When people ask me to define love, I say, "Love is like handing someone a gun, having them point it at your heart, and trusting them to never pull the trigger." (Sponge Bob)

When they ask me why I laugh at my mistakes and even write them with pride in my blogs, I say, "I'm not crazy. I just don't give a damn!" (Daffy Duck)

When one time I was conducting a group activity, a student asked what road sign I love the most, I said, "I like dead end signs. I think they're kind. They at least have the decency to let you know you're going nowhere…" (Bugs Bunny)

And when for the nth time a friend would ask me what do I get from writing, I'm not even sure if there are good old souls out there visiting my site, I just smile and say, "Kung gusto mong maging manunulat, eh di magsulat ka. Simple." (Bob Ong)

And last night when Eva said she wants to quit from her work because nobody believes in her, her boss got mad at her, she doesn't even have friends at her agency, and she's crying like hell, I said, "Either you stay to prove your worth or you quit and just show them you're a loser, you have to strive for your happiness." (MY original)

My CHOICES: I remained believing in love. I continued spicing up my mistakes and rewriting my life, accepting failure but keep on dreaming until words would fade into thin air.

Nov 8, 2007

CABAnata 10: Happiness is a Voyage

First, I was dying to finish elementary and be a teenager… a high school bopper. Then I was dying to finish high school and start college. And then I was dying to finish college and start working. And then I was dying to marry and have children. And then I was dying for my children to grow old enough for school so I could have more time for myself. And then I was dying to retire. And now, I am dying… And suddenly I realized I forgot to live.

This was just a text message from an old friend of which has caught my writing interest. I pondered on it for a while. And not just saved it on “My folders” menu but copied it a couple of times on separate notebooks. It’s not that I have fetish for such (just a sort of…) but I find it as a good material for analysis… introspection… meditation… or call it self-reflection… heart-examination… and soul searching. Or it was just mere foresight that I am now to use it to share something good and of value with you today… on my blog… while I myself undergo what I usually tell my clients: “Reflect!”

Yes, I am reflecting… as always. Reading what nature wants to tell me, pretending to be a real alchemist, that is. Perhaps, it’s just my imagination. Or worst, my hallucination – that I was brought here by the tides of time for some purpose. Like some cosmic conspiracy as I have always believed in.

I’m about to finish reading The Devil and Miss Prym by Coelho. And I realized, I don’t have the expertise of Berta who can understand the signs nature brings or can talk to a dead love one warning me what omens are on their way.

Last Friday, I watched with the luxury of time the long break from school provided The Pursuit of Happyness casted by Will Smith. I may not have shed a tear, but only God knows how my heart broke as the episode unfolds. Whether the movie was right or not; or happiness is spelled with an “i” or “y”; or happiness should really be pursued or not, I find myself that part of Chris Gardener’s life as being true for me – “Running!”

A couple of weeks ago, I received a forwarded mail from my Uncle Albert whose in the US. I had no time to open the attachment though because it was 2.5MB long. I saved it until last night. Got hit by a railway truck a hundredfold. Because the content goes:

(Note: As for Miss Prym and the movie, I’ll save that for another entry tomorrow. Or next week.)

We convince ourselves that life will be better once we are married, have a baby, then another.

Then we get frustrated because our children are not old enough, and all will be well when they are older.

Then we are frustrated because they reach adolescence and we must deal with them. Surely, we’ll be happier when they grow out from the teen years.

We tell ourselves, our life will be better when our spouses gets his/her act together, when we have a nicer car, when we can take a vacation whenever and wherever we would like to, when we finally retire.

The truth is, there is no better time to be happy than right now. If not now, when?

Your life will always be full of challenges. It is better to admit as much and to decide to be happy in spite of it all.

For the longest time, it seemed that life was about to start. Real life. But there were always some obstacles along the way, an ordeal to get through, some work to be finished, some time to be given, a bill to be paid. Then life would start. I finally came to understand that those obstacles were life.

That point of view helped me see that these isn’t any road to happiness. Happiness IS the road.

So enjoy every moment. Stop waiting for school to end, for a return to school, to lose ten pounds, to gain ten pounds, for work to begin, to get married, for Friday evening, for Sunday morning, waiting for a new car, for your mortgage to be paid off, for spring, for summer, for fall, for winter, for the first or fifteenth of the month, for your song to be played on the radio, to die, to be reborn… before deciding to be happy.

“Happiness is a voyage, not a destination. There is no better time to be happy than… NOW! Live and enjoy the moment.”

- Author unknown

This is just half of the whole 2.5MB message from my uncle. But I will cut it from here. I will head on for another reflection. But as of the moment, this is my struggle.

I am seeing right before my very senses the fight happening between my good and my evil. Of which I would feed, I know would win. And I’m not sure, in this time of my life, which am I feeding.

As I read all over my notebook of quotes the text message from my friend, I feel something within me dies.

When I turn page by page Coelho’s book, I can sense something in me is invigorated.

As I concentrated watching Gardener’s life, that something inside me is aroused – one with pride, the other with loathing.

While I wrote Uncle’s message in my blank sheet, an impression begins to stir in the deepest recesses of my being.

And even as I tap the keyboard of my pc for this entry, the uproar within me persists.

Until when?

I’m not sure.

And so thus, my REFLECTION continues…

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