When people ask me to define love, I say, "Love is like handing someone a gun, having them point it at your heart, and trusting them to never pull the trigger." (Sponge Bob)

When they ask me why I laugh at my mistakes and even write them with pride in my blogs, I say, "I'm not crazy. I just don't give a damn!" (Daffy Duck)

When one time I was conducting a group activity, a student asked what road sign I love the most, I said, "I like dead end signs. I think they're kind. They at least have the decency to let you know you're going nowhere…" (Bugs Bunny)

And when for the nth time a friend would ask me what do I get from writing, I'm not even sure if there are good old souls out there visiting my site, I just smile and say, "Kung gusto mong maging manunulat, eh di magsulat ka. Simple." (Bob Ong)

And last night when Eva said she wants to quit from her work because nobody believes in her, her boss got mad at her, she doesn't even have friends at her agency, and she's crying like hell, I said, "Either you stay to prove your worth or you quit and just show them you're a loser, you have to strive for your happiness." (MY original)

My CHOICES: I remained believing in love. I continued spicing up my mistakes and rewriting my life, accepting failure but keep on dreaming until words would fade into thin air.

Jan 25, 2008

The Moon Walks with Me

I shall never forget this same sight I had last night. I just forgot my cam at home which I ususally bring wherever I go. The fact is, I won't let this entry pass another day so I just copied a moon's picture from google images. Whoever had this picture posted, thank you so much.

This week was a tough week for me. I have to decide on a lot of things -- major career moves at that. But I know with the moon in sight, the silencing effect it brings to my thoughts and my senses, I shall forever be thankful of the giftedness of life, of silence and of the Moon that walks with me in the darkness of my night.

Before the weekend, I wanna praise the Creator who gave me such a wonderful gift.

Hope you do the same!!!

Jan 23, 2008

Risk (by: Leo Buscaglia)

To laugh is to risk appearing the fool.
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.
To reach out for another is to risk involvement.
To expose feelings is to risk exposing your true self.
To place your ideas, your dreams, before a crowd is to risk their loss.
To love is to risk not being loved in return.
To live is to risk dying.
To hope is to risk failure.

But risks must be taken.
Because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.
If you risk nothing and do nothing, you dull your spirit.
You may avoid suffering and sorrow, but you cannot learn, feel, change, grow, love, and live.
Chained by your attitude, you are a slave.
You have forfeited your freedom.
Only if you risk are you free.

- this excerpt is also taken from Yuni Library

Hope this would give a little lift from that surrendering state...

Have a happy day!

What a Woman Really Wants?

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youthful happiness. So he offered him freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur, would have a year to figure out the answer. If, after a year, he still had no answer, he would be killed.

The question was: What do women really want? Such a question would have perplexed even the most knowledgeable man, and, to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. Since it was better than death, however, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.

He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everybody; the princess, the prostitutes, priests, the wise men, and the court jester. In all, he spoke with everyone but no one could give him a satisfactory answer. What most people did tell him was to consult the old witch, as only she would know the answer. The price would be high as the witch was famous for the exorbitant prices she charged.

The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no alternative but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer his question, but he'd have to accept her price; the old witch wanted to marry Gawain, the most noble of the Knights of the Round table and Arthur's closest friend! Young Arthur was horrified, she was hunchbacked and awfully hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like a sewer and often made obscene noises. He had never run across such a repugnant creature. He refused to force his friend to marry her and to have to endure such a burden.

Gawain upon learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur. He told him that nothing was too big a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round table. Hence, their wedding was proclaimed, and the witch answered Arthur's question.

What a woman really wants is to be able to be in charge of her own life.

Everyone instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared. And so it went. The neighboring monarch spared Arthur's life and granted him total freedom.

What a wedding Gawain and the witch had! Arthur was torn between relief and anguish. Gawain was proper as always, gentle and courteous. The old witch put her worst manners on display. She ate with her hands, belched and farted, and made everyone uncomfortable. The wedding night approached: Gawain, steeling himself for a horrific night, entered the bedroom. What a sight awaited! The most beautiful woman he'd ever seen lay before him! Gawain was astounded and asked what had happened.

The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she'd been a witch, half the time she would be her horrible, deformed self. And the other half, she would be her beautiful maiden self. Which would,he want her to be during the day and which during the night? What a cruel question! Gawain began to think of his predicament.
During the day a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his home, an old spooky witch? Or would he prefer having by day a hideous witch, but by night a beautiful woman to enjoy many intimate moments.

What would you do?

What Gawain chose follows below, but don't read until

Noble Gawain replied that he would let her choose for herself.

Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time, because he had respected her and had let her be in charge of her own life.

What is the moral of the story?

The moral is that it doesn't matter if a woman is pretty or ugly, smart or dumb. Underneath it all, she's still a . . . . . witch!!!

- Author Unknown

I think this story is funny yet inspiring to all the women out there. This is an "icebreaker" from my usual entry on Woman: Salt of the Earth and Light of the World.

To the men:

Call us witches but in the end you will realize "You love us more than you realize you can love someone else... other than the witches in us."

Girl power?

Woman empowerment!!!

Jan 22, 2008

A Wise Woman's Stone

A wise woman who was traveling in the mountains found a precious stone in a stream. The next day she met another traveler who was hungry, and the wise woman opened her bag to share her food. The hungry traveler saw the precious stone and asked the woman to give it to him. She did so without hesitation. The traveler left, rejoicing in his good fortune. He knew the stone was worth enough to give him security for a lifetime. But a few days later he came back to return the stone to the wise woman.

"I've been thinking," he said, "I know how valuable the stone is, but I give it back in the hope that you can give me something even more precious. Give me what you have within you that enabled you to give me something more precious. Give me what you have within you that enabled you to give me the stone.

- Author Unknown

I was searching for some short stories for Ma’am Nora Gundran, the Coordinator of Student Behaviors in our school which she will use in her pep talk two weeks from now when I landed on and saw this story.

Before I go any further, Mommy G is not just an ordinary personnel in school, but she is one mother I consider like my own, too. We have shared a lot of fun times together, so are tearful moments. This school year is her last year as a teacher because she’s about to retire. This school year is also my last school year in the institution I consider my home because I shall seek a teaching career in special education in another institution, of which I hope would be as warm as the home I have with my present school.

After reading this short story, I can hear myself sobbing like a child whose balloon has flown with the wind – no returning.

I am heading off too. Away from the school that has taught me a lot of things -- from professional skills to work ethics to being human.

“Solid Christian foundation, imbued with a sense of mission and service orientation.”

This is always the beginner’s quote I utter everytime we conduct admission promotion outside the campus. I shall no longer say this in the same event, but I will say this a million times in my thoughts and teach my children, grandchildren and other’s children about the essence of being alive.

Indeed, I will be bringing these precious stones with me, but I know in my heart, the core of the wealth is not in the teachings and ideals I have gained with the school. The real wealth is within each people that make up the institution -- their own humanity that they share with one another, to the school and to the community.

I seal this entry with my tears and my hopeful heart, that wherever I may be, I can share the untarnished wealth the good Lord has endowed me, polished in the school I consider my home.

Jan 21, 2008

Wish List Meme

Sandy tagged me with the Wish List Meme. Here are my lists of five material wishes and five spiritual wishes:

Five Material Wishes

1. that my kids will always be healthy
2. that my husband would remain vigorous
3. that I find a teaching job, specifically as a SpEd teacher after my resignation as counselor
4. that there will always be enough to feed my family
5. that I can go to the US and bring my family after several months

Five Spiritual Wishes

1. to be patient in all my undertakings
2. to have the wisdom to decide soundly not just for myself but for the majority of people around me
3. to always have love clothing my family together despite life's challenges
4. to be more optimistic and see the miracle of life in simple ways
5. to be more dependent on God like that of a little child

P.S. To Miss Sandy Carlson who tagged me with this one, thank you for the constant encouragement. I really do appreciate your kind words. I'm even find myself always looking forward to read them. But pardon me for my ignorance, I don't know how to tag. :-)

Jan 17, 2008

CABAnata 14: Apollo and Daphne (from Paulo's blog)

The god Apollo pursues the nymph Daphne into the woods. He is in love with her, but Daphne - who is always being courted by everyone - can no longer bear her own splendour and calls on the gods to help her, saying:

"Destroy this beauty that never allows me any peace."

The gods heard Daphne’s plea and transform her into a tree. Apollo cannot find her, for she is now merely part of the vegetation.

Daphne behaved in a way that is familiar to us all: we often destroy our own talents because we do not know what to do with them.

The mediocrity of being ‘just another person’ is more comfortable than the struggle to reveal everything we are capable of, using the gifts that God gave us.

Painful truth isn't it?

Yesterday, we had a meeting in our school. The Directress mentioned about the migration of teachers to the US. I felt guilty. Indeed I was. With the condition the Philippines is undergoing excluding the rampant corruption, I don't think I am alone in my thoughts of seeking a greener pasture somewhere far beyond the seas of the archipelago. Even teachers from Ateneo where the highest paid teachers in the academe reside has lost 30 teachers last year due to migration.

I have been very vocal eversince about my plans. I mean, all plans but no concrete future as of the moment. The agency where I forwarded my application said my papers are okay, but that's it. No job order yet. And what if I do not pass the interview? And what if my papers are okay but others' papers are far from being just a plain okay?

I mean, with the competition in the market, this can be anybody else's game.

What is then the connection of the story of Daphne here to what I am feeling right now? It is this:

The Directress told us to lay our cards. Stop playing safe -- signing the contract of commitment for a year but leaving in the middle of the school year. Students will be at a loss. Adjustment problems may arise. Poor Filipino students.

Before yesterday, I was Daphne, playing safe. Avoiding the responsibility of making a choice. In my mind, I was dreaming for big distant stars shooting before me without making a move.

I thought, too, I was just a struggling teacher in a simple town somewhere here in the Philippines, might even be unknown to the world, how can I be at par with other teachers in big cities?

Oh well, I almost wish I never had that dream of writing a book and putting up a school for kids with special needs.

But then again, after the meeting yesterday and reading Paulo Coelho's Daily Message post last January 8, I have changed perspective.

I am pursuing for my star.

And hell, I will!

Jan 16, 2008

Today's Prayer

Please take a moment to relax your mind and humble your heart to focus on Christ. Allow God to be the only person in your mind while you read this prayer I have received from my sister-in-law through my yahoo mail. If we can take the time to read long jokes, stories, etc. We should give the same respect to this prayer.

Dear Lord, I thank you for this day.
I thank You for my being able to see and to hear this morning.
I'm blessed because You are a forgiving God and an understanding God.
You have done so much for me and You keep on blessing me.
Forgive me this day for everything I have done, said or thought that was not pleasing to you.
I ask now for Your forgiveness.
Please keep me safe from all danger and harm.
Help me to start this day with a new attitude and plenty of gratitude.
Let me make the best of each and every day to clear my mind so that I can hear from You.
Let me not whine and whimper over things I have no control over.
Let me continue to see sin through Your eyes and acknowledge it as evil.
And when I sin, let me repent, and confess with my mouth of my wrongdoing, and receive forgiveness.
And when this world closes in on me, let me remember Jesus' example -- to slip away and find a quiet place to pray.
It's the best response when I'm pushed beyond my limits.
I know that when I can't pray, You listen to my heart.

Continue to use me to do Your will.
Continue to bless me that I may be a blessing to others.
Keep me strong that I may help the weak.
Keep me uplifted that I may have words of encouragement for others.
I pray for those who are lost and can't find their way.
I pray for those who are misjudged and misunderstood.
I pray for those who don't know You intimately.
I pray for those who don't believe.
But I thank you that I believe.
I believe that You change people and You change things for good reasons.
I pray for all my sisters and brothers.
For each and every one of my family members and friends and their families.
I pray for peace, love and joy in their homes that they are out of debt and all their needs are met.
I pray that every eye that reads this knows there is no problem, circumstance, or situation greater than You.
Every battle is in Your hands for You to fight.
I pray that these words be received into the hearts of every eye that sees them and every mouth that confesses them willingly.
This is my prayer.
In Jesus' name. Amen.

Best Sellers at Php 100.00

This is a delayed entry but I will post it anyway.

Last December when my family and I dropped by in Baguio for the weekend, I cannot help but drag my feet to the bookstore where books are sold cheap. You know it's the holidays and giving gifts becomes a little bit expensive. I told myself, "Oh well, this I have to give to myself."

But on the other hand, I feel a little bit guilty buying some more books when I have a dozen more on my shelf still neatly covered with plastic, unopened and of course, unread.

Time passed by so quickly that we have to drive back home. And for the nth time I shove the thought of going to that tempting store to buy some more books.

My hubby must have noticed my eyes always glancing over my shoulder to that side of the mall. He told me, "I still have a thousand, you can have it."

Without a second word, I hugged him, got the money he was waving infront of my face and ran towards the bookstore. I was almost literally salivating like a Pavlov dog upon the sight of still unopened boxes of new arrivals with red bold letters stuck on its upper side: "FOR SALE"

In less than an hour, I unpacked the books. In less than two hours, I have read most of their back covers and have picked up four books to buy -- all Best Sellers at Php 100.00 each. Then I have listed a few "Book Buys" in my pocket notebook for future reference. And here is my book list:

(I will later on buy)

1. Interpreter of Maldies
2. Tom Clancy collection (I want it hard bound)
3. Robert Ludlum novels (hard bound, too)
4. The Namesake
5. The Shopaholic Series by Sofie Kinsella
6. Poetry Collection of Walter Whittman (my friend once told me some of my poems sound like him)

(I got hold of)

1. The Edge of Reason (the triumphant sequel to the best selling Bridget Jones' Diary by Helen Fielding)
2. The Weight of Water by Anita Shreve
3. By The Shore by Galaxy Craze
4. Back When We Were Grown-ups by Anne Tyler

After I paid the said books, I asked myself, "When will I be able to write my book review of these books?

Oh well, hope you can wait 'til I have the luxury of time.

Jan 15, 2008

Insanity Strikes Back!

I was talking about some insanity spurts you can do to make your life more laughable; which in the process can help you achieve a healthier disposition in life just before I logged off for the holidays.

Oh well, didn’t I mention that?

Okay, now… I just did!

And last week, I by passingly mentioned Zedka in Coelho’s novel, Veronika Decides to Die. In the story, Veronika of course committed suicide and was brought in an asylum at Villete because during her time, anyone who was not behaving like any other people did was considered a loony. And they consider suicide as one of the “abnormal” behaviors.

Veronika then met Zedka inside the mental hospital. They became constant speaking partners. I used the term to indicate not friendship but just two people sharing ideas and words, sometimes even nonsensical.

The first time they spoke, Zedka tried to clarify Veronika in her question:

“What does it mean to be crazy?”

Zedka said:

“Anyone who lives in her own world is crazy. Like schizophrenics, psychopaths, maniacs. I mean people who are different from others.

“On the other hand, you have Einstein, saying that there was no time or space, just a combination of the two. Or Columbus, insisting that on the other side of the world lay not an abyss but a continent. Or Edmund Hillary, convinced that a man could reach the top of the Everest. Or the Beatles, who created an entirely different sort of music and dressed like people from another time. Those people – and thousands of others – all lived in their own world.”
She continued:

“A powerful wizard, who wanted to destroy an entire kingdom, placed a magic potion in the well from which all the inhabitants drank. Whoever drank that water would go mad.”

“The following morning, the whole population drank from the well and they all went mad, apart from the king and his family, who had a well set aside for them alone, which the magician had not managed to poison. The king was worried and tried to control the population by issuing a series of edicts governing security and public health. The policemen and the inspectors, however, had also drank the poisoned water, and they thought that the king’s decisions were absurd and resolved to take no notice of them.”

“When the inhabitants of the kingdom heard about these decrees, they became convinced that the king had gone mad and was now giving nonsensical orders. they marched on the castle and called for his abdication.”

“In despair, the king prepared to step down from the throne, but the queen stopped him, saying: ‘Let us go and drink from the communal well. Then we will be the same as them.’

“And that was what they did: The king and the queen drank the water of madness and immediately began talking nonsense. Their subjects repented at once; now that the king was displaying such wisdom, why not allow him to continue ruling the country?”

“The country continued to live in peace, although its inhabitants behaved very differently from those of its neighbors. And the king was able to govern until the end of his days.”

With this story, Veronika laughed. And I bet, I laughed harder than she did.


Really absurd!

And then later on in the story, Zedka defined insanity as the inability to communicate one’s ideas.

“It’s as if you were in a foreign country, able to see and understand everything that’s going on around you but incapable of explaining what you need to know or of being helped, because you don’t understand the language they speak there.”

We have all felt that way once or twice – to some, maybe even more than what “normal” people may perceive the usual.

And basing it from the definition shared by Zedka, one way or another, all of us are insane.

I honestly am – everytime I keep myself inside myself, shouting… screaming… when there is no voice.

I honestly am – each moment I talk to my Mom… sharing her my dreams, my achievements, my fears and my failures, when she had died more than three years ago.

I honestly am – in those times I smile to myself when my kids come across my mind.

I honestly am – in moments when I shiver in Ronald’s imagined touch or with him just staring at me kilometers away from home.

I honestly am – in every strike of my fingertips when I write my blogs and my memory lags down a decade.

I honestly am – .won od I tahw ekil sdrawkcab sgniht od I nehw (when I do things backwards like what I do now.)

It’s fun you know… try it and be hilariously stupid. And have a healthy life!


1. dress before putting on your undies (saves you from using some liners)
2. drink a lot of water before you eat (at least you don’t eat much)
3. gurgle, chew some toothpaste then brush your teeth (cool, right?)
4. sleep in the morning and be an owl while your family is snoring (argh!)
5. walk to your office with your back (I did this when they told me the back of my
haircut looks nice and awful in the front)

Have a hilarious day everyone!

Jan 10, 2008

Miss Cockroach And The Coin (from Coelho's blog)

An old children’s story tells of Miss Cockroach, who found a coin as she was sweeping out her house.

After a long time spent at her window, choosing the right mate to accommodate all her fears and anxieties, she ended up marrying John Shrew. And as everyone knows, John Shrew fell in the stew.

Often in our lives, we find a coin that has been given to us by fate, and we believe it to be the one treasure of our lives. We end up placing so much value on that one thing that fate - the same fate that gave us the coin - decides to take it back.

Those who are afraid of making a choice, always choose wrongly.

Oh, well. I have always believed eversince that day I finished reading one of the books of Buscaglia that life is made of choices. We even choose whether to live or die. And every choice we make entails a lot of courage, Risking ourselves to failing. But choosing is a risk in itself. And risking nothing is only of death.

I mean, I am alive. Why be afraid of making a choice when it is what makes life beautiful and wonderful and mysterious and magical?

I am alive. And as long as I am, I will not stop risking... making a choice, that is.

Jan 9, 2008

The Blogger Is In

Oh hi everyone!

Happy New Year!!!

Was I late for the greeting?

Geeezzzz… it has been three weeks since I last posted an entry. And damn you’re right, I missed blogging. But I am in so far so good state of being me because the times I didn’t blog, I spent with my kids.

You remember I wrote about Gabrielle who was almost hospitalized because of pneumonia? Oh well, she was sick during the holidays. You can just imagine how awful she looked like when she started throwing up all her food intake on Christmas day and the following day had loose anal excretions. She was pale and lost really a lot of weight. We brought her back to her pedia and she suggested we bring her to the hospital. But we begged not to. She gave us another two days. Her vomiting stopped but her bowel is still loose. Her pedia can’t increase the dosage of her medication because she was too young and she can’t give her another prescription because of her G6PD deficiency. Medications for such are very limited because there are certain chemicals that are not recommended due to adverse reactions to her system. So she just extended her medication.

Fortunately, the drug cured her. Now, she’s back to being such an active kid. Thank God.

But I was really so worried during the holidays.

It all started with the pneumonia stuff and when I attended the Christmas Party in my Graduate School. Let me relate the spooky story that triggered the hell out of me…

Since it is a Christmas Party, I thought of dropping by the cake store to buy some goodies for my thesis adviser. While my friend and I are on my way to the venue, we met my adviser and we headed towards the graduate college building. Before reaching the entrance, Dr. Neroza stopped and seemed like looking for something/someone. Then she said, “Now where is that little girl you are with?”, looking at me questioningly.

Ate Weng and I said that we were not with a kid. It was just the two of us who approached her.

But she insisted, “No, you are with a little girl about this tall (gesturing beside my hip) and was in pink spaghetti strap blouse and was walking right beside you. I even looked at her for a moment because she was so cute and she smiled at me.”

Oh, hey… I can’t describe my feeling that time. I had goose bumps all over me and I started to melt like a candle. My knees are quivering and I can feel my body like cold ice. I was pale.

I remembered Gabrielle who is still not feeling well that day but seemed okay. Her diaper leaked when we woke up so I changed her nappies and clothes to a pink spaghetti strapped dress.

My friends prayed over me and bid me to go home. I ran through the bus like I was chased by dozens of demons. And when I reached home and saw my little angel smiling back at me, I exhaled the demons out of me.

A dear friend told me that maybe, Gaby had an astral journey. She wanted me beside her so she traveled along with me so she is with me everywhere I went. So right after school was over for the holidays, I promised myself to stop and focus all my attention to my kids.

Hey, I wasn’t a believer of such premonitions and astral journeys, but I guess the experience taught me one great lesson. And now, I am starting to enjoy reading books on the topic, too. Coincidentally, Coelho’s book which I am currently reading entitled Veronika Decides to Die, Zedka, one of the characters, experienced astral journey. Her soul leaves her body for a while and travels else where – where she wants to go. She had learned too the techniques of separating her soul from her body and have astral travel.

Oh well, I would relate the story in another entry. But for the meantime, I want to say: The Blogger is in!