When people ask me to define love, I say, "Love is like handing someone a gun, having them point it at your heart, and trusting them to never pull the trigger." (Sponge Bob)

When they ask me why I laugh at my mistakes and even write them with pride in my blogs, I say, "I'm not crazy. I just don't give a damn!" (Daffy Duck)

When one time I was conducting a group activity, a student asked what road sign I love the most, I said, "I like dead end signs. I think they're kind. They at least have the decency to let you know you're going nowhere…" (Bugs Bunny)

And when for the nth time a friend would ask me what do I get from writing, I'm not even sure if there are good old souls out there visiting my site, I just smile and say, "Kung gusto mong maging manunulat, eh di magsulat ka. Simple." (Bob Ong)

And last night when Eva said she wants to quit from her work because nobody believes in her, her boss got mad at her, she doesn't even have friends at her agency, and she's crying like hell, I said, "Either you stay to prove your worth or you quit and just show them you're a loser, you have to strive for your happiness." (MY original)

My CHOICES: I remained believing in love. I continued spicing up my mistakes and rewriting my life, accepting failure but keep on dreaming until words would fade into thin air.

Oct 17, 2007

CABAnata 7: The Pilgrimage, My Pilgrimage

Time flies so fast. As I have recollected with you, my American dream was born in 2005. I started from scratch. I only had an ounce of hope. But I pursued. I may not still be in the US but I am struggling like many others.

I started reading The Pilgrimage I think a couple of weeks ago and haven't finished the book yet because of too much work load -- as a Counselor and as a student. Idagdag pa diyan ang pagiging wify ko at momma-my sa two girls ko na super sa kakulitan (the source of my profoundest hormonal joy) pero malalambing at matatalino at cutie (kagaya ko... hope Ronald won't be able to read this!). So I am not ready to post an entry for my Bookworm Review, though a line... I mean lines, have caught my attention. Sabagay, halos ng binabasa ko ay puro pinadungis ng highlighter dahil mahilig akong mag-emphasize ng mga magaganda at meaningful lines sa mga binabasa ko (liban sa hiniram kong book kay Mamita) at lahat ng corners ay may sulat. "Letra lang ang walang latay" kumbaga dahil kapag sumasang-ayon ako sa nabasa ko, nag-leave ako ng comment. Pati kapag taliwas sa paniniwala ko ay nag-disagree din ako at ipinapamukha ko sa author ng librong binabasa ko ang mali sa point niya... though sa book ko lang naman ipinararating. Diddums!

And before I say more than you can bear, here is the line from the book that I thought applied to my own journey, struggle... my pilgrimage in life.

-- Petrus and Paulo started their Pilgrimage to the Road to San Tiago in search of Paulo's sword (whatever that is, it's for me to read pa). They crossed the Pyrenees in six days which could have only been travelled in a day. The distance from their point of origin to their destination is only seventeen kilometers. Petrus just pulled off Paulo in different routes to teach him a lesson. And this applied to me. And perhaps with you, too. Paulo didn't notice such because Petrus said, "The only thing that existed was your desire to arrive at your goal."
Petrus added, "When you are moving toward an objective, it is very important to pay attention to the road. It is the road that teaches us the best way to get there, and the road enriches us as we walk its length. And it is the same thing when you have an objective in your life. It will turn out to be better or worse depending on the route you choose to reach it and the way you negotiate that route."

Petrus is right, right?

Sometimes, we are too pre-occupied with our goals in life that it is the only thing that matters to us. We fail to see the road we take... the beauty in every experience and the relationships we build. I think this is what caught me most. As I journey, there at times I set aside some things I think are trivial but in the long run, I find myself getting mad at myself, saying, "Bakit ba hindi ko nakita iyon?" When it is but just common sense that I should have seen it or done this and that. But because my focus is the future, I forgot to consider the here and now... which is not just as equally important, but most important because this is what dictates the outcome of that future you are looking forward to and desiring to have.

In some ways, the road I chose to reach my objective is NOT forced. Every opportunity came my way. Every situation I find myself into is to my advantage. I grabbed them and savoured them with much enthusiasm. I went back to school. Finished some of the subjects but I never absent from class even the lessons are familiar. Every quiz and exam, I reviewed like they were the first time. They said I can just ask my professors to consider me as a refresher student, but I did not. I reported in class, submitted requirements on time and took my exams like everybody else. Special considerations? Nah! I hate those stuff! I want to earn every unit with my own effort. With that, I did not just earn the respect of my professors (good grades included) but also friends. If I frquently absent in class, would I have this kind of bond with my co-SpEd majors? I doubt it!

In my pilgrimage, I also became closer to my colleagues in school since we now share the same secrets. Hahahaha!!!

In my struggle, I have also nurtured my relationship with my aunts (father side), of whom I can say was never like this when Papa was still alive. We e-mail every now and then. They send my kids goodies and got some pairs of shoes. Diddums! But aside from that, the connection between us did not fade in the absence of my father, mas tumibay pa nga.
In my journey, I have proven my Ronald's love and support in all my undertakings (kasi daw sabi niya makikinabang siya sa dolyar! jokingly though!). My family, my brother Yamoj na talaga namang spoiled ako.

And lastly, my Creator, who provides me the eye to read amongst my pilgrimage His signs. Hope I understand them correctly. Thank you great Father for your gift of ME. I have known myself better through others -- what I am capable to do and achieve and what I am not destined to be.

Indeed the roads we travel are as important as our goals... even much more because they show us who we are and teach us the right path to that dream.

Hail to Thee!!!

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