CABAnata 3: American Dream, Anyone?

The President said that the peso is gaining its stability and appreciating in value. The advertisement I saw last night was as ironic as it was presented. A woman (mother) was talking about how her burden of raising a family has grown lighter because of the low price medicines the government has to offer. While I have just been to the grocery store and fortunately found out how unfortunate my one thousand peso bill has become. Milk increased in price from fifteen to thirty pesos (or more). Isn't it that this is the most important item mothers like me should buy especially so when raising your kids, especially those with babies?
Just a thought to ponder on anyway...

But why did I start my CABAnata in such a pessimistic manner. Well of course to exaggerate my point and well of course, to rationalize my decision of going to the US.

Let me again quote the following details (as fact) from Wikipedia:

Population in Diaspora

There are more than 11 million overseas Filipinos worldwide, about 11% of the total population of the Philippines.[1]

Each year, the Philippines sends out more than a million of its nationals to work abroad through its overseas employment program. Others leave to become permanent residents of their country of destination. Overseas Filipinos are typically known to be as doctors, accountants, IT professionals, engineers,[8] entertainers, teachers, nurses, military servicemen, students, bar girls, domestic helpers,[9] housekeepers,[9] and caregivers.

Did I drive my point clear?

If it still seems vague to you, well, here is what I want to say:

"Get your butt the hell out of the Philippines if you want to finance your dreams and make them come true."

Did I sound so unFilipino? Well, not. I was just stating a painful fact. Painful because I am hurting for the millions of Filipino migrant workers who sacrificed leaving their families just to give their love ones the best opportunities they could offer (which is unlikely achieved in their own hometown). And the more pain I feel as I browsed down :

According to estimates by the Central Bank of the Philippines, overseas Filipinos are expected to send back $14.7 billion in remittances to their ancestral homeland in 2007, up from $14 billion in 2006.[10]

Again I ask: Where does this sum amount of money go?

Decision: I have decided to take the risk and plunge into the unexpected than breaking my bones working here more than ten hours a day with a take home net pay of nine thousand pesos which would only last one week before the next pay day.

Fact: I'm not leaving for good though. I just want to earn ample wealth (so to speak) to build a better house (without the termites) for my kids, send them to the best schools until they finish college and they can finance their own further studies if they wish to. And of course for my studies again because I really wanted to take up Clinical Psychology and put up my own clinic or further my knowledge in Special Education so when I come back here in the Philippines for good, I can put up my own SpEd school and regular school that mainstream children with special needs without fear that their fees are wasted because individualized services due them are not given or provided for.

Another Fact: My American Dream is just a stepping stone, not an end in itself. In short, I'm just taking advantage of the opportunity. Bluntly I say, "Ginagamit ko lang ang Amerika para matupad ang pangarap ko para sa Pilipinas."

Last Fact: I only sound like I hate the Philippines.

CABAnata 2: On Failing

It's never quite easy to live a life when you have a lot of responsibilities - milk for your newborn, including diapers, monthly vaccination expenses for the baby, school fees for yourelf and your kids, electric bills (It's good here in the province we don't pay for water. And good for us, our phone is pre-paid), transportation expenses, food and food and food and some more food... That sometimes, eating becomes so stressing everytime you pull a hundred but can only buy a meal for the day, more painful that is, only for yourself. Now I'm just earning for food and my fare. How about my kids? Good for them because they have an Uncle and a Granny who provides for their clothing and other chuvanels expenses.

And so I move on to my decision-making process...

I e-mailed three of my aunts the other day. Asked for their opinion about my application in the US. Told them my litany of worries and fears. Basically, it's all about raising my kids in my absence (OA mang sabihin, but I really fear that six months - one year of not being with them... them growing in my absence). Fear that after not seeing me for a long time, they might forget that I am their mother -- the one who carried them in my womb for nine months and almost died in giving birth and with Yumi, while conceiving. I fear that Bea would not be able to maintain her good academic performance. I fear that Yumi might not be able to grow as sweet as her Ate. I fear that my husband might not be able to provide the warmth of both a father and a mother to my kids. I fear a hundred and one fears that I almost crack into tears just by merely thinking that I might leave them.

All of my aunts told me one thing: SACRIFICE!

And yet another point: OPPORTUNITY KNOCKS ONLY ONCE!

I got their point. Aunt Cely told me that my father was away from us for more than ten years, yet, we grew up as good as we are now (not bragging!). Well, maybe, we could raise our kids better than that for I would only be away for a year or so. And would eventually take them with me.

Hell, well!!! I'm talking about my fears but I forgot one principal aspect of all these: FAILING THE EVALUATION AND INTERVIEW!

After writing my entry yesterday, I almost grabbed my unit and log in to blogtext to delete my entry. I told myself, "Why am I writing all these stuff and letting the whole world know how I might fail in taking this great risk?"

Yet another side of me said (which of course I chose to follow because here I am writing a second entry in my new found CABAnata), "I might fear a lot of things, sometimes even myself, but one thing is for sure, I don't fear failing."

Why do I say so?

Because FAILING is just an offshoot of what is there on being human -- the struggle of making the most out of what you have as a person, using at the most your God-given self -- TRYING.
And this is what I want to share to my readers (if there are some...), that failing is not something to be afraid of but it is something to be proud of because you transcend the majority of people who do not experience failure, not because they are good at all aspects but they are afraid to take the risk and content themselves in lying under the guava tree, waiting for the guava fruit to ripen and fall right into their mouths.

Well, I'm not Juan Tamad. I will welcome each opportunity as they come until all my puzzle pieces will fall into place.

And like Pareng Leo Buscaglia said, "Taking risks makes one human for risking nothing is only of death."

May God bless me, my family and all people who take the risk of striving to transcend their humanness to completion, if not to perfection.

CABAnata 1: How It Started?

I'm starting a new chapter in my life, that is ang Bagong CABAnata sa aking buhay. It doesn't mean though that I am ending my recollection of the stuff I was mold of... my Tomb Reader, my original CABAnata. The more that I am not escaping from a painful past by ending my story in the memory of my Mother. I'm brave. People who know me too well could attest to that. And this is no reason for me to give up. Actually, I have a long way to go in my recollection. Andami ko pa kayang mga CABAnata Paningit at CABAnata Rewind!

But why am I beginning this engagement?

Well, to start with... let me make a recollection.

It was May, 2005 when my cousin Cathy spent her vacation here in the Philippines after almost two years I think of being in the US with her family (husband and kid -- Kuya Dennis and Karen). She said Aunt Grace mentioned to her that my course is in demand in the US (Psychology). So I prepared all my credentials before Ate Cathy and her family would return to the US by June.

At that moment, too, another Aunt in the US, Aunt Tarcela had a major heart attack and was in coma. She is my mother's eldest sister who generously financed my mother's chemotherapy expenses. The more that I was in deep need of acquiring some wealth so I may be able to help her out, too in her expenses or her family's.

To cut the story short, another Aunt (father side), Aunt Genie with her husband Uncle Mel was already in the US as teachers in the Sciences. They had my credentials checked and saw I can be a SpEd teacher or a Speech Pathologist because of my experience with children with special needs and in implementing Homeroom Speech Program for a child with Autism. But... with a capital B-U-T... I lack the units to be a licensed teacher or speech pathologist in the US.
And so, I was asked to choose from the two, which course I have to complete. I considered Speech Pathology because I found it sosy sa pandinig. Hahahahaha!!! But unfortunately, only UP Manila is offering the course entire the Philippines and I have to make a fast decision whether to resign in my present job to go to Manila to study or just take up Special Education at the PLM during Sundays. The options were both tiring to start with. So I opted a Master's Degree in Special Education at the DMMMSU-SLUC and acquired a Certification in Teaching at the same state university in their Open University Program and at the same time enrolling myself in yet another Certification in Caring for the Special Child at the UP-Open University System (IVLE). So there! I gave up speech pathology for an MA and two Post Baccalaureatte Degrees. Ain't that cool!??

And so within two years, I earned two Certifications, finished in the process my MA in Guidance and Counseling and about to finish my MA in Special Education. I only have nine units to go which I intend to finish next semester including my Comprehensive Exam and Thesis Title Defense.

In addition, I have gained confidence in filing for an application to the US as a special education teacher. Almost a month ago, my Aunt Genie e-mailed me telling me to make an application letter and resume addressed to their agency. I said, "Cool!"

I made one and forwarded it to her. After three days, she responded, telling me that I have to work on my resume and limit it to two-three pages and as for the application letter, she said she can make that for me. And mind you, she sent her own application letter and resume of which really totally with all honesty shocked me. And almost bombarded the little confidence that I so carefully taken good cared of for all these years. Basta, I am so proud of all her achievements. Auntie ko nga siya. Diddums!

After forwarding to her my resume, I waited for her to forward me the application letter she made so I can send it through LBC to their agency. Shockingly, she forwarded everything on her own and the next thing I know, I'm attending a seminar for potential teachers bound for US and was asked to acquire a passport.

Bagong CABAnata? Well, I have just acquired my passport and let's wait and see what will happen next...