inside the nipa hut Eddie set on fire after he and his comrades escaped from their captors. When he saw her outline beyond the dancing flames, he ran through the fire and wanted to save whoever was there, but the Captain feared for his life, so he stopped him by shooting his leg (Gosh! I really can't help it... at least to your advantage, I have related a bit of the Captain's significance in Eddie's life so you have to read on).

Lesson:

Children. You keep them safe. You make good for me.

Is where you're supposed to be.

Intrigued with the last of Eddie's five lessons? Again, as I have said, you need to read the book. I bet, you'll have the same realization as Eddie did and I did.

How about you, who do you think would your five people be? And what lessons in life do you think they carry along with them?

Mine… I will have to make another entry. This is already quite a long one.

"Heaven is when you get to make sense of your yesteryears."

Sidney Sheldon Timeline: A Tribute to One of My Favorite Authors

2008-07-12T02:33:00.015+12:00

1917 Sidney Sheldon is born in Chicago, Illinois.

1937 Sheldon arrives in Hollywood where he finds work at Universal Studios as a script reader for $17.00 a week. With collaborator, Ben Roberts, he also writes a number of "B" movies.

1941 Sheldon joins the Air Force serving in World War II as a pilot.

1942 Sheldon has three musical hits simultaneously playing on Broadway - the revised "Merry Widow," "Jackpot" and "Dream with Music". Mid-'40's Sheldon returns to Hollywood where he begins a long career as a successful screenwriter with MGM and Paramount Studios.

1948 Sheldon wins an Academy Award for Best Original Screenplay for "The Bachelor and the Bobby Soxer" starring Cary Grant and Myrna Loy. The film also wins the 1947 Box Office Blue Ribbon Award for its screenplay.

Sheldon is awarded the Screen Writers Guild Award for Best Musical for "Easter Parade," starring Judy Garland and Fred Astaire. He receives the Box Office Blue Ribbon Award for its screenplay, as well.

1951 Sheldon receives the Screen Writers Guild Award for Best Musical for "Annie Get Your Gun," starring Betty Hutton and Howard Keel.

1959 Returning briefly to Broadway, Sheldon wins a Tony Award as co-author of the musical, "Redhead," starring Gwen Verdon.

1963 Sheldon begins a new facet in his writing career with the creation of the "Patty Duke" television show. He writes an unprecedented 78 scripts in three years for the series.

1964 Sheldon creates, produces and writes "I Dream of Jeannie" in his co-production capacity with Screen Gems. He writes all but two dozen scripts in five years, using three pseudonyms, while simultaneously writing scripts for "The Patty Duke Show."

1967 Sheldon receives an Emmy nomination for Outstanding Writing Achievement in Comedy for the hit series "I Dream of Jeannie."

1969 Sheldon's first novel, The Naked Face, is published and wins an Edgar Allan Poe Award from the Mystery Writers of America. -- "I lost my original copy, but my brother, with his support to my fetish has provided me with another copy."

1974 Sheldon's second book, The Other Side of Midnight, hits the New York Times bestseller list, going on to hold the paper's then record of 52 weeks on the charts.

1975 Sheldon's A Stranger in the Mirror is published and becomes a bestseller in both hard and soft cover. -- "I sometimes feel this - staring flat at the mirror, wondering who my reflection is."

1977 Sheldon's fourth novel, Bloodline becomes a #1 bestseller.

1980 Rage of Angels is published and goes to #1 on the bestseller lists the week before its official publication date, staying at the top for 18 weeks and on the lists for 42 weeks. -- "One of my all time favorites!"

1982 Sheldon's sixth novel, Master of the Game, debuts at #1 on the New York Times bestseller list and stays there for 11 weeks. -- "Talk about being special..."

1983 "Sidney Sheldon Day" is celebrated by Mayoral proclamation in his hometown of Chicago.

1986 Another Sheldon #1 bestseller, If Tomorrow Comes, is published. -- "I ask this question, too... what if it comes? Am I ready for the challenge?"

1987 Advance orders for Sheldon's eighth novel, Windmills of the Gods, are the heaviest in publisher, William Morrow's history. The novel debuts at #1 two days before its official release date. -- "When will the windmills stop?"

1988 Sheldon's novel, The Sands of Time, debuts on the New York Times bestseller list before its official release date. Advance orders exceed one million copies. -- "Another favorite. The first ever book that made me cry a river."

Sheldon receives a Star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

1990 Sheldon's tenth novel, Memories of Midnight, a sequel to his first blockbuster hit, has a record first printing for publisher, William Morrow of 1.1 million copies.

1991 Sheldon's international bestseller, The Doomsday Conspiracy, is published. -- "I almost believed in aliens. Well, I still have some thoughts of it, though."

1992 The Stars Shine Down is published and sets record breaking sales for the author. -- "Will it still shine over me if it did?"

1993 Sheldon receives the prestigious Prix Literature 1993 at the Deauville Film Festival.

1994 Sidney Sheldon publishes his thirteenth novel, Nothing Lasts Forever, a dazzling novel that sweeps readers into the frenetic world of a big San Francisco hospital. Sheldon is named National Spokesman for Libraries For The Future. -- "Indeed it is. Happiness. Sadness. Failures. Successes. Everything. The only permanent thing on earth is change. And so our life cycle goes."

1995 Sheldon is honored by libraries across the country, the American Library Association and The Los Angeles Public Library, with their Honorable Citizen Award. Sidney Sheldon's fourteenth novel, Morning, Noon & Night is published. -- "Another worth a thousand reads."

1997 Sheldon is honored by The Guinness Book of World Records as the Most Translated Author in the World. The Best Laid Plans is published with an initial printing of one million copies. Best Laid Plans hits New York Times Bestseller list

1998 Tell Me Your Dreams is published and hits the New York Times Bestseller list. -- "This made me feel more like a real psychotherapist. One of my dreams in the making. Not much Freudian. I better like Adler and Rogers and Piaget and Ellis and Erikson."

1999 Sidney Sheldon honored with "Great Authors of the Twentieth Century" Stamp and it is declared Sidney Sheldon Day by Mayor of Beverly Hills

2000 The Sky is Falling published. -- "A real good novel."

2004 Are You Afraid of the Dark? published. -- "Sometimes I am. But this is where I feel God's presence the most."

2005 Sidney Sheldon's memoir, The Other Side of Me, is published. -- "The last of his book to be published before his material departure. And I have to get a copy of this book to complete my set of Sidney Sheldon collection."

2007 Sidney Sheldon passed away on January 30, 2007. His wife, Alexandra, was by his side.

To the man, the author who has first captured my heart to read novels... I am forever grateful of the wonderful travels you gave me. My mind and my heart and my soul journeyed with each character - from Manila to the different states in the US to France to historic places in Europe and to all giant and little alleys in the world. I cried with every sorrow and took joy in every triumph of good over evil. I sighed in every love story that never was and laughed at every detail of foolishness you played with your pen. Thank you for carrying me through every end of the chapter and every closing of the tales you told. I really am.

Have a peaceful rest. Your tale I know had a real happy ending...

Timeline is courtesy of:

http://www.hachettebookgroupusa.com/features/sidneysheldon/timeline.html

Climb "The Fifth Mountain" with Me

2008-07-10T22:37:00.007+12:00

With The Fifth Mountain, Paulo Coelho turns his talent for spiritual fiction to the story of the Biblical prophet Elijah. Like a blossoming flower, Coelho opens up the brief account of Elijah's flight from Gilead and his time in Zarephath. He deepens the prophet's character by revealing the thoughts, doubts, and discoveries that Elijah must have experienced as he struggled to find his course in life amidst the confusion of war and political turmoil. When being a prophet of the God of the Israelites is like a warrant for your death, concerns about your chosen path are sure to arise. Perhaps it is this believability in Coelho's retelling that makes it so evocative, or it may be the bit of Old Testament wisdom he brings to popular literature of the 20th century: "the words of the lord are written in the world around us. Merely be attentive to what happens in your life, and you will discover where."

- A review I carelessly cut and paste from Amazon.com (please pardon me from doing so)

This is one of my favorite novels. Actually, I love all Coelho's books. And I hope, with the four lessons I learned from this novel, you can at least pick out one for you to live by. I wrote these lines from the book itself because I was afraid to re-phrase them for fear of not capturing the dramatic lessons in its full context/essence. I find them very timely with my recent decision-making hubbub. And so, read on...

They continued on their way. The boy asked why the soldiers were training so much.

"It's not just the soldiers, but your mother too, and I, and those who follow their heart. Everything in life demands training."

"Even being a prophet?"

"Even to understand angels. We so want to talk with them that we don't listen to what they're saying. It's not easy to listen: in our prayers we always try to say where we have erred, and what we should like to happen to us. But the Lord already knows all of this, and sometimes asks us only to hear what the Universe is telling us. And to be patient."

The boy looked at him in surprise. He probably understood nothing, but even so Elijah felt the need to continue the conversation. Perhaps when he came to manhood, one of these words might assist him in a difficult situation.

"All life's battles teach us something, even those we lose. When you grow up, you'll discover that you have defended lies, deceived yourself, or suffered for foolishness. If you're a good warrior, you will not blame yourself for this, but neither will you allow mistakes to repeat themselves."

A child can always teach an adult three things: to be happy for no reason, to always be busy with something, and to know how to demand with all his might that which he desires.

For in the final analysis, He had given His children the greatest of all gifts: the capacity to choose and determine their acts.

"How can a man cast from his heart the pain of a loss?" asked a woman.

"No. But he can find joy in something won."

Elijah turned, pointed to the top of the Fifth Mountain, forever covered with clouds. The destruction of the walls had made it visible from the middle of the square.

"I believe in One God, though you think that the gods dwell in those clouds on the Fifth Mountain. I don't want to argue whether my God is stronger or more powerful; I would speak not of our differences but of our similarities. Tragedy has united us in a single sentiment: despair. Why has that come to pass? Because we thought that everything was answered and decided in our souls, and we could accept no changes."

"Both you and I belong to trading nations, but we also know how to act as warriors," he continued. "And a warrior is always aware of what is worth fighting for. He does not go into combat over things that do not concern him, and he never wastes his time over provocations."

"A warrior accepts defeat. He does not treat it a s a matter of indifference, nor does he attempt to transform it into a victory. The pain of defeat is bitter to him; he suffers at indifference and becomes desperate with loneliness. After all this has passed, he licks his wounds and begins everything anew. A warrior knows that war is made of many battles; he goes on."

"Tragedies do happen. We can discover the reason, blame others, imagine how different our lives would be had they not occurred. But none of that is important; they did occur, and so be it. From there onward, we must put aside the fear that they awoke in us and begin to rebuild."

I think, the lines spilled them all. I need not say a word...

The Little Prince, Life Space and Book Review

2008-07-08T22:48:00.007+12:00

"One sees clearly only with the heart. Anything essential is invisible to the eyes."

Familiar with the lines?

I'll keep you guessing if you're not. So just read on…

LIFE SPACE.

I have heard a lot of this term in my four years in Psychology. It didn't stop there. The more I encountered these two meaningful words when I went to graduate college. And more of it, I use in my analyses during my counseling sessions. Though I must say, with all honesty, I'm not an expert in uncovering such. Just a little bit!

But what do these two short words mean?

First, let us define life.

Life means, according to my Microsoft Encarta is existence in the physical world. It also refers to the whole duration of one's being able to breath, take in food, adapt to the environment, grow and reproduce. It may also refer to the period during which something continues to function. And it denotes a way of living characteristic of a particular group or individual.

Secondly, let's take a closer look at the meaning of space.

Space refers to the region that lies beyond the Earth's atmosphere, and all that it contains. Thus, it also implies the region, usually of negligible density, between all celestial bodies in the universe. In addition, it can also mean the unbounded three-dimensional expanse in which all matter exists.

Putting both meaning to a more psychological perspective in defining life space, it is the bounded (Not unbounded, you have to take not of that. Because a person's life is ruled by rights where one's rights end as another's rights begin.) expanse in which a person or an individual functions, such that, all his/her personal experiences (exclusively his/hers) and other unique or distinctive characteristics absolute in him/her with all their dynamic make-up influences, controls, motivates and shapes his/her behavior, activities, thoughts, beliefs, philosophies, points of view, feelings, and all other endowment of being human.

Correct me if I am wrong because the meaning I just shared with you came from my own understanding as I get it and as I use it in my everyday practice. Anyway, this is an interactive blog. You can throw shots at me if you wish to. Just be gentle, all right!? I'm quite sensitive you, know. Argh!

But how is this in any way connected in my book review?

Have you read or heard about The Little Prince by Antoine De Saint-Exupery?

Well, this is all about it. I first saw the book from high school but didn't pay attention to even just skim read it. When I was in college, Vanessa, a close friend, mentioned it to me. Saying it is a wonderful book. She was talking about the stars (Well, I presumed she talks about it because she has a fetish on stars. I didn't know it is in any way linked to her Little Prince.) and give remarks on "what-is-essential-is-invisible-to-the-eye" stuff. "Hell, well!", I said, "Whatever!"

I came across it the next time when I watched with my family a Filipino movie where Angel Locsin received an old book from her secret admirer, that is, Richard Guttierez, entitled The Little Prince. Since then, I told myself, "What in the world is with The Little Prince that sensible people like Vanessa and Richard (the actor in his character, well, I don't know in person…) likes the book? What's in the book?" so I thought, I have to have a copy of the book. So after three years of watching the movie, thirteen years away from college, and seventeen years from high school (don't compute my age)… that soon, (Hehehehe!) that I got the chance to have a copy of the book.

Okay, enough for the recollection… let's get to business.

The Little Prince. Life space. "One sees clearly only with the heart. Anything essential is invisible to the eyes."

First scene: The writer, when he was six, has drawn a boa constrictor which ate a whole elephant. The grown-ups around him laughed at his drawing, saying it wasn't a snake, but a hat. He stopped drawing since then.

Lesson: The simplicity of a child sometimes speaks more of than what adults can. In other words, don't show your drawings to dumb grown-ups!

Second scene: The Little Prince was talking about baobabs, a kind of tree that grows too big for his planet that it can explode his planet into pieces if it is not uprooted upon its recognition that it is a baobab.

Lesson: Any bad habit starts as an exciting little adventure, that when you get to like it, it fits deep into your system like strong roots and it becomes difficult for you to unlearn it. In short, stop experimenting, there is a term called vicarious learning.

Third scene: A little planet occupied by a seemingly monarch who thinks he rules the stars and everything that inhabits his planet, where there is none that he knows of.

Lesson: Grown-ups are sometimes like that, they feel as if they have already mastered everything that they can manipulate everything, including other people. They have forgotten that authority is based first of all upon reason – reason that is morality-based, acceptable in other words, and seeks the good for not just one but for the majority, including both living and non-living things. Just a warning – "These people are dangerous!"

Fourth scene: The Little Prince moved in to the second planet which is inhabited by a very vain man who assumes every other creature is his admirer when the only creature in his planet is himself.

Lesson: Sometimes, I mean, more often that sometimes, man becomes too proud of himself that he forgets the terms "consideration" and "respect". My message, "Get real!"

Fifth scene: The third planet is inhabited by a drunkard who drinks because he feels depressed and ashamed of himself because he drinks too much.

Lesson: Man becomes so filthy. Their smuttiness more often than not is because of their own wrong doing. Simply put it, "Grown-ups are really very, very strange."

Sixth scene: The fourth planet belonged to a businessman who assumes he owns the stars because he thought of owning them first and he can put them in a bank by counting how many stars are there, writing the number in a piece of paper and keeping the paper in his drawer.

Lesson: Argh! A waste of time. Wasted life. Adults usually invest much of their effort doing not so sensible things. And they assume they do it because they are serious people. Oh come on!

Seventh scene: The fifth planet was rather extra small with a lamp and a lamplighter which is too absurd to be there because the sun shines and sets every minute, there is no need for an artificial light.

Lesson: People become so preoccupied with something they don't need. They just wake up one day, there life is almost over, but they haven't done a single act with meaning in their life. In short, "Damn!"

Eighth scene: The sixth planet was ten times bigger than the last. And there lived a geographer who holds a big book and claims that what he does is very important to humanity. But alas! He doesn't even know whether a single ocean or mountain exists in his own planet. He says, such is the work of an explorer. When asked if he too has a record of flowers, he retorted there was none because flowers are ephemeral.

Lesson: People sometimes act as this geographer. We claim we know everything. We even try to challenge the one who created us. But in the end, we can't even prove our own existence, not even the substance of our being present.

Ninth scene: At last, the Little Prince has reached Earth. But regrettably, the first creature he met was a snake. (And by God, we all know what snakes represent here on Earth!) And thus went the conversation:

Little Prince: Good evening.
Snake: Good evening.
Little Prince: What planet have I landed on?
Snake: Earth. In Africa.
Little Prince: And are there no people on Earth?
Snake: It's the desert here. There are no people in the desert. Earth is very big.
Little Prince: It's a little lonely in the desert.
Snake: It's also lonely with people.
Little Prince: You're a funny creature, no thicker than a finger.
Snake: But I'm more powerful than a king's finger.
Little Prince: You're not very powerful. You couldn't travel very far.
Snake: I can take you further than a ship. Anyone I touch, I send back to the land from which he came. But you're innocent, and you come from a star… I feel sorry for you, being so weak in this granite Earth, I can help you, someday, if you grow too homesick for your planet. I can –
Little Prince: Oh, I understand just what you mean, but why do you always speak in riddles?
Snake: I solve them all.

Lesson: Snakes are all around the planet Earth. Beware! They may fit in the shoe of wisdom or lure you with their beauty or may even entice you with exquisite colors, but as I have said, snakes will always be snakes. Keep off the bait!

Tenth scene: The Little Prince came across a blossoming rose garden where he realized her rose was not the only rose in the entire universe as what his rose claims she is. And he said to himself, "she would be very annoyed if she saw this… She would cough terribly and pretend to be dying, to avoid being laughed at. And I'd have to pretend to be nursing her; otherwise, she'd really let herself die in order to humiliate me."

Lesson: Don't be arrogant. Don't be conceited. Don't be egotistic. Don't be haughty. In short… be humble! Did I just enumerate synonymous words? Duh!

Eleventh scene: And now here comes the fox from whom the Little Prince learned that One sees clearly with the heart. Anything essential is invisible to the eyes.

Lesson: Argh! Don't be stupid! I know that you know what that means.

Twelfth scene: (I'm excited, we're almost there…) And so the Little Prince met with our author, and again, like the snake, back into the desert. "What happened there?", you may ask in equal anticipation, but let me lay this straight… blah… blah… blah… Ooooppssss! What happened? My words spill no more!

Lesson: Don't rely much on strangers. Get a copy of the book! As for that discussion on life space... well, I kinda like to hear from you before I get the dice rolling.

CABAnata 17: Pondering on the First Friday Mass Sermon

2008-07-04T22:43:00.010+12:00

"Mass tomorrow?"

"Can I not just stay in my office to do all the checking of this pile of IQ tests?"

"The kids want to know their scores ASAP. They're around the office every hour from last Thursday when the test was given to them and they're driving me nuts!"

Once again, I mumbled a few more lines. Hoping my wish will be granted.

The following day -- which is today. I arrived late in school. 5 minutes late. My 2nd time of being late this week.

"Aaarghhh!"

"Beating the deadline and yet I am always late."

"Hell! They can't blame me. I am supposed to go home at 4:30 pm but I work my butt out until 6:00 pm."

"I am supposed to be reviewing for the board exam for Counselors this August and finishing my thesis but I bring home a bunch of paperworks for the school's accreditation."

"Duh! I am supposed to be out of here but I chose not to."

All these ran through my mind in a second.

"So you think that gave you all the right to be late and not attend the first Friday mass?" whispered the better side of me.

"Geeeezzzz!"

I was flapping through my ears to drive away the little voices making a good argument in defense of my almost splitting personality, when a student bumped through me...

"Ooooppsss, sorry!"

"That was it? That was all you can say? I am in a hurry with all my worries and sorry is all you can say?"

I thought I was shouting, but I was just staring blank at the kid. Then I gathered myself.

I head on...

"C'mon, Fr. Pati is saying the mass."

Upon hearing the priest's name, I just dumped my bag inside my drawer, combed my hair a bit, checked on my gloss, got my fan and went with the flow of people to the school's covered court where mass is celebrated.

And so the sermon goes...

It was like being transported to that event when I was deciding for my future -- my family's future.

Fr. Pati concluded, "...so to you elected leaders, not just be leaders, be servant leaders and responsible stewards of creation. To the administrators, the teachers, the non-teaching personnel and you dear students, as you re-affirm your commitment of being co-creators of God, let your heart be where the greater need you most."

"Like the little prince taming the fox, anything you tame, is your responsibility. Anything that grows familiar to you is your responsibility..." his words echoing -- travelling through my ear's canal to the message center of my brain, striking the chambers of my heart.

I did not stay for money. I did not stay for comfort. I did not stay for fear of the unknown. I decided to stay because this is where my heart is -- the place where I know the greater need me most.

I decided to stay because I have tamed the world of guidance and counseling to work best for my benefit and the people I work with and the children I work for.

I decided to stay because I have grown familiar with the colorful, yet mysterious world of children with special needs.

Yes, I stayed because one girl was crying in my cubicle last week. She said her mother have grown further away from her.

I stayed because another teenager fell in love and she is so confused with how she feels. Will she give in or not?

I stayed, yet for another girl who sobbed over her sentiments -- telling me her parents don't notice her efforts in dancing and just wanted to sleep and never to wake up.

I stayed because a young man needs me this year to listen to him while his soul is dying -- his very own parents as the criminal.

I decided to stay for a sixteen year old child with autism, who with all the wealth in the world needs an eye to watch over him when he sleeps.

I decided to stay for a nine year old girl who doesn't care how she looks like and reads the alphabet backwards.

I decided to stay for an eight year old boy with ADHD who feels so frustrated he wants to cut his fingers that they stop fidgeting altogether.

I committed myself to stay because I have tamed them. They have grown familiar with my voice, my touch, my scent and even with that little strictness in my aura.

I have accepted the challenge.

I have accepted them.

THEY ARE MY RESPONSIBILITY!

“Nothing you do for children is ever wasted. They seem not to notice us, covering, averting our eyes, and they seldom offer thanks. But what we do for them is never wasted.”

Garrison, Keillor, 2000

This was my opening phrase in my acknowledgement page in my thesis... and so I live with it.

First Friday Mass Sermon: The Little Prince and The Fox

2008-07-04T22:23:00.008+12:00

It was then that the fox appeared.

"Good morning" said the fox.

"Good morning" the little prince responded politely, although when he turned around he saw nothing.

"I am right here" the voice said, "under the apple tree."

"Who are you?" asked the little prince, and added, "You are very pretty to look at."

"I am a fox," the fox said.

"Come and play with me," proposed the little prince, "I am so unhappy."

"I cannot play with you," the fox said, "I am not tamed."

"Ah please excuse me," said the little prince. But after some thought, he added: "What does that mean--'tame'?"

"You do not live here," said the fox.

"What is it you are looking for?"

"I am looking for men," said the little prince.

"What does that mean--tame?"

"Men," said the fox, "they have guns, and they hunt. It is very disturbing. They also raise chickens. These are their only interests. Are you looking for chickens?"

"No," said the little prince. "I am looking for friends. What does that mean--tame?"

"It is an act too often neglected," said the fox. "It means to establish ties."

"To establish ties?"

"Just that," said the fox. "To me, you are still nothing more than a little boy who is just like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need of you. And you, on your part, have no need of me. To you I am nothing more than a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world . . ."

"I am beginning to understand," said the little prince. "There is a flower . . . I think she has tamed me . . . "

"It is possible," said the fox. "On earth one sees all sorts of things."

"Oh, but this is not on the earth!" said the little prince.

The fox seemed perplexed, and very curious. "On another planet?"

"Yes."

"Are there hunters on that planet?"

"No."

"Ah, that is interesting! Are there chickens?"

"No."

"Nothing is perfect," sighed the fox. But he came back to his idea. "My life is very monotonous," he said. "I hunt chickens; men hunt me. All chickens are just alike, and all the men are just alike. And in consequence, I am a little bored. But if you tame me, it will be as if the sun came to shine on my life. I shall know the sound of a step that will be different from all the others. Other steps send me hurrying back underneath the ground. Yours will call me, like music out of my burrow. And then look: you see the grain-fields down yonder? I do not eat bread. Wheat is of no use to me. The wheat fields have nothing to say to me. And that is sad. But you have hair that is the color of gold. Think how wonderful that will be when you have tamed me! The grain, which is also golden, will bring me back the thought of you. And I shall love to listen to the wind in the wheat . . . "

The fox gazed at the little prince, for a long time. "Please--tame me!" he said.

"I want to, very much," the little prince replied. "But I have not much time. I have friends to discover, and a great many things to understand."

"One only understands the things that one tames," said the fox. "Men have no more time to understand anything. They buy things all ready made at the shops. But there is no shop anywhere where one can buy friendship, and so men have no friends any more. If you want a friend, tame me . . . "

"What must I do, to tame you?” asked the little prince.

"You must be very patient," replied the fox. First you will sit down at a little distance from me--like that--in the grass. I shall look at you out of the corner of my eye, and you will say nothing. Words are the source of misunderstandings. But you will sit a little closer to me, every day . . . "
The next day the little prince came back.

"It would have been better to come back at the same hour," said the fox. "If for example, you came at four o'clock in the afternoon, then at three o'clock I shall begin to be happy. I shall feel happier and happier as the hour advances. At four o'clock, I shall be worrying and jumping about. I shall show you how happy I am! But if you come at just any time, I shall never know at what hour my heart is ready to greet you . . . One must observe the proper rites . . . "

"What is a rite?" asked the little prince.

"Those also are actions too often neglected," said the fox. "They are what make one day different from other days, one hour different from other hours. There is a rite, for example, among my hunters. Every Thursday they dance with the village girls. So Thursday is a wonderful day for me! I can take a walk as far as the vineyards. But if the hunters danced at just any time, every day would be like every other day, and I should never have any vacation at all."

So the little prince tamed the fox. And when the hour of his departure drew near--

"Ah," said the fox, "I shall cry."

"It is your own fault," said the little prince. "I never wished you any sort of harm; but you wanted me to tame you . . . "

"Yes, that is so," said the fox.

"But now you are going to cry!" said the little prince.

"Yes, that is so," said the fox.

"Then it has done you no good at all!"

"It has done me good," said the fox, "because of the color of the wheat fields." And then he added: "Go and look again at the roses. You will understand now that yours is unique in all the world. Then come back to say goodbye to me, and I will make you a present of a secret."

The little prince went away, to look again at the roses.

"You are not at all like my rose," he said. "As yet you are nothing. No one has tamed you, and you have tamed no one. You are like my fox when I first knew him. He was only a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But I have made a friend, and now he is unique in all the world."
And the roses were very much embarrassed.

"You are beautiful, but you are empty," he went on. "One could not die for you. To be sure, an ordinary passerby would think that my rose looked just like you--the rose that belongs to me. But in herself alone she is more important than all the hundreds of you other roses: because it is she that I have watered; because it is she that I have put under the glass globe; because it is for her that I have killed the caterpillars (except the two or three we saved to become butterflies); because it is she that I have listened to, when she grumbled, or boasted, or even sometimes when she said nothing. Because she is my rose."

And he went back to meet the fox. "Goodbye," he said. "Goodbye," said the fox. "And now here is my secret, a very simple secret: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."

"What is essential is invisible to the eye," the little prince repeated, so that he would be sure to remember.

"It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important.

"It is the time I have wasted for my rose---" said the little prince so he would be sure to remember.

"Men have forgotten this truth," said the fox. "But you must not forget it. You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed. You are responsible for your rose . . . "

"I am responsible for my rose," the little prince repeated, so that he would be sure to remember.

My Blessing for a Lifetime

2008-06-16T02:13:00.014+12:00

I got married in July 28, 2001 with my beloved Ronald. Some questioned my decision, my family included, but stubborn and firm that I am, the marriage came through. Who cares anyway? This is my life. My happiness. And who would dare judge the purity of intentions and depth of love my dearest hubby has for me? He is that one person who understands me with all my insecurities and feigned pride. A realization I had after making our life as a couple miserable because of my selfishness and insensitivity and impatience and smugness and all that blackened tinge of who I am. I almost blew that love made in Heaven to bits and bits of teardrops and pain.

There was a major episode in our love story that changed all my perspectives in life. I was impulsive. Stubborn. I was sensitive for my feelings but unfeeling of Ronald's emotions. I only listened to myself. I was proud but remained envious of what others have that I don't. Especially so when after almost a year, we were still not blessed with a child despite and in spite of all the prayers, I almost begged for a child. I was almost cursing the Lord for not granting us the child we want when there are a number of women out there aborting that little life throbbing inside their wombs. I question Him, "Why not give that baby to me?" See… I was nothing compared to who I project I am. I was no good to anyone, especially to my husband. I am a nobody, I thought. A hollow woman who loved no one but myself. My happiness was my only goal in life, if there really was. The more I shammed my happiness, the more it grew further away from me – because I was never worthy of it. I never knew how is it to fully love – funny! But I have always claimed I did know how to love. I got hurt. Was it love? Perhaps it was sheer wounded pride. A bruised ego.

All these recognition of the mistakes I have done was because of Ronald. He has showed the real me; yet remained beside me and loved me for what I am and who I am and I am not. He placed a mirror in front of me that I may see the "fork-and-tail" image of myself – not to put me down or destroy me like other people have been doing or might have done in any way as far as I can remember, but to rebuild me into a new and better person I thought I was never capable of becoming.

Then there was I… challenged by the love Ronald offered me. I am determined. I don't say I am now perfect. But I am trying. I don't say I have completely eradicated the "bad" me, but I'm struggling. I don't say our life as a couple is a bed of roses. Because roses have thorns. I am not alone though when I am hurt or when I feel down or insecured. I have now found someone who constantly inspires me to be who I really am and give meaning to my every stride.

I did not finish my Master's degree all by myself. The more that I did not win as Best Thesis alone. The idea of my title puffed in my mind somewhere because I experienced myself the interplay of those same variables and molded me to be who I am with Ronald making those facts available in my information bank. My data was completed because Ronald carefully filled in every cell in my blank table. I could have not patiently beat the deadline in those tormenting nights without him by my side, with a glass of hot milk or coffee to keep me up and the sumptuous meals he has prepared to nourish my decaying brain that every once in a while stop in momentary stupor.

I should have not pushed through with yet another Master's degree in Special Education if not for his encouragement and earned those units in Education. He was always there, giving a push. Telling me I'm good. Saying I can be the best in every endeavor I undertake. He takes good care of me and our kids the way I wished I was taken cared of by my own father.

I could have not been a proud mother of my two cute and loving little angels if it weren't for Ronald who provided the complementary gene in my own gene pool to come out with such little girls – the focus of my profoundest hormonal affection (their father included, of course).

I should have been the same bitchy me if Ronald hasn't crossed my life space. I am never the same again because of him. My life has found more meaning and reason and all the beautiful and colorful hues of amber and bright scarlet and shades of crimson and some velvety stuff this world is made of.

Complete?

I may not be… but I am almost there.

To Ronald -- my most beloved, HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!

And to all the Dad's out there -- love your wife, love your kids... after a long day's work, you'd be going nowhere but come home to them; so there's no healthier way but to paint a smile on your face and an overflowing love for your family when you make that stride in your doorstep.

First Talk: THE BIG BANG

2008-06-09T19:13:00.011+12:00

In the NO BEGINNING -- was GOD.

God's breath hovered over a vastness of darkness, silence and peace. God's heartbeat pulsated in endless acres of emptiness -- an emptiness that was pregnant with life.

In a way that we cannot fully comprehend, that seamless space of peaceful silence was God.

And in God's breath and heartbeat -- was YOU.

In the NO BEGINNING.

Eons and eons ago -- in that time which cannot be measured, the promise of life was contracted into an infinitesimally small particle, so small that would not have seen it if you were there because in fact, it was space-less and it was time-less.

The promise of life was compressed energy, hot and dense.

As in everywhere else, God was also in that tiny particle of energy with a very special intent of love.

God was about to create the universe from within, by empowering it in a way that the universe would be able to participate with God in creating itself.

And so through immeasurable years, the energy moved on to greater and greater density transforming into a fireball.

About 14 billion years ago, at the exact, right moment, the fireball exploded mightily.

The energies flew apart, billowing out in all directions with incredible heat -- trillions of degree of heat.

The dispersal of the heat-energies created space, expanding that space more and more as the particles flashed forth further and further.

With this explosion, TIME BEGAN.

And Light came forth and shone everywhere, with no shadows, because there was nothing then.

This was the original energy of the universe.

People call it by different names: the Big Bang, the Flaring Forth, the Birth.

It was just the right moment.

Scientists say that if the explosion had taken place a fraction of a second earlier or later, the universe would never have come to be.

If the explosion had taken place a fraction of a second later, it could never have coalesced into concrete beings at a later stage; a fraction of a second earlier and it would have collapsed back on itself. It was by a slim, almost zero-margin of possibility that THE UNIVERSE CAME INTO BEING.

It was not by chance; it was divinely intended by God who was that energy within.

The mysterious "inness of God" here and in all the forms and beings that would emerge from it in the billions of years.

For a million years there was nothing but light and heat energy from the Big Bang in the vastness of space. It took all these million years for it to cool down. But the light remained in the galactic skies. Vestiges of that seemingly interminable heat energy remained for billions of years later in the form of fire.

Why did it take the universe so long to heat up and to cool down in the process of its becoming?

It was her way because it was God's way, God who was within the explosion, within the blocks of heat-energy everywhere, within the cooling down at last.

And you... you, in all this, was in the heartbeat of God.

This was the first of the four talks given to us during our Recollection -- an annual celebration of all personnel in our school -- a time to recollect the blessings and struggles in our lives; a time to recollect ourselves and our faith in God before we finally say our pledge of commitment and accept the commissioning of the Holy Spirit in our ecological thrust and educational advocacy.

It is indeed a perfect timing for us to re-learn our history, for it is only in re-discovering our forgotten origins that we become more grateful of who we are and what have we become.

It is also a perfect timing to seek God in the midst of all the environmental struggles we are going through, as people, as His co-creators -- we have in some ways followed another path -- the path of damnation, destroying the only world we could live in -- the world He has given us to take care and pro-create and co-create.

Let us not wait for our world to succumb itself to death... for when this world dies, we die with it, too.

So I invite you to journey with me in this great gift of BEING ALIVE.

Bea's Artwork

2008-06-08T15:00:00.028+12:00

Two days after Bea's closing program, I noticed she was all bored with watching the same Barney, Blue's Clues and Dora cds.

That same day, a brother from my "Youth for Christ" days dropped by my office and was holding pamphlets on a summer enhancement program. And so the story began of sleepless nights that Ronald and I was deciding what program should Bea be in this summer.

We never agreed on something, until we decided to ask Bea herself.

Without blinking an eye, Bea said, "I want an arts class."

And so she did. Eighteen hours to complete and these are her work of art or should I say, where she spent her energy this summer aside from swimming -- the fruit of her labor and passion:

shading exercises

placing shadows

color combination

coloring with oil pastel

"Fruits" using colored pencil

"Clown Fish" using oil pastel on felt paper

"I am" using oil pastel

"My Day" using oil pastel and water color

"Just Me" using oil pastel

"Little Mermaid" using oil pastel in felt paper

"Day at the Beach" using oil pastel in felt paper

"Walrus" using oil pastel in felt paper

Bea's love for arts indeed was shown in how she has spent her summer just holding her kit. Her love for water manifested itself, too (aside from arts class, she was also enrolled in a swimming class in the morning) through her outputs. Most of her drawings are sea-based -- sea creatures, mermaid, ocean, seashore, the beach and all.

For Moms who might accidentally drop by my site, hope you'll learn from my experience, too. "Never decide for your children all the time!"

You might think you know what's best for them (like I always feel), but sometimes, it is also best for our children to grow and be the person that God planned them to be by making a little step farther and just let them be.

Bea's discovery of her talent might not have been possible if my being "MOM" got in the way.

Not just an ordinary nook!

2008-05-24T13:15:00.001+12:00

This is my nook.

Nah-ah! This apple macbook is my dream laptop but unfortunately, I still don't have the penny for it. So just focus the camera a little further.

Yeah, that's it!

This is my REAL nook. And for me, this is not just an ordinary nook. A lot of good and not so good things happened at this side of our humble home.

This desktop was bought in 2002, more than a year after Ronald and I got married. It's a second hand stuff from my sister-in-law's officemate who was migrating somewhere else and he badly needed the money for that matter.

We too don't have the money to buy the stuff, but my mother-in-law has. She was about to buy a La Germania but opted not to because of our gyrations. I badly needed the set because I was planning to go back to school to continue my MA in Guidance and Counseling, and that time, too, I was bringing home a pile of paperworks each night.

Thanks to Nanay, I was able to have a computer while she lost her chance for her kitchen paraphernalia.

And so my story begins with my desktop.

My dream of becoming writer started to blossom with every tick-a-tack on this keyboard. Oh well, the original keyboard was already thrown in the stockroom because of overuse. The one I am using now is brand new. (Yeah, that's all I can afford... a PhP 200.00 worth of keyboard.)

I began to write.

Again...

It started with just a few lines. A few verses, until I came to realize I have already a ream of short bond paper at my disposal.

I tried reading them again. It was amazing -- It is as if opening a book and reading someone else's autobiography. I laughed at my silliness. I cried over my heartaches. I mumbled over my failures and shouted over some triumphs I consider an achievement.

I opened our family album. I saw captions under every snapshot -- capturing every fancy detail of my new life as Mrs. Ronald Josue. Then after two years of waiting, as mother to my first-born, Anastine Beatrice.

All of these, I did with my desktop.

Then came thesis writing in 2005 summer. I spent a whole night just staring blankly at my monitor. Not being able to think of a single sentence to start with my Situation Analysis. I got frustrated. Almost banging my head on my table.

After a couple of weeks of almost no sleep, I was done with my Chapters 1 through 3. I had my proposal defense in October and started data analysis with my SPSS by December. I was done with my Chapters 4 and 5 before February ended. I was printing a whole pack of 5 copies for my OREC when my monitor went blank. Then my printer stopped too at an instant. i almost collapsed. That day, I had no sleep. I only had a couple of bread without jam for breakfast and lunch. I asked myself, "So this is all I will have after a whole night's work?"

Ronald ran through the nearest computer shop, got my monitor trouble-shooted and bought me a new printer -- the cheapest in the market -- Php 2,000.00. And the printer luckily got me a Best Thesis citation in March.

And yes, I was then pregnant with my Gabrielle Yumi -- quite a brain, eh! Handling pressure with so much grace. Now I can't blame Gaby for having such a kind of temperament. (Well, this is another story!)

While pregnant and having have to rest from June to October (delivery month), I completed a whole e-book, my CABAnata and kept my mind working while completing my IVLE with UP.

Now, I have this site and about to complete another MA -- starting to write for my thesis again and this is what happened:

I had my CPU brought back to that computer shop and its motherboard be changed including its power supply. But hey, good riddance, at least now I am working with a 4GB memory compared to my old 128MB.

What an experience, right?

So ain't gonna blame me for loving my nook so much...

I bet, I will keep this nook even when a macbook would be there waving its glossy white skin over my almost dilapidated desktop!

Sing Me Your Song Mommy

2008-05-12T04:06:00.006+12:00

Sing me your song Mommy

your version of Brahms’ lullaby

embrace me tenderly

until with the birds I fly.

Sing me your song Mommy

your rendition of “I Love You Song”

even better than that of Barney

until the angels hum along.

Sing me your song Mommy

sing the song in your heart

I want to see you smile so sweetly

like clouds, a sugar-coated tart.

Sing me your song Mommy

sing me with daffodils in your ear

I will listen to you intently

like lilies kiss the water dear.

Sing me your song Mommy

let’s dance to its every tune

and in your arms you carry me

until darkness pleases the moon.

Sing me your song Mommy

let your music tug along dreamers

and fill our senses with the scent of a daisy

until the sun breaks our slumbers.

Happy Mother's Day to all great Moms out there! -- Moms who never stop giving even when they have given more than their cups could fill...

Greetings from the Josue family!

Reposted: CABAnata, July 3, 2007

my HOME

2008-05-03T17:39:00.008+12:00

dawn breaks and dusk falls

painting the horizon with calming hues

waves touch the shore -- its final destination

so do I -- to my HOME.

Sadness

2008-04-16T21:37:00.008+12:00

“She had overcome her minor defects only to be defeated by matters of fundamental importance. She had managed to appear utterly independent when she was, in fact, desperately in need of company. When she entered a room, everyone would turn to look at her, but she almost always ended the night alone, in the convent, watching a TV that she hadn’t even bothered to have properly tuned. She gave all her friends the impression that she was a woman to be envied, and she expended most of her energy in trying to behave in accordance with the image she had created of herself.”

- Veronika Decides to Die by Paulo Coelho

Book smashed right on top of my table – a pile of paper flown all over my cubicle. I saw a woman’s silhouette in the book’s cover. I knew the book by heart. I don’t need to look at the woman who threw the book neither, almost hitting my face, and complain over her attitude because like the silhouette, she too is in tremendous confusion.

I groaned.

And looked at her. All I saw was her back, twenty feet away. I can almost hear her sobbing.

Nine years ago, we were both new in the institution. We got along well. Very well. She would spend the night in my place. My family was hers. And so was I to her family.

After three years in the graduate school, she earned her Master’s Degree while I was still struggling to finish a research proposal.

Another three years, she finished her Doctorate program with the highest academic citation. I graduated with her, too, but with my MA.

Our friendship blossomed despite her moving in to another school – this time as an administrator. Because of her compromised schedule, we seldom had the time to be together. Lesser and lesser time. Shorter and shorter conversations. At the restaurant. Over the phone.

One day, she dashed through my office.

“I filed a tentative leave from work. Lend me a dozen of your books.”

Without question, I gave her what she needed. Then she left.

That was how we were. One waits for the other to open, giving the other ample time to ventilate on her own, the way she wants to. The other would just accept. Listen later.

And that was the last time I saw her. And heard from her, before this.

I arranged the papers back into their order. The intercom rang. Outside call.

“Jo, I’m in our favorite cafeteria.” She hanged.

Her words meant one thing. She was asking me to go. Since it was summer, it was a bit easy for me to leave my piled up work. But it was easier for me to decide to go to her because I sensed she badly needed someone to talk to by the chill in her voice.

“Give me a tall Latte, please.”

The waiter served my order. The rich smooth espresso softened by frothy steamed milk relaxed my senses. I was hoping her Sumatra did the same.

“Did you re-read the lines I marked with my highlighter?”

“Yes, I did.”, was my short reply.

“Damn you! Did you intentionally give me that book?”

“No, I did not.”

“Did you think I will buy that crap?”

Silence.

“I’m entering the convent.”

Her statement was more like a declarative. So I opted to keep my silence. She wasn’t asking for my opinion anyway. I only stared blank at her.

“Damn you! Why are you giving me that kind of stare? Aren’t you saying anything? Tell me I’m stupid! Tell me I’m crazy!”

“Why should I? You know better than I. you have decided. Am I in the position to disagree with your decisions?”

“No.”

“I mean… wouldn’t you ask why.”

“Why?”

“I’m not happy.”

“Would your entering the congregation make you happy?”

“Well at least I’m making something out of my stupid life.”

“Why the lines from the book?”

“They speak so much of the kind of life I lived.”

Silence. (Well, counselors like me always use silence at our advantage.)

“I graduated as class valedictorian. I finished college as magna cum laude. I earned highest academic citations in graduate college. At thirty, I am an academic administrator. I learned to play the piano. Played the violin well. I’m a black-belter. I’m a chess master. I don’t have a husband. No kids to cuddle. All I have are the degrees I earned. Certificates lined all over my wall. No pictures of me smiling or my family or my kids running about. I am alone in my three-storey house. I drive my car myself. My phone rings and it is my superior calling for a meeting. Some papers to be signed. Beating the deadline. Nobody’s telling me to take care. Eat my meals on time. or asking me what time I’ll be home. I wear my clothes, always with appropriate code. Put on my accessories. Not to please the eyes of a man but to look respectable in the eyes of my colleagues. I go to bed at night. Close my eyes. And that’s it.”

Silence.

The rest of our conversation I will keep.

While writing this, she’s sleeping at the other room with my daughter. Tomorrow, I shall take her to the bus terminal – board the bus that will bring her to her destination – for the meantime, that is. While sadness still embraces her soul.

Indeed, many of us are like Maya, wearing our grandest mask by day, sleeping over our tears at night. Tears that seem to end our story. We complain. We ask ourselves whether our decisions had lead us to what and where we really would like to be. And we end up unhappy. Not contented. To some, they find their lives miserable. Useless. No direction. They stagnate. Until one day, they would wake up all torn. No other place to go.

Sometime in my life, I am Maya. So much “what ifs”. At times I am lured to do the inappropriate to give myself a chance for happiness. But most of the time, I just do what norms dictate. If happiness means not hurting other people, following by word the rules of the land, accomplishing assigned tasks on time, then I think I am happy.

But if happiness means doing what you want to do with your life, being true to yourself, getting to your dreams with lesser effort, screaming if you feel like it, then I have to get back to myself once again and start re-writing my life to be really truly happy.

Waterlily

2008-04-16T21:10:00.012+12:00

floating, freedom to be
loving the water that cleanses what is physical
purifying it in return
symbiosis
the science of co-existing
and the essence of living

More of Life's Simple Pleasures @ Life in Stanzas

Spirulina: Nature's Gift

2008-04-10T21:27:00.014+12:00

Spirulina is a blue-green algae. It is a simple, one-celled form of algae that thrives in warm, alkaline fresh-water bodies. The name "spirulina" is derived from the Latin word for "helix" or "spiral"; denoting the physical configuration of the organism when it forms swirling, microscopic strands.

Spirulina is being developed as the "food of the future" because of its amazing ability to synthesize high-quality concentrated food more efficiently than any other algae. Most notably, Spirulina is 65 to 71 percent complete protein, with all essential amino acids in perfect balance. In comparison, beef is only 22 percent protein.

Spirulina has a photosynthetic conversion rate of 8 to 10 percent, compared to only 3 percent in such land-growing plants as soybeans.

In addition, Spirulina is one of the few plant sources of vitamin B12, usually found only in animal tissues. A teaspoon of Spirulina supplies 21/2 times the Recommended Daily Allowance of vitamin B12 and contains over twice the amount of this vitamin found in an equivalent serving of liver.

Spirulina also provides high concentrations of many other nutrients - amino acids, chelated minerals, pigmentations, rhamnose sugars (complex natural plant sugars), trace elements, enzymes - that are in an easily assimilable form.

Even though it is single-celled, Spirulina is relatively large, attaining sizes of 0.5 millimeters in length. This is about 100 times the size of most other algae, which makes some individual Spirulina cells visible to the naked eye. Furthermore, the prolific reproductive capacity of the cells and their proclivity to adhere in colonies makes Spirulina a large and easily gathered plant mass.

The algae are differentiated according to predominating colorations, and are divided into blue-green, green, red and brown. Spirulina is one of the blue-green algae due to the presence of both chlorophyll (green) and phycocyanin (blue) pigments in its cellular structure.

Even though Spirulina is distantly related to the kelp algae, it is not a sea plant. However, the fresh-water ponds and lakes it favors are notably more saline - in the range of 8 to 11 pH than ordinary lakes and cannot sustain any other forms of microorganisms. In addition, Spirulina thrives in very warm waters of 32 to 45 degrees C (approximately 85 to 112 degrees F), and has even survived in temperatures of 60 degrees C (140 degrees F).

Certain desert-adapted species will survive when their pond habitats evaporate in the intense sun, drying to a dormant state on rocks as hot as 70 degrees Centigrade (160 degrees F). In this dormant condition, the naturally blue-green algae turns a frosted white and develops a sweet flavor as its 71 percent protein structure is transformed into polysaccharide sugars by the heat.

Some scientists speculate that the "manna" of the wandering Israelites, which appeared miraculously on rocks following a devastating dry spell and was described as tasting "like wafers made with hone " may have been a form of dried, dormant Spirulina.

This ability of Spirulina to grow in hot and alkaline environments ensures its hygienic status, as no other organisms can survive to pollute the waters in which this algae thrives. Unlike the stereotypical association of microorganisms with "germs" and "scum", Spirulina is in fact one of the cleanest, most naturally sterile foods found in nature.

Its adaptation to heat also assures that Spirulina retains its nutritional value when subject to high temperatures during processing and shelf storage, unlike many plant foods that rapidly deteriorate at high temperatures.

Spirulina is also unusual among algae because it is a "nuclear plant" meaning it is on the developmental cusp between plants and animals. It is considered somewhat above plants because it does not have the hard cellulose membranes characteristic of plant cells, nor does it have a well-defined nucleus. Yet its metabolic system is based on photosynthesis, a process of direct food energy production utilizing sunlight and chlorophyll, which is typical of plant life forms.

In essence, Spirulina straddles that fork in evolutionary development when the plant and animal kingdoms differentiated. Thus it embodies the simplest form of life. In contrast, other algae such as Chlorella have developed the hard indigestible walls characteristic of plants.

The information provided above is intended for educational purposes only. It is not meant to either directly or indirectly give medical advice or prescribe treatment. Unless specifically referenced, the information has not been scientifically validated or approved by any government or regulatory agency. Please consult with your physician or other licensed health care professional for medical diagnosis, prescription, and treatment

The pictures below are actual shots of harvesting spirulina from a basin at GEO Farm, Bayambang, Pangasinan. I had the chance to see personally this algae with wonderful gifts to man yesterday during our educational trip in preparation for all CKC personnel in our thrust of saving Mother Earth by starting an Eco Park in our school.

And this is one of the many gifts of spirulina to man -- especially to aging women.

Hope even without its contribution to beauty as an anti-aging agent, you'll exert some effort to learn more about spirulina and try it yourself. This is not just going back to the basics, but this is more being in communion with nature and living harmoniously with it -- eradicating harmful toxic chemicals in your body.

As Mr. Guevarra said yesterday, "It is only in going back to nature that nature would come back to us."

By the way, this was our lunch yesterday -- red rice, roasted tilapia, "ginataang pakak", fresh salad (leaves and petals with olive oil and mint) served in banana bark, top water and lemon grass tea with muscovado sugar, menthol and vanilla -- all fresh from the farm, no preservatives. Take note: mangoes and other fruits should not serve as your dessert, it has to be eaten before the meal.

The Prize of Parenting

2008-04-04T21:43:00.009+12:00

Anastine Beatrice was first in St. John The Baptist Learning Center's Kinder 1 class of SY 2007-2008. She received a gold medal from the Diocese of La Union and six proficiency awards in Math, Science, Reading, Language, Filipino and as first honors. That makes us proud parents.

My family.

This is the prize of parenting. Kids who grow under your wings, for the meantime, that is. For when they soon would learn the art of flying and muster the wisdom of the universe, they shall explore on their own. You will just be there, savoring the fruits of your labor, from conception to child birth, from diapering to seeing their first steps and say those first words to sending them to school. It's easy to be called parents, but it takes much love and patience and understanding and a whole lot more to stand by the word: PARENTS!

A Teacher's Prayer

2008-03-29T12:48:00.007+12:00

Loving God, our Father

We thank you for giving us a share

in the teaching ministry of Your Son, Jesus Christ.

Through Your Spirit dwelling in us,

strengthen us to carry out the service of love

with joy, perseverance and dedication.

Help us realize that our work has a place in Your purpose

so that we may go about it

with sense of responsibility and enthusiasm.

When results are disappointing

and we cannot see the expected outcome of our task

help us not to be discouraged;

Give us faith to find meaning in it all.

Father, in our desire for efficiency and competence,

help us to be patient

when things are slow to happen.

Give us an understanding heart

to respond to the cheerful ones,

the lonely and the frightened,

the difficult and the stubborn;

Let us reassure them of Your love,

through our gentleness and kindness.

Thus, by Your love transparent in our person,

may we be Your instruments

drawing our pupils and students into fullness of life,

and may we be their companions and co-missionaries

in transforming this world of love, hope and peace.

AMEN.

This is the prayer by all the Educators during this school year's Closing Program for Grade 6 pupils and Graduation of the IV year students last March 26 and 27, 2008 respectively in the academic institution I belong. I hope that through this prayer, I am able to share a part of my vocation to all of you who happen to drop by my site. For I believe that through the teaching ministry of Christ of which I am a part of, I can, in my own little words and ways make a difference in the lives of others.

To all Batch 2008 Graduates: CONGRATULATIONS!!!

Go... Build Communities of Love Through Servant Leadership!

A Love Story That Never Was

2008-03-26T21:20:00.006+12:00

Alumni Homecoming.

Twenty years. Quite long. But it seems it was only yesterday when I last set foot on this same ground in my high school quadrangle.

Mixed emotions. I felt my tummy filled with butterflies. Bringing nausea to my senses. My heart is beating fast. So fast that it seems I will break into tears.

“Haaahh! Twenty years. Would my classmates still know me? Maybe. I have a couple of friends I still communicate with even right after graduation. But the rest, would they recognize me?”

“What changes have I been to? Just the humungous butt, more fats under my belly, in my arms and legs, and some unwanted wrinkles.”

I became more hesitant.

“Argh! I have grown fatter.”

I wasn’t sexy then. The more that I am not now. I wasn’t extra-ordinarily pretty then. The more that I am not now. I wasn’t that intelligent then. Just an average girl. What now?

I asked myself, “What are my achievements so far after twenty years?”

“Not much. I mean, none so far I can really be proud of.”

I started backing out. Not walking. I am more like running. Then I bumped into someone. I almost fell to the ground with my heavy torso.

“Maria! Maria, is that you?”

“Hhmmm… not bad. Somebody recognized me. But was that an interrogative statement I heard?”

“Myra. Yes, it’s me. How do you do?”

“I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m in the advertising. I usually come out in commercials for shampoos, bags and garments. Oh well, the undergarments. You?”

There was an emphasis. I looked at her towering beauty. I closed my eyes before I can say a word.

“I’m a preschool teacher.”

That’s it! I blew it off! I didn’t sound impressive. The more that I didn’t look impressive with my jeans and plain white shirt. No accessory. Just powder and lip gloss.

“Come on. Let’s get inside. The rest are there waiting for us. I heard there’s Bless from Canada, Delia from Dubai, Glenda from London, Roa from Denmark and Tina from California (blah-blah-blah!!!). And guess who I saw early this afternoon?”

I didn’t want to guess who she was referring to. In my heart, I knew who he is. And in my heart, though I prayed for this moment to come, I wish that I just burst like a bubble and be gone.

Myra noticed my silence. She didn’t pursue the topic. Instead she pulled me back to where the crowd was and like in the movies, in slow motion, I was there in the middle of all the classmates I journeyed with in my four years in high school.

“So this is the feeling of going back.” I thought to myself.

There were the people Myra mentioned. Some are still dark-skinned. Others fairer than before. One of them said she is a cosmetic endorser. The other giggled off, “I spend much time at the spa. Scrubbing off every dead skin cell in my body. Quite expensive though. But it’s fine with my British boyfriend.”

I laughed with them. But with jarred pent-up emotion I cannot name.

Some I noticed have yellow gold all over them. Not just one in both ears. They have several in the neck, in their wrists and in their ankles. For some, they look as plain as I am though more sophisticated.

“Nah!” shoved off by that little voice inside me. “They only look more confident. Try leveling your chin to your shoulders. Sit, not slouch. Smile more often. Look at them in the eye when you talk or when you listen to what they are saying.”

I did.

After some time, I became more comfortable. I stopped comparing myself to the rest of the group. My laugh grew more genuine now. I’m starting to enjoy myself.

Our conversations went on. Stories of men in engineering and architecture. Snippets of women’s struggles in a men-dominated area. Tessa was one of them. Very inspiring.

Then came cars they own. House and lots in various points in the archipelago and outside it. Investments here and there. Stock market. Economics. Politics. Commerce. Fashion. Toners. Eye-shadows. Bags. Perfumes. Movies. Local and Hollywood stars. Name it, we have discussed them all. An hour. Two. Three.

Dinner was about to be served.

Our tête-á-tête seem not to reach an end. And just when I thought I am almost gaining confidence, I saw those pair of deep-set eyes. Same pair that melted my heart. Same pair that broke my heart into bits and bits of pieces. I wanted to look away. But they have their own lure that made it difficult for me to do so. Those eyes still have the same effect as it was then.

He was looking, too. Staring intensely. Seem not aware that he was with someone. His wife.

I looked down my feet. I noticed my fingers fidgeting and felt my toes as cold as ice. I felt ashamed. So awkward.

“Hi!” was his short greeting. Same voice I fell in love with.

Then I was transported twenty-three years ago along that small street to Bless’s place.

“I will be coming tomorrow whether you invite me to your birthday or not. I don’t care. My brothers already left for Manila. I asked them that I stay because I want to be with you on your special day.”

I felt so happy. But I didn’t say a word.

“I’ll bring you home.”

Inside the tricycle we were so close I can feel his deep breathing and his heart beat… seems heaven to me. But I didn’t say a word.

“Hope you liked my gift. It’s not as expensive as the stuff toy you received from Eman but hope you appreciate it.”

I smiled. I told myself, “I will forever carry it with me.” But I didn’t say a word.

“Care for another room in your umbrella?” was the chant of almost wet youngsters in the school shed.

I looked up my room. I saw my class adviser by the porch from whom I have promised to strive harder in the academics.

“No boys!” she said early that morning.

“No boys!” I repeated.

Then I walked passed him. Not saying a word.

“I would rather hurt myself, than to ever make you cry. There’s nothing left to say, though it’s gonna hurt us both. There’s no other way, but to say goodbye.”… goes their song.

I head on without looking at his direction. Not saying a word.

“Do you love him?” was John’s question. “He’s waiting for you. He needs you. His mother is not well.”

I went on arranging the flowers for the recognition. I didn’t say a word.

“He’s with someone now.” John confirmed.

I just stared. Moved away with tears welling from my eyes. I didn’t say a word.

“Maria,” Bless’s calling my name brought me back to reality. “Miss Si wants to see you.”

I excused myself. Thankful a bit. At least I have time to think and decide whether I leave the place or stay and hurt myself even more.

After a light talk with my then adviser-mentor turned colleague, I opted to just go home and call it a night.

I passed through the darker alley at the back gate where I usually pass through every time I escape from scrutinizing gaze way back in high school. My mind went back to its natural flow of recollection.

This was the alley that witnessed my tears when I learned he was with someone. I sat near the plants. I even pulled some. All my frustration, my anger and my depression poured into the innocent plants.

Then I heard footsteps. I turned around. I saw his penetrating eyes overpowering me – the little confidence that I have.

Was that pain? I wasn’t sure.

Was that hatred? I’m not certain.

Was that love I see in his eyes?

“You have really mastered the art of escaping.”

I just stared back. I wanted to capture that love in his eyes. I wanted to say something. But at the last minute, I decided to keep my silence. Then I walked away.

If it was impossible then, the more that it is now.

Yesteryears, I should have said something, but I did not. That, I know is my greatest mistake.

But now, if I said what I should have said, I will not just destroy my life and his but cause so much pain to innocent people we both care about and love.

I smiled to myself. A bitter smile.

Then tears welled off my eyes.

Tears that ended a love story that never was.

Human Nature. God's Nature.

2008-03-24T19:35:00.009+12:00

We ask.

We wish, not hope, that it'll be granted in a sec.

We blame Him and ask questions when our prayers are not granted or when problems come along our way.

We doubt His power.

But we fail to truly listen to what He is telling us through the bits of experiences day by day.

We only look at ourselves. We disregard His own feelings.

When in reality, He has received all the pain and suffering that was supposed to be ours. We failed to hear when He said:

"Are you alright? I might have missed a small piece."

Six Thinking Hats by Edward De Bono

2008-03-18T12:58:00.007+12:00

I arrived late in school this morning. While in the bus, I was contemplating I could conduct a follow-up interview to complete the Student’s Individual Inventory Form. But to my dismay, in addition to my being late, I forgot that today is still an exam day and the students will only be in school in the morning. So there is really no chance for me to catch them in their sleeves and ask them how much their parents earn annually or who their single parents are dating at the moment.

And like the previous frustrating events, the only thing that can bring me back from my topsy-turvy disposition is to read a book. Lucky for me, I left my current Coelho read under my pillow, so I dashed through the school library and forced Amy (the school librarian and my bestfriend) to lend me a book even when there are strict orders that this week should be “RETURNING OF BORROWED BOOKS. NO BORROWING OF BOOKS FOR INVENTORY AND CLEARANCE.” both for students and school personnel. Anyway, I promised her to return the book this afternoon (even without her permission).

I browsed through the NEW ARRIVALS SECTION of the library and saw this intriguing title: SIX THINKING HATS by EDWARD DE BONO. It says in the subtitle: THE INTERNATIONAL BESTSELLER that has changed the way the world’s most successful business leaders think.

My initial reaction was, “Well I’m not into business so why care to read this book.”

But after browsing through all the books, nothing caught my bookworm’s intuition of the best possible read for my present emotional condition. So I went back to the HATS stuff and picked it out of its shelf. Amy was shouting over my shoulders when she saw me leaving the Borrower’s Card on top of her desk despite her plea that I am not allowed to borrow a book.

“Oh well,” I told myself, “I’d rather run away with this book than spend the rest of my day grumbling over a messed-up schedule.”

Upon arrival in my office, the intercom was ringing like hell. Assumed that I might not answer the phone, Amy turned on the speaker phone and was yelling at me to return the book. I told her what I had in mind while running away with the book and as expected, my good friend lent me the HATS stuff but she asked me to swear to return the book before I go home this afternoon. And so I did with all my heart.

Flip-flapping through the book, just reading the summary for each color symbol, I finished the HATS stuff in 3o minutes. These are what I can share to you based from the book:

The Six Thinking Hats method capitalizes that THINKING is the ultimate human resource. But most of us, even the most successful people are left unsatisfied with their most important skill. No matter what we have achieved, it seems we can never get enough of the world. We want to be better.

And let me just quote:

Usually, the only people who are very satisfied with their thinking skill are those poor thinkers who believe that the purpose of thinking is to prove yourself right – to your own satisfaction.

The main difficulty of thinking is confusion .We try to do too much at once. Emotions, information, logic, hope and creativity all crowd in on us. It is like juggling with too many balls.

Argh! Got me on that!

Now what do the SIX HATS of different colors symbolize:

WHITE HAT:

Think of paper. Think of a computer printout. The white hat is about information. When the white hat is in use, everyone focuses directly and exclusively on information. It stands for facts and figures. It is for truth and philosophers.

RED HAT:

Think of fire. Think of warmth. Think of feelings. Using the red hat gives you an opportunity to express feelings, emotions and intuition without any need to explain or justify them.

BLACK HAT:

This is the most used of all the hats. The black hat is perhaps the most important hat. The black hat is the hat of caution. It is for being careful. The black hat stops us doing things that are illegal, dangerous, unprofitable, polluting and so on. It focuses on content and process. It is the past and the future.

YELLOW HAT:

Think of sunshine. Think of optimism. Under the yellow hat a thinker deliberately sets out to find whatever benefit there may be in a suggestion. Under the yellow hat, the thinker tries to see how it may be possible to put the idea into practice. It also stands for speculative-positive thinking strategies. It encompasses the positive spectrum of circumstances and of ideas. The yellow hat is also supported by reason and logic. It is for constructive thinking. Thus, it is in relation to creativity.

GREEN HAT:

The green hat is the energy hat. Think of vegetation. Think of growth. Think of new leaves and branches. The green hat is the ultimate creative hat. It is the lateral thinking of the brain. It focuses on movement instead of judgment. There is a need for provocation to encourage more alternatives. The green hat’s major emphasis is on personality and skill.

BLUE HAT:

Think of the blue sky above. Think of “overview”. The blue hat is for thinking about thinking. (Whatever that means!) The blue hat is like the conductor of the orchestra. The conductor gets the best out of the orchestra by seeing that what should be done is done at the right time. The blue hat is like the ringmaster of a circus. The blue hat is for the management of thinking. The blue hat is for the organization of thinking. It is for process control. It gives us the focus. It provides the program design of our brain. It speaks about summaries and conclusions, control and monitoring.

After reading the summary pages, I said to myself (hope I really did), “This is a good read for my day’s drama.”

But I want to make an add to the colors of the thinking hats. May I say we also need an:

ORANGE HAT:

Think about crunchy autumn leaves (well, we don’t have autumn in the Philippines, but there are a good fields with dried leaves) under your bare soles while you are running out in the open with friends and other people. It replenishes the spirit. The orange hat emphasizes on play. It focuses on relaxation. When the mind is set out for thinking alone – an all work without play thing, sanity would not stand for long. The orange hat also symbolizes hope that after every fall, comes the spring.

So may I then suggest that after a long day of work, stop thinking for a while. Act on impulse. Do whatever you wish to do. Say what you have to say. Speak spontaneously. (As long as you would not be hurting yourself and others.) Like when I ran away with the book without thinking about the rules. If I didn’t do so, perhaps I would end this day without a blog entry.

What do you think?

TIME

2008-03-15T19:59:00.015+12:00

I always complain for having the lack of time in doing the things I want to do, especially reading my favorite books. Most of my books are still on my shelf, with plastic cover and sealed with its tag on it. Those in the open are gathering dust each day. But some lucky ones are picked from the shelf once in a while and read inside the bus on my way to work and again inside the bus in the evening on my way home.

But pondering on that, I think my whining is unreasonable, because last night, while dusting my shelves, I saw only five books left unread out of the dozen books or so I bought and the Coelho's my brother bought starting last September. So I don't need to whine over not having the luxury of time. In fact, I have all the time in the world.

Now this is the picture of a watch I saw from an e-shop that I intend to buy as treat for myself for having kept myself busy yet gave myself much time to do what I really wanted to do -- reading books, studying and of course, bonding with my kids and family and friends. Hope I will be able to buy this before the year ends.

I realized that I don't need an add of another twenty-four hours in a day just to do what we want to do. If our heart is into finishing a task, we can find time, no matter how busy we assume we are. To include from my list of "have done", so far this is what I can think of:

1. I have finished three allied courses in four years time (one of which is my MA in Guidance and Counseling -- bagging the "Best Thesis" citation), including my MA in Special Education which I intend to finish until next year.

2. How did I do it?

a. I review for my exams inside the bus (it really helped plus my eyeglasses on).

b. I do my homeworks while eating my snacks and lunch at work.

c. I do my reports, my thesis included at eleven in the evening onwards, when my kids are sleeping and my dogs are snoring.

d. Finishing my thesis was tough, but I managed to squeeze it in by designing a program for my school (my place of work) as output, so the administrators welcomed my study with open arms.

3. I was able to counsel 100% of the kids under my care with follow-up to those who needed extra help. With this is the Career Pathing Program and the Developmental Program for children of OFW parent/s.

4. I made friends here and there. Re-discovered some like with that of Maricel, Tatah and Issa. I strengthened my bonds with most. And just an add, I have three batch of new-found friends -- my Special Ed class (Education for Deviates) with Miss Naoe, my Geometry class of seven with Dr. Gacayan and the CHED scholars in my Graph Theory class with Dr. Quiambao.

5. I maintained my being a Special Ed teacher after my counseling hours with Rob. Now, he is about to finish his third year in high school. One school year more and he is to graduate from senior high. Not to mention I started with him when he was in pre-school.

6. And most importantly, I was able to raise Beatrice with quantity and quality time. She is now five, will be recognized as first in her Kinder class at the end of this month. And of course, I gave birth to another girl, Gabrielle while finishing my thesis. Now she is one and a smart kid like her sister.

7. And in between, I am a wife to my Ronald for almost eight years now. I'm keeping my fingers crossed though as I'm writing this post that I have been able to provide him the warmth of love a wife could give her husband.

8. To give it a final touch, I am also a sister to my brother Jomar and to my siblings-in-law, a daughter to my mom-in-law, a grand-daughter to my grannies, and last but not the least, a child of God, my Creator, giving meaning to the life He has bestowed upon me; so that in the final bend of my TIME, He shall be proud of me.

Love Quiz by Leo Buscaglia

2008-03-13T22:42:00.021+12:00

Asking yourself questions and answering them honestly is a good path to self-knowledge. In keeping with this idea, I'd like to propose a few end-of-the-day questions for each of us:

1. Is anyone a little happier because I came along today?

2. Did I leave any concrete evidence of my kindness, any sign of my love?

3. Did I try to think of someone I know in a more positive light?

4. Did I help someone to feel joy, to laugh, or at least, to smile?

5. Have I attempted to remove a little of the rust that is corroding my relationships?

6. Have I gone through the day without fretting over what I don't have and celebrating the things I do have?

7. Have I forgiven others for being less than perfect?

8. Have I forgiven myself?

9. Have I learned something new about life, living or love?

I got this short LOVE Quiz from Leo Buscaglia's page. Hope it'll make you a little more humane not just to yourself but to others.

If all your answers are YES to the questions, like I did (I'm keeping the positive energy pass through me, within me, in me and onto others), here's what it says about you:

I had a great day today because I:

1. made someone a little happier because I came along today

2. left concrete evidence of my kindness and love

3. tried to think of someone I know in a more positive light

4. helped someone to feel joy, to laugh, or at least, to smile

5. attempted to remove a little of the rust that is corroding my relationships

6. went through the day without fretting over what I don't have and celebrating the things I do have

7. forgave others for being less than perfect

8. forgave myself

9. learned something new about life, living or love

So "Congratulations" on having a terrific day!

Indeed "Life is made of our attitudes." according to Paulo Coelho (The Fifth Mountain).

And "What we are is not of what we feed our mouths but what comes out from them." according to Jesus (I just can't remember what Gospel and chapter or verse we can find this line).

The lines I mentioned from the three gentlemen in my life (aside from my husband) is of equal value. And they drive at one important thing:

The life that we live is our choice. No writer, no matter how bulky his books are, could help us achieve that self-actualization Maslow designed in his heirarchy of needs, unless we ourselves determine the path we take.

Leo Buscaglia Collection

2008-03-11T23:30:00.007+12:00

Got so sentimental upon remembering an old friend today because of Leo Buscaglia, college days and autumn leaves. So I browsed over Buscaglia's page and saw an array of books, some I have read but don't have a personal copy. My passion for reading in college was a bit frustrating because I need to wait a long while just to borrow the best sellers from the university library. Or I'll just be contented in waiting for my boardmate to finish what she was reading before I'll get my hands on a book.

After browsing the net, I have arrived to a new list of best buy books for the summer, all by Leo Buscaglia. Hopefully I will havethe luxury of time to read some and ofc ourse, will have the money to buy some more. Ooooopssss... I mean, hope my brother would grab these books for me:

1. Born for Love
2. Love
3. Leo Buscaglia's Love Cookbook
4. The Fall of Freddie the Leaf
5. Seven Stories of Christmas Love (recommended for the summer!)
6. Bus 9 to Paradise
7. The Disabled and Their Parents
8. Papa, My Father
9. A Memory for Tino
10. Personhood
11. The Way of the Bull
12. Because I am Human

Oh well, my list is very Guidance Counselor. Hope you will enjoy the books as much as I imagine myself enjoying them.

Bookworm's Picks 4: The Fall of Freddie the Leaf

2008-03-11T23:01:00.006+12:00

The Fall of Freddie the Leaf: The Anniversary Edition, the wonderfully wise and strikingly touching story, has become one of the most popular books of our times. Celebrating its 20th anniversary, The Fall of Freddie the Leaf, has released its Anniversary Edition at a time when stories of comfort and inspiration have become more important than ever. The Fall of Freddie the Leaf is a classic fable for anyone who has suffered a permanent loss. The tale is an inspiring allegory illustrating the delicate balance between life and death - as Freddie the Leaf and his companion leaves change with the passing seasons, finally falling to the ground with a winter’s snow. The book offers solace to adults and children alike. The Fall of Freddie the Leaf’s message that death is part of the natural cycle of life has comforted countless men, women, and children worldwide. This classic fable is, “Dedicated to all children who have ever suffered a permanent loss, and to the grown ups who could not find a way to explain it.” (from Leo Buscaglia's page)

“It's not enough to have lived. We should be determined to live for something. May I suggest that it be creating joy for others, sharing what we have for the betterment of personkind, bringing hope to the lost and love to the lonely.”

Leo F. Buscaglia1924-1998

To my friend Vanessa who loves autumn leaves, I think this is one of the best buys you could have.

Oh well, it just reminds me that you were the one who introduced Leo Buscaglia in my life. College was not complete if it weren't for the quotes we get from Buscaglia's Living, Loving and Learning book. My homeroom report always starts with a line or two from this book. Miss those days...

Cubicle

2008-03-11T22:25:00.004+12:00

A lad with so many dreams
“I wanna graduate,” he says,
“just give me a chance.”
A future withdrawn.

Find out the drama that unfolds inside my counseling cubicle in Life in Stanzas

Rocking Chair

2008-03-10T22:33:00.002+12:00

Rocking chair
I sat on your lap
sweetly, you carry me
comforting my fear
from that hairy monster
grandpop created in my mind.

Read on from my collection of poems in Life in Stanzas

Eight Lies of A Mother

2008-03-06T21:44:00.009+12:00

Mothers always lie..........

This story begins when I was a child:

I was born poor. Often we hadn't enough to eat. Whenever we had some food, Mother often gave me her portion of rice. While she was transferring her rice into my bowl, she would say, "Eat this rice, son! I'm not hungry."

This was Mother's First Lie.

As I grew, Mother gave up her spare time to fish in a river near our house; she hoped that from the fish she caught, she could gave me a little bit more nutritious food for my growth. Once she had caught just two fishes, she would make fish soup. While I was eating the soup, Mother would sit beside me and eat what was still left on the bone of the fish I had eaten. My heart was touched when I saw it. Once I gave the other fish to her on my chopstick but she immediately refused it and said, "Eat this fish, son! I don'treally like fish."

This was Mother's Second Lie.

Then, in order to fund my education, Mother went to a Match Factory to bring home some used matchboxes which she filled with fresh matchsticks.This helped her get some money to cover our needs. One wintry night I awoke to find Mother filling the matchboxes by candlelight. So I said,"Mother, go to sleep; it's late. You can continue working tomorrow morning. "Mother smiled and said, "Go to sleep, son! I'm not tired."

This was Mother'sThird Lie.

When I had to sit my Final Examination, Mother accompanied me. Afterdawn, Mother waited for me for hours in the heat of the sun. When the bell rang, I ran to meet her. Mother embraced me and poured me a glass of tea that she had prepared in a thermos. The tea was not as strong as my Mother's love. Seeing Mother covered with perspiration, I at once gave her my glass and asked her to drink too. Mother said "Drink, son! I'm not thirsty!"

This was Mother's Fourth Lie.

After Father's death, Mother had to play the role of a single parent. She held on to her former job; she had to fund our needs alone. Our family's life was more complicated. We suffered from starvation. Seeing our family's condition worsening, my kind Uncle who lived near my house came to help us solve our problems big and small. Our other neighbors saw that we were poverty stricken so they often advised my mother to marry again. But Mother refused to remarry saying "I don't need love."

This was Mother's Fifth Lie.

After I had finished my studies and gotten a job, it was time for my old Mother to retire but she carried on going to the market every morning just to sell a few vegetables. I kept sending her money but she was steadfast and even sent the money back to me. She said, "I have enough money."

That was Mother's Sixth Lie.

I continued my part-time studies for my Master's Degree. Funded by the American Corporation for which I worked. I succeeded in my studies. With a big jump in my salary, I decided to bring Mother to enjoy life in America but Mother didn't want to bother her son; she said to me "I'm not used to high living."

That was Mother's Seventh Lie.

In her old age, Mother was attacked by cancer and had to be hospitalized. Now living far across the ocean, I went home to visit Mother who was bed ridden after an operation. Mother tried to smile but I was heart broken because she was so thin and feeble but Mother said, "Don't cry, son! I'm not in pain."

That was Mother's Eighth Lie.

Telling me her eighth lie, she died.

YES, MOTHER WAS AN ANGEL!

M - O - T - H - E - R

"M" is for the million things she gave me,

"O" means only that she's growing old,

"T" is for the tears she shed to save me,

"H" is for her heart of gold,

"E" is for her eyes with love-light shining in them,

"R" means right, and right she'll always be.

Put them all together, they spell "MOTHER" -- a word that means the world to me.

For those of you who are lucky to be still blessed with your Mom's presence on Earth, this story is beautiful. For those who aren't so blessed, this is even more beautiful.

And shall I say, painful; because this reminded me of my own Mother who was so selfless and died of Cancer, too almost four years ago.

To Maricel who forwarded me this short story, thank you. Words are not enough to express my gratitude of the gift of friendship.

CABAnata 16: Decisions

2008-03-05T22:08:00.012+12:00

We’re in the same stage right now. I still love my work as a Guidance Counselor, but I also feel I have a heart for kids with special needs. I’m not a hypocrite though. I want to feel the snow in my palms, but just the thought of leaving my children for at least six months breaks me. I now experience doubts to pursue my American dream. My goal now is geared towards having my own home school for Filipino children with special needs. I can be an educator and a counselor at the same time. The problem now lies on where I would get my finances for that great dream for a home school.

Funny! Yesterday, I just finished reading “Who moved my cheese?” and I find myself smiling. Then laughing out loud for the coincidence and yes, the irony of life. Ironic though, but wonderful.

My choice, I’m letting the tides of fate bring me to where I really should be. Idealistic? Yes. My place under the sun.

But whatever that is, I won’t stop writing, too.

This was my comment in one of Hazel’s blog entry last week. I decided to post her entry but I failed to ask permission. So I opted not to post. Instead, I encourage you to just drop by her Filteany site to check out on her post.

I am in a crossroad.

My previous entries, I said I will resign from my present job as a Guidance Counselor and look for a teaching job as a Special Ed teacher. I resigned. I applied. But found out the schools don’t fit my personality… or moreso, my principles in life.

I handed my resignation but I took it back. Not because I feared I won’t be able to find another job (In fact, two schools – a university and a college, contacted me to be a college instructor, but I just declined. It’s not my cup of tea I must say.), but more of my principles once again.

Indeed, I am a bit idealistic. I find it hard to leave my present school because for one, the school’s vision-mission support what I too believe in. Secondly, my heart is with the kids I deal with everyday. And a whole lot other reasons I cannot verbally express.

I was just lucky I was totally honest (still am) to my principal. This I have really learned from this experience:

Honesty begets trust and respect.

For the next school year, I will still be a Guidance Counselor, handling the freshmen and kids with special cases – children with OFW parent/s, children of separated parents and single parents. In addition to that, I will also be the school’s allied Special Educator, designing programs for our mainstreamed kids who have been diagnosed with ADHD, with certain specific Learning Disabilities and of course, those with emotional disturbances (not to mention their specific cases).

Challenging?

It is. And I’m looking forward to spending another year inside my cubicle.

A Mother's Wisdom: A Carrot, An Egg and A Cup of Coffee

2008-02-28T21:43:00.005+12:00

A carrot, an egg and a cup of coffee... You will never look at a cup of coffee the same way again.

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and howthings were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make itand wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water andplaced each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first, she placed carrots, in the second, she placed eggs, and in the last, sheplaced ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil, without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placedthem in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.

Turning to her daughter, she asks, "Tell me what you see."

"Carrots, eggs and coffee," she replied.

Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg. Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled, as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, "What does it mean, mother?"

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sittingthrough the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

"Which are you?" She asked her daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?"

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a break-up, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside, am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water,the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, itreleases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level.

How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make youstrong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.

The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can't go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so at the end, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.

It's easier to build a child than repair an adult.

This is so true - may we all be a COFFEE BEAN!

SISTERS!

2008-02-27T22:17:00.008+12:00

This is for all the GIRLS!

A young wife sat on a sofa on a hot humid day, drinking iced tea and visiting with her Mother. Asthey talked about life, about marriage, about the responsibilities of life and the obligations of adulthood, the mother clinked the ice cubes in her glass thoughtfully and turned a clear, sober glance upon her daughter. “Don't forget your Sisters,” she advised, swirling the tea leaves to the bottom of her glass. “They'll be more important as you get older. No matter how much you love your husband, no matter how much you love the children you may have, you are still going to need Sisters. Remember to go places with them now and then; do things with them.””Remember that 'Sisters' means ALL the women... your girlfriends, your daughters, and all your other women relatives too. You'll need other women. Women always do.”

“What a funny piece of advice!” the young woman thought. Haven't I just gotten married? “Haven't I just joined the couple-world? I'm now a married woman, for goodness sake! A grown-up! Surely my husband and the family we may start will be all I need to make my life worthwhile!”

But she listened to her Mother. She kept contact with her Sisters and made more women friends each year. As the years tumbled by, one after another, she gradually came to understand that her Mom really knew what she was talking about. As time and nature work their changes and their mysteries upon a woman, Sisters are the mainstays of her life.

After more than 50 years of living in this world, these say it all:

Time passes.
Life happens.
Distance separates.
Children grow up.
Jobs come and go.
Love waxes and wanes.
Men don't do what they're supposed to do.
Hearts break.
Parents die.
Colleagues forget favors.
Careers end.

BUT.........

Sisters are there, no matter how much time and how many miles are between you. A girl friend is never farther away than needing her can reach. When you have to walk that lonesome valley and you have to walk it by yourself, the women in your life will be on the valley's rim, cheering you on, praying for you, pulling for you, intervening on your behalf, and waiting with open arms at the valley's end. Sometimes, they will even break the rules and walk beside you...Or come in and carry you out. Girl-friends, daughters, granddaughters, daughters-in-law, sisters, sisters-in-law, mothers, grandmothers, aunties, nieces, cousins, and extended family, all bless our life!The world wouldn't be the same without women, and neither would I. When we began this adventure called womanhood, we had no idea of the incredible joys or sorrows that lay ahead. Nor did we know how much we would need each other.

Thank you so much to the following SISTERS in my life:

Mama, not here present with me but I know is somewhere among the heavens watching over me.

Lolas, for making me look forward to graciously age with time.

Auntie Cely and Auntie Lita, for being just an email away.

Auntie Grace, for being just a thought away.

Auntie Dina and Auntie Lib, for being just a text away.

Auntie Tarcela, for being just a prayer away.

Nanay, for the patience.

Ate Arjo and Ate Leah, my sisters-in-law, for being available all the time.

Ate Imelda, for the listening ear.

Armila, for just looking at me when I cry. (And cry later… when I’m not looking.)

Gracia and Judelyn, my high school buddies, for just being there.

Macel, for uplifting my spirit.

Tata and Issa, my college sentimental pals, for always making your presence be felt.

Ate Arnila and Ate Flor, for the laughs.

Ate Chai and Ate Rosabel, for challenging me to be great educators like you.

Ma’am Naoe, for the inspiration. (I swear, I will put up my school for kids with special needs.)

Bea and Gaby, my beautiful and wonderful daughters, for making my day.

**Just a NOTE: For more than a couple of weeks not blogging, here’s what I learned: “I easily cry.”

Happy Heart's Day Everyone!

2008-02-14T22:13:00.010+12:00

These are pictures of the crucifixion of Christ that a man sculptured out of metal near Amarillo , TX . The cross is a giant made of metal also. The man did this out of the kindness of his heart. Someone donated the land to him.

WHO IS HE?

In Chemistry:
He turned water to wine.

In Biology:

He was born without the normal conception;

In Physics:

He disapproved the law of gravity when He ascended into heaven;

In Economics:

He disapproved the law of diminishing return by feeding 5000 men with two fishes and five loaves of bread;

In Medicine:

He cured the sick and the blind without administering a single dose of drugs,

In History:

He is the beginning and the end;

In Government:

He said that He shall be called wonderful Counselor, Prince of Peace;

In Religion:

He said no one comes to the Father but through Him;

So, WHO IS HE?

He is JESUS!
Join me and let's celebrate Him,

for in this LOVE month,

we remember that no one has ever showed us such great love but HIM;

He is worthy to be in the center of our hearts.

The Greatest Man in History

Jesus had no servants, yet they called Him Master.

Had no degree, yet they called Him Teacher.

Had no medicines, yet they called Him Healer.

He had no army, yet kings feared Him.

He won no military battles, yet He conquered the world.

He committed no crime, yet they crucified Him.

He was buried in a tomb, yet He lives today.

I feel honored to serve such a Leader who loves us!

A friend sent this to me through e-mail. Hope you like it too as much as it did some awakening to me. God bless everyone and Happy Heart's Day!!!

How to Always Stay Happy

2008-02-04T22:51:00.000+12:00

Throw out non-essential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. (That is why you pay them!)

Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down. (Keep this in mind if you are one of those grouches!)

Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain get idle. “An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.” And the devil’s name is Alzheimer’s!

Enjoy the simple things.

Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath. And if you have a friend who makes you laugh, spend lots and lots of time with him or her.

The tears happen. Endure, grieve and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life is ourself. LIVE while you are alive.

Surround yourself with what you love. Whether it’s family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

Cherish your health. If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

Don’t take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall or even to a foreign land, but NOT to where the guilt is.

Tell the people you love that you love them, in every opportunity.