When people ask me to define love, I say, "Love is like handing someone a gun, having them point it at your heart, and trusting them to never pull the trigger." (Sponge Bob)

When they ask me why I laugh at my mistakes and even write them with pride in my blogs, I say, "I'm not crazy. I just don't give a damn!" (Daffy Duck)

When one time I was conducting a group activity, a student asked what road sign I love the most, I said, "I like dead end signs. I think they're kind. They at least have the decency to let you know you're going nowhere…" (Bugs Bunny)

And when for the nth time a friend would ask me what do I get from writing, I'm not even sure if there are good old souls out there visiting my site, I just smile and say, "Kung gusto mong maging manunulat, eh di magsulat ka. Simple." (Bob Ong)

And last night when Eva said she wants to quit from her work because nobody believes in her, her boss got mad at her, she doesn't even have friends at her agency, and she's crying like hell, I said, "Either you stay to prove your worth or you quit and just show them you're a loser, you have to strive for your happiness." (MY original)

My CHOICES: I remained believing in love. I continued spicing up my mistakes and rewriting my life, accepting failure but keep on dreaming until words would fade into thin air.

Oct 19, 2007


Not so long ago, I am a little girl, growing amidst a chaotic world, as I perceive it was. I was in constant struggle in asserting my autonomy. But with grown-ups I often don’t understand and more often than “often” don’t understand me either, I wasn’t able to get the feel of such autonomy I was fighting for. I was in constant agreement (I should, or else…) with what they like me to wear, what they want me to eat, what they want me to do, even when I should sleep and play. They tell me what to say, when to say it and to whom would I talk to. They influence me how am I going to think in almost every situation, how to react to it and how to handle it. They manipulate how am I suppose to behave, what are the things I have to value in life and how to get through these goals. In summary, I think, talk and act the way they expect me to.

Yes, that was how my childhood was. And my adolescence. Which I have carried through my early adulthood. These have manifested in my relationships, with people around me, with acquaintances, with classmates, with officemates, with friends, with boyfriends, with relatives, with family, with myself and with God. I was in constant struggle to stand on my own. I was so dependent on others. I strive to please people who sometimes are not worthy of. I lost my identity. I lost myself. I lost me.

But motherhood showed me a different perspective of being a woman. A woman fighting for her right, for her family, for her kids and her love one. A woman craving to be heard. A woman whose independence matter most. A woman whose decisions are firm and has authority over her household. A woman who stands against all odds just to raise her family as opposed to how she was reared. And too often, such struggles are the most painful because she is not just fighting against circumstances but more against herself.

I am a woman. Wanting to be heard. Writing my thoughts. Changing the course of my destiny. Hoping to enlighten others who seek their own path.

I am beginning a journey with you and with myself. Come along with me.


Sandy Carlson said...

I see you're on the Blog Your Blessings blogroll now! Welcome. I'll look forward to reading your Sunday posts. You have a beautiful blog.

Blue Panther said...

Nice post about choices!

Happy BYB Sunday and have a great week ahead!