Choices

When people ask me to define love, I say, "Love is like handing someone a gun, having them point it at your heart, and trusting them to never pull the trigger." (Sponge Bob)

When they ask me why I laugh at my mistakes and even write them with pride in my blogs, I say, "I'm not crazy. I just don't give a damn!" (Daffy Duck)

When one time I was conducting a group activity, a student asked what road sign I love the most, I said, "I like dead end signs. I think they're kind. They at least have the decency to let you know you're going nowhere…" (Bugs Bunny)

And when for the nth time a friend would ask me what do I get from writing, I'm not even sure if there are good old souls out there visiting my site, I just smile and say, "Kung gusto mong maging manunulat, eh di magsulat ka. Simple." (Bob Ong)

And last night when Eva said she wants to quit from her work because nobody believes in her, her boss got mad at her, she doesn't even have friends at her agency, and she's crying like hell, I said, "Either you stay to prove your worth or you quit and just show them you're a loser, you have to strive for your happiness." (MY original)

My CHOICES: I remained believing in love. I continued spicing up my mistakes and rewriting my life, accepting failure but keep on dreaming until words would fade into thin air.

Jan 17, 2008

CABAnata 14: Apollo and Daphne (from Paulo's blog)

The god Apollo pursues the nymph Daphne into the woods. He is in love with her, but Daphne - who is always being courted by everyone - can no longer bear her own splendour and calls on the gods to help her, saying:

"Destroy this beauty that never allows me any peace."

The gods heard Daphne’s plea and transform her into a tree. Apollo cannot find her, for she is now merely part of the vegetation.

Daphne behaved in a way that is familiar to us all: we often destroy our own talents because we do not know what to do with them.

The mediocrity of being ‘just another person’ is more comfortable than the struggle to reveal everything we are capable of, using the gifts that God gave us.


Painful truth isn't it?

Yesterday, we had a meeting in our school. The Directress mentioned about the migration of teachers to the US. I felt guilty. Indeed I was. With the condition the Philippines is undergoing excluding the rampant corruption, I don't think I am alone in my thoughts of seeking a greener pasture somewhere far beyond the seas of the archipelago. Even teachers from Ateneo where the highest paid teachers in the academe reside has lost 30 teachers last year due to migration.

I have been very vocal eversince about my plans. I mean, all plans but no concrete future as of the moment. The agency where I forwarded my application said my papers are okay, but that's it. No job order yet. And what if I do not pass the interview? And what if my papers are okay but others' papers are far from being just a plain okay?

I mean, with the competition in the market, this can be anybody else's game.

What is then the connection of the story of Daphne here to what I am feeling right now? It is this:

The Directress told us to lay our cards. Stop playing safe -- signing the contract of commitment for a year but leaving in the middle of the school year. Students will be at a loss. Adjustment problems may arise. Poor Filipino students.

Before yesterday, I was Daphne, playing safe. Avoiding the responsibility of making a choice. In my mind, I was dreaming for big distant stars shooting before me without making a move.

I thought, too, I was just a struggling teacher in a simple town somewhere here in the Philippines, might even be unknown to the world, how can I be at par with other teachers in big cities?

Oh well, I almost wish I never had that dream of writing a book and putting up a school for kids with special needs.

But then again, after the meeting yesterday and reading Paulo Coelho's Daily Message post last January 8, I have changed perspective.

I am pursuing for my star.

And hell, I will!

3 comments:

Sandy Carlson said...

Pursue your star! You star is not that of the directress, necessarily.

I tagged you, Marjo:
Writing in Faith: Thoughts

CyberCelt said...

You are the equal of any teacher anywhere. What is worrisome is that you will be leaving your culture to live in another. That is a big sacrifice to make for your dream. Go do it.

Marjo said...

To Sandy and Cybercelt:

Thank you so much for your encouraging words. Yes indeed, I will pursue for my star.